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2 Posts
Hi all,
Not sure i am posting this in the right forum but i don't know whether to be with my wife or not.
From the outset our relationship was good and then things went south right at the point where we found out my wife had been preganant and then we suffered a miscarriage. At this point my wife became distant and self focused, focusing solely on her aspirations of going to college and earing a degree. I didn't agree with this because we were trying to deal with US immigration at that point and get me my green card, but i still supported her decision andtried to stand by her while she did it. Well after a few months of her being at school i started becoming suspicious and suspected there was someone else involved, having been cheated on before i was somewhat aware of the signs to look for. Well i got my "proof" when she left her e-mail open on my computer and i saw she had been in contact with someone else and the messages she had been sending were provocative but explainable, so i confronted her about it and she denied it and gave me a very plausible explanation but i still didn't fully buy it. Anyway the school thing didn't work out for her and she ended up moving back to the house (I forgot to mention this but we were living with her parents at this point) and we started to build the relationship again we talked and we went on dates and it seemed to be going well and then she wanted to make another go at school. Again i voiced my concerns per the fact we were trying to deal with immigration and were coming to the stage of the interviews but she wouldn't have any of it and went to school, well things started out ok at the beginning and then they went south and she became angry and bitter and started telling me she was going to have me deported and to get out of her life and give her her family back. Then things really came to a head and a very serious incident happened at the school where her school email account got hacked and i got charged with it was arrested and spent 6 months in jail, the first month i only recieved one letter from her with a list of phone numbers of people i knew and a simple note saying if i wanted any assistance to call these people and leave her and her family alone, then from the second to fourth month she visited me and she admitted to the fact she had been wanting to have an affair but didn't because the guy didn't want to. Then the visits stopped, my case was dropped and i was shipped off to an immigration detention facility, and had no contact with her till i was deported to the UK.
When i was in the UK we talked for a few weeks, discussed her maybe coming over there and how we felt then nothing. A few months later the same thing happens, then she gets together with her ex boyfriend, they date while we weren't talking they break up we start talking again and she tells me and i accept it and i also told her that while we hadn't been talking i had been with 2 people, not in a relationship purely sexual. And we talk for a few weeks then nothing and it happens again, and now we are talking again and she tells me she loves me and misses me and wants to work things out but while we weren't talking she started talking to another guy and there's nothing going on they have only talked but what does she tell him? Well my answer to her was that she should do what she thinks is best and whatever will make her the happiest.
The problem with all this is i don't know if i want to be with her or is this just going to be a pattern that repeats itself?
I know your probably confused and wondering as to why i posted this in here instead of another forum, well the reason is both my wife and i have mental health problems. I am dealing with depression, anxiety, and am also bi polar although a very low level, and my wife is a severe bi polar.
Any thoughts, advice, outside looking in perspective you guys could offer would be much appreciated. I am at a point where i don't know whether to continue or to just put a stop to it and move on. I love her and i care about her and will always stand by her through thick and thin but i don't know if this is healthy for me or for us.
Not sure i am posting this in the right forum but i don't know whether to be with my wife or not.
From the outset our relationship was good and then things went south right at the point where we found out my wife had been preganant and then we suffered a miscarriage. At this point my wife became distant and self focused, focusing solely on her aspirations of going to college and earing a degree. I didn't agree with this because we were trying to deal with US immigration at that point and get me my green card, but i still supported her decision andtried to stand by her while she did it. Well after a few months of her being at school i started becoming suspicious and suspected there was someone else involved, having been cheated on before i was somewhat aware of the signs to look for. Well i got my "proof" when she left her e-mail open on my computer and i saw she had been in contact with someone else and the messages she had been sending were provocative but explainable, so i confronted her about it and she denied it and gave me a very plausible explanation but i still didn't fully buy it. Anyway the school thing didn't work out for her and she ended up moving back to the house (I forgot to mention this but we were living with her parents at this point) and we started to build the relationship again we talked and we went on dates and it seemed to be going well and then she wanted to make another go at school. Again i voiced my concerns per the fact we were trying to deal with immigration and were coming to the stage of the interviews but she wouldn't have any of it and went to school, well things started out ok at the beginning and then they went south and she became angry and bitter and started telling me she was going to have me deported and to get out of her life and give her her family back. Then things really came to a head and a very serious incident happened at the school where her school email account got hacked and i got charged with it was arrested and spent 6 months in jail, the first month i only recieved one letter from her with a list of phone numbers of people i knew and a simple note saying if i wanted any assistance to call these people and leave her and her family alone, then from the second to fourth month she visited me and she admitted to the fact she had been wanting to have an affair but didn't because the guy didn't want to. Then the visits stopped, my case was dropped and i was shipped off to an immigration detention facility, and had no contact with her till i was deported to the UK.
When i was in the UK we talked for a few weeks, discussed her maybe coming over there and how we felt then nothing. A few months later the same thing happens, then she gets together with her ex boyfriend, they date while we weren't talking they break up we start talking again and she tells me and i accept it and i also told her that while we hadn't been talking i had been with 2 people, not in a relationship purely sexual. And we talk for a few weeks then nothing and it happens again, and now we are talking again and she tells me she loves me and misses me and wants to work things out but while we weren't talking she started talking to another guy and there's nothing going on they have only talked but what does she tell him? Well my answer to her was that she should do what she thinks is best and whatever will make her the happiest.
The problem with all this is i don't know if i want to be with her or is this just going to be a pattern that repeats itself?
I know your probably confused and wondering as to why i posted this in here instead of another forum, well the reason is both my wife and i have mental health problems. I am dealing with depression, anxiety, and am also bi polar although a very low level, and my wife is a severe bi polar.
Any thoughts, advice, outside looking in perspective you guys could offer would be much appreciated. I am at a point where i don't know whether to continue or to just put a stop to it and move on. I love her and i care about her and will always stand by her through thick and thin but i don't know if this is healthy for me or for us.