We are 39 and 37 with almost 5 yrs. old DD. I moved to the US for grad studies in 2003 and got married in 2011. My W moved after the marriage. I have an old post http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/120538-my-wifes-split-personality-vs-my-family.html. That post is a lot about how we cannot communicate. She might have BPD but I am not a doctor. She is great until she is angry. Her anger is like a storm.
I came to realization 3 years back. Suck it or leave it. I choose to suck it up. Two reasons - i) I get panic attacks just thinking about divorcing my W. Too weak - I know! ii) I know my W cannot take care of my DD. But she is not as crazy that I can just take away my DD. I also do not want my DD to separate from her M. I want my D to be able to see us both although in two houses.
I am in a marriage where I am not able to maintain the connection/communication with my family/friends. She does not allow to take my DD to meet my family in my home country. Every time I raise this topic - it brings a storm. She has a million reasons why not. I argued, requested, fought to take my DD. But in vain. We went back in Dec 2015. She with DD to her place - I flew to mine. While coming I picked them up and came back to the states.
Though, I bought my parents and brother to States to meet DD in Summer 2016. Kept them in a separate apartment.
Since then we have not gone back.
In short, my DD has never gone to see my extended family. I cannot bring my family to visit me like other people do. I cannot go to my home country without much drama. This brings to realization - I should just get done with it. I am just fooling myself. Sucking up sucks!
But the above two reasons still haunts me. I still get panic attacks thinking about divorce. I have restarted the counseling. I am going to see my doctor in 2 weeks. I will ask for some anti-depressant. I hear that anti-depressant can affect my ability to drive or normal work or I may get addicted (one of the fears I never took it). Can anyone share his/her experiences? my doctor once prescribed me propranolol, which calms the nerve. it's not an antidepressant - I took it once but I think I should start taking it now.
One other thing I wanted to share is my 5 yrs. old DD. She is so sensitive. Once we had an argument. DD tried to make peace between us for next 2 hours. Next morning she wakes up and asks her M - Mom, do you love daddy, right? She was visibly distraught seeing us unhappy. This new equation in my situation adversely affects my panic attacks. I feel like I am going to destroy two lives - One of them I I love the most.