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As far as bank accounts, etc. easily fixed.
Yeah, her draining the bank accounts isn't necessarily going to have terrible consequences for him. It's all still shared property. She can't hide it and keep it out of the division of assets. The judge would likely say, "Well, that $XX you took from the account, that just counts towards your 50% division of assets."
 

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A PI costs about 1000 per day. Look it up.
Even if you were to get pic, etc. what would you do with them?

50/50 custody is almost automatic in this day and age.

She makes more than you. Alimony is a straight calculation. She might end up paying you.

You did well. Stay strong and keep moving forward. The ones who get strong and stay there come out of these situations best.

Being affraid and indecisive will just add to your misery.
Dude, just stop. Your half-baked advice has already cost the OP enough. I know full well what a PI costs, and it isn't $1000/day.

The OP has already stated he lives in a fault state, so if you can't see the utility of having pictures of them together, then you need more help than I can provide.
 

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Dude, just stop. Your half-baked advice has already cost the OP enough. I know full well what a PI costs, and it isn't $1000/day.

The OP has already stated he lives in a fault state, so if you can't see the utility of having pictures of them together, then you need more help than I can provide.
Nope, google it. PI's can be $100 per hour.

I already stated/listed my facts on alimony, child custody, etc.

You are just whining now because you got called on your cluelessness on the facts in this thread.
 

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@BioFury state your case.

Tell us, the OP how his wayward is going to magically get full custody of his kids, alimony, drain his bank accounts, etc from calling her out on her infidelity.

That info would be valuable to the OP.

Let's hear it. Spell it out.
 

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You guys both make lots of money, so you'll still be able to survive until the divorce, which is usually the issue for which we say don't let them take the money - to starve the BS out to accept a bad divorce settlement. Don't worry about it. Just make sure you have all the documentation.

I would personally be more worried about what she's saying to the family. If she tells her family that you're some child molester or something, they might band together to keep you from getting 50/50 custody. Which is why you should be CALLING them and telling them that she's cheating, and so you are going to file for divorce. They will believe the first person they hear. Make it be you.

And guys? Take it outside.
 

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Nope, google it. PI's can be $100 per hour.

I already stated/listed my facts on alimony, child custody, etc.

You are just whining now because you got called on your cluelessness on the facts in this thread.
I don't need to google it, I have two retained right now.

Your "facts" are nothing but guesses. And if you hadn't been in a hurry to blow all your hot air out, and encouraged the OP to expose the affair to his wife before he could collect evidence (you know, that useless stuff no one needs - according to you), then he could have come out of this on top. Since he is, in fact, in a fault state.

But all of that's ok. He just needs to "have a strong mindset" and everything will be perfectly fine.
 

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I would personally be more worried about what she's saying to the family. If she tells her family that you're some child molester or something, they might band together to keep you from getting 50/50 custody. Which is why you should be CALLING them and telling them that she's cheating, and so you are going to file for divorce. They will believe the first person they hear. Make it be you.
This is more what I am worried about. Her spreading lies about him building her case for having an affair.

At this point it does not matter, but let's hope she does not beat him to the bank Monday morning, and pull all of the money out.

Granted, there will be proof that she did that and he will probably get most of it back. But it is just an unnecessary pile of crap for him to go through after everything else.

At this point I wonder if she will even bother to come home or not.

It will be interesting to see how this works out...
 

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This is more what I am worried about. Her spreading lies about him building her case for having an affair.

At this point it does not matter, but let's hope she does not beat him to the bank Monday morning, and pull all of the money out.

Granted, there will be proof that she did that and he will probably get most of it back. But it is just an unnecessary pile of crap for him to go through after everything else.

At this point I wonder if she will even bother to come home or not.

It will be interesting to see how this works out...
Exactly right about all of this, Blues. I think she will come home because of the children. But I am not sure. Bearman said she did not even call to wish them success in their sports events.
 

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bear-man, now that you've confronted her, you need to expose this to your/her family. This will prevent her from re-writing your history. Try to get whatever proof documented. You need to get with a lawyer RIGHT AWAY. This may be a planned exit affair, and if so, she already has her plans setup and now she will execute. You need to make sure that you, your kids, and your finances are protected.

Do you know who the OM is? If so, try to expose to his wife/gf if he is attached. THIS may be worth getting a PI to get HIS information.
 

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OMG. You're not helping Marc. Yes, that's why he needs to get himself a lawyer, so he can find out what type of state he's in before blowing his only chance to collect evidence. Because if he does in fact live in a fault state, evidence will make a significant difference in court. For how much money he gets to keep, custody, everything.

But why get bogged down in frivolous details.
People may want to deny it, but even in no-fault states proven infidelity CAN make a difference. Especially if you can also figure things like how much family $$ might have been used to fund the A, how much time taken away from children, etc. If nothing else, a bit of sympathy in the direction of a BS from a judge can make a difference, especially is the WS continues their entitlement mentality into court proceedings.

Plus, most people who understand depth of commitment and have the depth of character to experience deep commitment NEED to KNOW they are divorcing for the right reason. A shallow, selfish person can just chuck a marriage because something doesn't smell right....but a person who really understands the vows might need concrete, tangible proof for THEMSELVES that the vow needs to be severed. So I can understand wanting proof.

