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So me and my husband have only been married for about 5 months, going to be six months on New Years. He works construction and has really long days, like if he comes home around 6 thats considered early for us. I go to school but only one day a week and I have a part-time job, I'm also really involved in church so that takes up a lot of time as well. Sorry just wanted to explain the situation before I jumped into the story. Lately he has been getting upset with me because he thinks that I don't do enough, that he works really hard all day and that I just sit around because sometimes he comes home and the house isn't spotless and theres not always food waiting for him on the table, and I don't understand why. I mean yes I do get a little lazy because it is kind of annoying to do the same exact thing every single day but I don't complain about it, and recently our washing machine stopped working. I mean it works but it takes like twice as long to do anything. So I said I was going to go to the laundromat today but decided against it because our new washing machine is arriving in two days so I figured I would wash the absolutely necessary clothes and finish everything else when the new washing machine came and when I told him this he got really upset that apparently I always take the easy and lazy way out of things and that he works so hard everyday and I'm just sit around at home and I tried to explain to him that I didn't see the point of doing all the laundry today when I could just finish it in a couple days instead of going to the laundromat and spending $20. Could anybody please explain to me why he's acting like this??
 

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It sounds like he's a little jealous, thinking you have a lot of free time which he clearly doesn't. He may also have an idea of what he'd like you to be doing that he is not communicating to you. Is it that he always wants a hot meal on the table? Ask him nicely, and you'll get answers that matter to him, there's no use generalising what a man feels, what does YOUR man feel?! :)
 

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Hello from Germany! I want you to calm down in a nice way. Everything will be OK. When you and your husband have time, I want you to take a shower with him or a bath or a hot tub. Once he is relaxed, I want you to ask him for him to describe a prefect day of comming home. Now, I want him relaxed, maybe some wine or beer or whatever. Just a time were you are both warm and happy. Hopefully, he will be mello enough just to say what is really on his mind. Six months of marriage is an important time because your are just starting to really communicate as a MARRIED couple. Complete different than a dating couple. So, be warm, happy and TALK! Merry Christmas David
 

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  • He works construction and has really long days
  • I mean yes I do get a little lazy because it is kind of annoying to do the same exact thing every single day
  • Could anybody please explain to me why he's acting like this??
  1. Because he works long days.
  2. It's annoying to do the same thing everyday.
  3. And he would like a clean house and hot meal to come home to.

Long days would mean working over 8 hours. Maybe you should try doing construction 8+ hours a day and see how annoying it is to do the "same exact thing every single day", five days a week, only to come home to a whining wife.

Sorry, it is what it is.

T
 
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Going to school one day a week, volunteering at church & a part-time job doesn't pay the bills.

I am assuming his paycheck does pay 80-90% of the bills.

I am also assuming he is not "lazy" on the job.

You admit you are a bit lazy. I will also guess that he doesn't expect a "perfectly spotless" home, just picked-up & clean. Do you know how to cook? Do you eat dinner? Why can't you cook both of you dinners most nights?

Your life & marriage would be so much easier if you meet him at least halfway on these issues. I'm sure he would appreciate it.

When you finish school, get a full-time job, then you can re-negotiate the home chores.

I'm with your husband on this one.
 

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Lately he has been getting upset with me because he thinks that I don't do enough, that he works really hard all day and that I just sit around because sometimes he comes home and the house isn't spotless and theres not always food waiting for him on the table, and I don't understand why.

I mean yes I do get a little lazy because it is kind of annoying to do the same exact thing every single day but I don't complain about it, and recently our washing machine stopped working. I mean it works but it takes like twice as long to do anything.
What do you suppose would happen if he got lazy on the job? If he came home and said, "It's annoying doing the same thing every day, so I am just going to not do my job when I don't feel like it."

You're in school one day a week and working part-time. I'll pretend that means 20 hours or so, plus 3-5 hours of school, while he's putting in three times as many hours to pay your bills.

I'd say you're not bringing enough to table when it comes to your marriage. You need to contribute as much to the relationship as he does. He's contributing financially, so he expects you to contribute in another way. You *could* focus on financial, I suppose, and get yourself working full time, but it sounds like your marriage would benefit most from you contributing in other ways, like taking care of your home and your man instead of neglecting these things because you're "annoyed" by having to do the same things day after day.

I'm with your husband on this.
 

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Fairly simple. He comes home from doing the same thing every day at work and expects that during that time you have done the same.
 
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