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2621 Views 29 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  MrK
Hello. I'm not sure what to do. Recently I found my fiance cheating. Although he said it wasn't cheating because they didn't have sex they only tested and talked on the phone. I find that worse because it Is emotional cheating. This person was surposed to be my friend. It all started by her telling him that he looked sexy. He claims to me that he doesn't like her that he just liked the ego boost he got from talking to her. But I feel like I'm in denial by believeing him. This has been going on for two years. Could it all be a ego trip. Or am I still being played. Two years seems very long. What should I do :-(
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Sure it could be "just" an ego boost for him. A lot of affairs are about ego boosts. Or he could be having real feelings for her.

Your husband is having what is called an emotional affair (EA). You have put up with this nonsense for far too long.

I aasume you oare living with him. Is this correct?

How long have the two of you been together?

Since the two of you are not even married you might want to seriously end your relationship with him. He does not have proper boundaries and seems to have no consideration for you. Is this what you want?

There are things that can be done to recover a relationship. Step one is that he was to completely end all contact with her forever. This means that he writes her a no-contact letter (there are sample ones on the internet) and then you are there with him when he sends it. If she contact him, he has to tell you and he cannot reply to her.

If he has any contact with her again it's considered re-starting the affair and should mean he gets kicked out.
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You need to stop believing this nonsense he's feeding you. It's so transparent. You blieve it because you don't want to know the truth. She's obviously coming over to your house when you are at work.

If you want more solid evidence there are ways to get it. For example get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and hide it in your in the front room/living room. Maybe put one in the bedroom. Then when he's not around see if you got anything on it.

A friend of mine caught her husband cheating with a VAR under their bed. He was having an affair and bringing the woman over to have sex in their bed when my friend was at work.

Another good place for a VAR is in the car. A lot of people talk on the cell with their affair partners while driving to and from work. If you do this use heavy duty velcro to secure the var to a hidden surface in the car.

If you use a VAR do not let him get his hands on the recording. Make copies of it and save it off somewhere.

Another thing you can do is to put a keylogger on his computer. You can find out his passwords that way and see what he's really doing on line.
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I am the only one working. Paying bills. And I just feel like kicking him out. His mom lives 4 houses down. Not like he doesn't have anywhere to go. Its just that I get lonely. If I had someone to keep me company it wouldn't be that bad. I'd there a trick to moving on. Does the emotions get better
How long has he been unemployed?

Yes the emotions get better. Once you realize what you are free of a lying cheat who is also free-loading you will feel much better. You will be free to go out and meet new people, explore new things you like to do.

You already know that he does not respect you, is lying and is cheating. What's there to keep him around for?
He hasn't had a job in two years...ironic hmmm didn't think about that
What's that old saying about idle hands and the devil's playground?

Why doesn't he have a job. Is he really looking?

What about him going back to school. Does he have a degree or any kind of certificates in his career field (assuming he has a career field). After 2 years of not working, finding a job will be hard for him. So going back to school could be used as a spring board to getting a job.

Since your friend likes him so much, why not kick him out to go live with her. Then she can support him... would be interesting to see how long she put up with that.
That's the only reason I haven't kept texting her becausevi want nothing to do with a train wreck. I seen that as her attempt to get attention and be a victim. A little weird that she seems so unstable. I just want to know her side and opinion on the friendship
If you want to talk to her do it.. but don't give him a heads up. That way they cannot coordinate their stories. There is no guarentee that she will tell you the truth so you cannot depend on what she says. But she might reveal somethings that help put things in perspective. Just don't go into it expecting a lot.

Have you looked on he cell bill to see how much time they spend talking and texting?
I have looked yet. How would I get that info
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Who is your cell carrier?

Does your bill come in the mail? Or do you get an ebill?

We have T-Mobile. I can sign on to the site and get a print out of a list of all incoming/outgoing calls and the number/dates for texts going both ways.

Some people here also know how to get the old texts off of cell phones... there is a thread somewhere about evidence gathering too.
My son has Verizon. I just looked at one of his bills. (he's in college so I pay his cell bill.. so I'm not snooping.)

It only shows a summary of his calls and texts... like 435 txt messages last month.

You can probably get a break down online.
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