That said, even without concrete proof, when there are lots of telltale signs, the first order of business is a consultation with a good attorney to at least find out about the what-ifs.
 

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Discussion Starter #152
So she comes home yesterday and days she doesn't want to talk to me. She said the reason why she didn't want to tell me where she is going is she knew I'd get upset because she was meeting the guy who was hired by her company to do some work. She again swore ggag nothing happened and that it is purely professional. She also went on saying that she needs me to give her space so she can think about us and that I keep failing at doing that. I'm heading to an attorney today to get started at least. My gut keeps giving me warnings. I do love her and I know I have been the best of husband's but like you said guys, I need a concrete proof. However, all the facts are pointing at something not good. She doesn't know I am tracking her car and online activity. Only thing left is a VAR. On a side note, the pain is almost insurmountable.
 

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Start collecting solid evidence. May need a separate gps tracker now.

She is a bigger liar than I anticipated.

Protect yourself - make sure you move money/assets now - into your name only.

You don't need to give her ANY explanations!

You love her? You don't even know her and what she's capable of!

The woman you thought you loved left a long time ago.
 

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I don't personally think you need more proof than her admitting to you that she lied to you and met up with this guy. A lie of that magnitude alone is grounds to file. But if it will help you in court then I understand you trying to dig more. Bad part is now she knows that you know, and she will be deleting and erasing every possible footprint she thinks you would be able to find.

If she needs space, tell her to go stay with her parents or a friend. Why should you be punished by her presence?
 

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So she comes home yesterday and days she doesn't want to talk to me. She said the reason why she didn't want to tell me where she is going is she knew I'd get upset because she was meeting the guy who was hired by her company to do some work. She again swore ggag nothing happened and that it is purely professional. She also went on saying that she needs me to give her space so she can think about us and that I keep failing at doing that. I'm heading to an attorney today to get started at least. My gut keeps giving me warnings. I do love her and I know I have been the best of husband's but like you said guys, I need a concrete proof. However, all the facts are pointing at something not good. She doesn't know I am tracking her car and online activity. Only thing left is a VAR. On a side note, the pain is almost insurmountable.
You simply cannot believe anything she is telling you. You know that she is lying don't you?

Please tell me you know this, or are you falling for her lies?
 

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Discussion Starter #156
You simply cannot believe anything she is telling you. You know that she is lying don't you?

Please tell me you know this, or are you falling for her lies?
I am not falling for her lies. I know when it all started and I know how it will end up for her. She will come running back to me after she finds out this dude is a loser.

PS: I won't take her back
 

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I am not falling for her lies. I know when it all started and I know how it will end up for her. She will come running back to me after she finds out this dude is a loser.
Let me help you out with the rest of your paragraph that you forgot to write....

"And when she comes running back I will tell her to F off and get lost. Court is next week, you need to find some other place to live."

Which is kind of what you should have told her when she walked through the door...
 

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Speaking of VARs, make sure you understand what is legal or not. If you do something that isn't legal, make sure you don't tell people about it or else it can be held against you. Many of the laws about audio recording are specific to your state, so check if your state is two-party (everyone being recorded needs to know) or one-party (only the person recording needs to know).

- Keeping a VAR on you to record conversations you have. Legal in a one-party state. In a two-party state, you have to let the other person know you are recording. This can be done by showing her the VAR and saying you're carrying it with you at all times.

- Recording conversations you're not a part of (e.g. putting it in her car). This is almost certainly illegal. Since you are not part those conversations, you don't have any right to record them. Even if you own her car, you can't do it. The exception would be something like if you had a sign in the car saying "All conversations are being recorded."

You should carry a VAR on you at all times. She is going to be lying to you, and you should expect her to start making up lies about you and what you said. There have been men here who had the cops called on them for domestic abuse, but they were able to play the recording to the cops to prove what really happened.

Whether or not you put it in her car is up to you, but keep in mind that if you ever reveal that you did it, you could get in trouble. And don't do anything stupid like have the same exact model of VAR in your pocket and in her car, both of which were purchased at the same time with a credit card in your name.
 

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I am not falling for her lies. I know when it all started and I know how it will end up for her. She will come running back to me after she finds out this dude is a loser.

PS: I won't take her back
Or after he gets her knocked up and he kicks her to the curb...
 

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So she comes home yesterday and days she doesn't want to talk to me. She said the reason why she didn't want to tell me where she is going is she knew I'd get upset because she was meeting the guy who was hired by her company to do some work. She again swore ggag nothing happened and that it is purely professional. She also went on saying that she needs me to give her space so she can think about us and that I keep failing at doing that. I'm heading to an attorney today to get started at least. My gut keeps giving me warnings. I do love her and I know I have been the best of husband's but like you said guys, I need a concrete proof. However, all the facts are pointing at something not good. She doesn't know I am tracking her car and online activity. Only thing left is a VAR. On a side note, the pain is almost insurmountable.
I'm sorry about the pain

See a doctor if you can't sleep or focus at work

You love who you thought she was.....Not her

She's a cheater
 
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