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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
last night he said he plan to fix the air con and curtain for his room. Seems like he has no intention of coming back to our room. It really hurts to hear that. I just keep quiet.
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I couldn't help but notice you said earlier he is sharing his private information with this woman and then you said it was an online relationship. I think you should be a bit concerned with bank account information being shared with someone neither of you really know IMO
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Discussion Starter · #43 · (Edited)
I couldn't help but notice you said earlier he is sharing his private information with this woman and then you said it was an online relationship. I think you should be a bit concerned with bank account information being shared with someone neither of you really know IMO
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I guess they started online dating. Then they met. She's from other state. Not sure about physical part but definitely emotional.

The account is his own account that doesn't have much money. Not mine.

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Discussion Starter · #44 · (Edited)
found out he discuss with another person (different girl) that he broke up with the girl. Apparently the girl go back to previous bf. He changed all his password already. No wonder he act funny recently.

He created yet another facebook account. He is still in another world. Another personality.

I don't know how to live with him anymore. He never told me they broke up. Never told me he want me back. Still avoiding me and say i disturb him. Even though i should feel better but i feel even more hurt.
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I pay for the house, bills insurance, my car, and a membership. Now i'm paying for things that last time he say he's going to pay for. I'm trying to sell the membership now. Don't know if possible.
last night he said he plan to fix the air con and curtain for his room. Seems like he has no intention of coming back to our room. It really hurts to hear that. I just keep quiet.
Just to make sure all I understand all the details here - you pay for the house, and he lives there for free.

And when someone suggests you ask him to leave, you reply that you cannot because he gives you a ride to work. Not only that, but you feel that asking his mom to leave would be mean because she is having an operation.

May I point out that there is no suggestion that you throw out his mom. Let her stay, if you can care for her! She is not the cause of, nor the source of, the problem.

Bellz, you are allowing your husband to have affairs. In fact, you are encouraging him to do so! I am not saying that in a mean way - what I am saying is that you make it so easy for him to do whatever he wants, that he simply does it with no second thoughts.

You give him permission to pretend he is not married at work. You let him use his mother's illnesses, etc., as a way to extort you into silence. And you keep finding handy excuses for why you can't possibly do what may be necessary - if not to save your marriage, then at least to save your sanity.

The problem is that this is building up a huge amount of resentment in you that will not be easily overcome - even if he did suddenly want to try to work on your marriage. So please, make a decision very soon - do you want to save your marriage, or are you ready to end it. Either option is valid and acceptable. What you are doing right now is actually far worse. You are enabling your husband to harm you, himself, and the marriage - and you are letting your marriage crumble around you while discussing all the pain at the same time.

Please become pro-active! We are here with you.
 

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I agree. Tell him that you will be packing his stuff and leaving it outside if he is not willing to commit to you and what you need.
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
i guess i really have to do that. The pain is so intense. Everyone tell me not to leave the house. If it's not my house, i would have move out long time ago.
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i guess i really have to do that. The pain is so intense. Everyone tell me not to leave the house. If it's not my house, i would have move out long time ago.
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That's right! It's YOUR house, and there is no reason for you to leave it! Keep it - and let your husband know that when he decides to come back to the marriage, and his actions match his words, that he will be welcome back home.

I do want to point out something here: when you tell him that ('when he decides to come back to the marriage') - he will most likely simply say he has no plans to come back. Ignore that COMPLETELY. All you have to do is make the statement - and leave it at that. You aren't trying to win any arguments, or persuade him of anything. You are protecting everything that is yours.

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Discussion Starter · #49 ·
if he go, i go. I don't have car so have to stay with someone who will fetch me to work. Most probably colleague. That's why i prefer wait till i got my car back.

I don't know about the rest of them. Maybe they'll not stay. It looks pretty final to me.
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Take each step purposefully, do not compromise yourself, when you know you are able to travel without relying on him, take the next step.

Plan it out and keep on course..

Best wishes,
 

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I don't see any other choice other than having him leave. He is moving on to another relationship. He is a serial cheater. You will be in less pain if he leaves. This has to take e toll on you. Is there a lease on the property? Whose name is on it? When does it expire.
 

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Hi there,
I agree you must ask him to leave, the mother can stay for now and you can get another ride to work.
You didn't get married so your husband could continue to be single and have other relationships.
That is not respectful of you and this is not a man you need in your life....
Tell him this is not acceptable and he will need to leave, pack his things and tell him to find some place else to live.....
Then you get on with your life, show him that you deserve better than what he is willing to give you......
This man knows he can get away with this behavior and doesn't care how you feel......You must see this.....
Get out of this mess and move on to a better life......
good luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #54 ·
This morning we overheard someone talking over breakfast. His mom then repeat "As long as the man is good or treat you good, poor also never mind". How sarcastic is that?

Ya. I can drive. Found out he's back with the girl.

I wonder am I really ready to throw him out? Is he really a serial cheater? How do we know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #55 ·
I don't see any other choice other than having him leave. He is moving on to another relationship. He is a serial cheater. You will be in less pain if he leaves. This has to take e toll on you. Is there a lease on the property? Whose name is on it? When does it expire.
The house is under my name. I'm paying for it.
 

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I wonder am I really ready to throw him out? Is he really a serial cheater? How do we know? ...
I have no idea on the 'serial' cheater. What is important is that he is cheating right now and has almost NO incentive to change...
 

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Hello, I,m gonna get straight to the point. I am a 36 year old male that has been through this. First he has to stop total communication with this person, cause if not things can get a lot worse. So what you have to do to see if he really does love and want only you is to as bad as it may hurt, stop everything with him. Do not worry about what his mother says because she is gonna be a mother to her son first before anything else. I hope this helps you.
 

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When you got together with him, did you expect to have to play 4th or 10th place in his life? Then why are you accepting it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #59 · (Edited)
When you got together with him, did you expect to have to play 4th or 10th place in his life? Then why are you accepting it?
Last night i wrote a letter telling him what i feel and what i can and cannot accept, setting boundaries.

This morning when he read it, he replied he tried his best until now. Since i want him out he will arrange to move and divorce.

I feel sad i have to take this step. Am i over reacting? Or i expect too much in short period of time?
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Good on you, you set your boundaries, let him leave.

If he was half the man and husband that he should have been then he would do what needs to be done to save the marriage and love you as his wife and equal partner

You need to look after yourself, do not be over confident the days ahead are going to be difficult, expect the worst and fight for the best, small steps and take control of your life.
 
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