I dont even know where to start. I gave birth to my son 8 months ago and 3 days after I came home from the hospital my husband and I got married. We did a small court house wedding. My husband is in the military and when you're in the military things have to move a little fast and plus he left for 6 weeks for training 10 days after our son was born. Long story short we needed to get the benefits from the military so we had to get married. We had been together though for a year before that. Things just happened so fast. He swore to me he loved me so much and he was marrying me because he wanted to not because we "had" to. He also promised me that all of our past is in the past from that point on. And by that I mean his ex girlfriend that I knew in my heart he was still in love with. They had been broken up for two years already but he kept talking to her and even talking to her behind my back when I asked him not to. He swore they were "just friends". Well after the baby was born and we got married just two weeks after, before he left for training he was using my laptop and I noticed he was acting weird about it because for some reason my computer saves passwords. I'm very intuitive about things like that. He said he was "cleaning out" his email and deleting all old email because he had like 2k or so built up from a long time. Well when he left for training I couldn't help myself and I looked into his email and what I found made me sick to my stomach. I found that yes he did delete all old emails and cleaned it out and only saved a few important ones so that part was true, but he also saved 12 emails from his ex that had naked pictures of her and dirty talk. At least (thank god) they were not recent ones, they were the ones from when they were still "talking" before him and I started dating. But the fact that instead of deleting them as well he purposely saved them. I confronted him and asked him why he did that, after of course denying it for 30 minutes he finally admitted it and when I asked him why he admitted it was because he was "remanissing" (dont know how to spell that) about when he was single. Then later on we fought about it again and he admitted he was thinking about the sex. I had a rough pregnancy and was on bed rest so we didnt get to have much sex during my pregnancy. But still hearing him say he was fantasizing about his ex and having sex with her and wanted to do so with visual images just stings so bad and now 8 months later I cant get over the hurt. I mean we had just started a family together! I cant help but feeling like our whole relationship was pointless and meaningless and it hurts so bad that he would be so insensitive. I keep going back and forth with it. Sometimes I dont think about it and I feel like I might love him and like I'm truly happy, then other times I hate him and I'm so mad and I dont think I can get over it and I cant help thinking so low about myself. Am I wrong for thinking and feeling this? What should I do? How do I get over this? I know I have to try for our son because he is most important and he comes first but I dont know what to do.