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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have issues relating to children and moving to another country.

I'm in my early 40s and desperately would like to conceive a child. However, my husband wants to settle in Country X instead of staying in the US as he has adjustment issues once we have the child. He wants to retire early and raise child in Country X. We both come from different upbringing. He has been raised in Country X while I was born in Country X but raised in US. I've lived in US for 34 years, while his upbringing is in Country X for 30+ years.

I'm willing to sacrifice to Country X as long as I devote all my energy to raising the child. We have not even tried yet to have a child as we need to do planning as to when. Since age is a factor, I hope we can conceive a child but there is no guarantee.

I know it will be a challenge for me to settle in Country X due to cultural concerns. But I know for sure that I will somehow adjust once I get used to it but it will take some time. He is worried that once we have a child, he feels that I will come to the US if I'm not able to adjust to the lifestyle in Country X. He doesn't want to raise child in the US because he feels that Country X has a lot to offer when raising a child such as good education, family system, etc. He feels more connected in Country X as it is his comfort zone, whereas mine is in the US.

Here is the problem, suppose if we make every effort of having a child but cannot conceive due to age or other issue, then I'm not sure if I want to take early retirement and move to Country X. He has already made up his mind that he wants to settle in Country X whereas I want to settle down only if I have a child otherwise I will continue working in the US.

Hopefully this will not come down to this. Suppose it does, then I feel comfortable living in the US than Country X as I have a good job here but Country X will not allow me to work and save enough money as in the US. I think he will most likely settle down there in the next year or so & if we do not have a child, what should I do? Quit my job and settle down with him in Country X or separate amicably as we both are not decisive. I really don't think it's going to work if we both live in separate countries as this will not be a marriage.

So....please let me know what is the best way to handle this issue....

Thanks.
 

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Wow....I wish I had some good advice for you....when the priorities are different it's very difficult to compromise, if you both have the same goals it's a lot easier....so try to make a list of what your common goals are and see if they even line up.....go from there I guess.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for your advice.

It seems as though we have quite different goals -- he wants to retire early and settle down in Country X as that is his comfort zone. Me -- on the other hand, content with living in US and keeping busy with work.

Now another issue has come up -- he is willing to have a baby unless it's born in Country X and not in the US. If I have a child, I want baby to be born in the US -- through the years, US has given me so many opportunities -- It will be wonderful to have a baby born in the US. His reason is that if the baby is born in the US -- he or she will always be drawn to the US.

It seems as both of us are stubborn and I don't think it's a good idea to even have a baby until one of us decides to compromise. I think that is the only solution.

In the meantime, he went to visit his family in Country X for some time and I have asked him to stay there until we reach a mutual decision. I do not want him to come to the US as I know for sure that he is not going to be happy staying in the US.

I would greatly appreciate it if anyone else can shed some light to this situation as I'm REALLY CONFUSED as to what to do next.

Thanks a lot!
 
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