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If it were me I'd send a short text.

I know where you are (location) who you're with, what you're doing.

Then go completey dark. Do not answer any texts or phone calls. Cheaters lie hide and deny. That's all you'll get. So skip any engagement at this time.

If he's married and I assume he is I'd send the same info to his wife. You have his phone number. You can probably find her on the net or Facebook.

Her knowing the jig is up isn't going to hurt you anymore than it has at this point.
 

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Nope, you read into it what you wanted to fit your agenda.

He should go his own way like she did. How he does that is up to him.

I never advocated anything you wrote. Those are your words not mine.
I don't have an agenda, this isn't the midterms.

The thought of her right at this second being with someone else 8-9 hours away is pissing me off like never before. I don't know if I can hold it out. I want to text her andet her know that I know she is not where she said she will be. Why wait until she comes back?
Let's say you tell her right now. Then what? What have you accomplished? Nothing. You're just going to be left scrambling to prepare for the coming storm, when you could have had all the time you need to get ready - had you stayed silent.

You need to:

1. Open your own bank account, and make the necessary changes to have your paycheck deposited into that new account.
2. You need to retain a lawyer, and ask them what documents you need in order to file for divorce. Gather those documents, and follow their instructions.
3. You need to research whether you live in a at-fault divorce state, or no-fault divorce state. Your attorney will also be able to tell you this. If you live in a fault state, then you need to gather physical evidence that will prove in court that she was cheating on you. Hence the VAR, and doing more digging.

Then, once you have your ducks in a row, have solid evidence that she is indeed cheating, have separated your paycheck from the joint account, and your attorney has drafted the necessary documents, and are having them served to her that day - then you can tell her parents, and the rest of her family and friends.
 

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Dont ever make any ultimatums or threats that you can't/won't carry out.

Let her wallow in it now. Do not warn her that you're contacting his wife. Theyll just conspire against you.

Your silence is best afterwards.

Cool, calm and collected.
 

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If it were me I'd send a short text.

I know where you are (location) who you're with, what you're doing.

Then go completey dark. Do not answer any texts or phone calls. Cheaters lie hide and deny. That's all you'll get. So skip any engagement at this time.

If he's married and I assume he is I'd send the same info to his wife. You have his phone number. You can probably find her on the net or Facebook.

Her knowing the jig is up isn't going to hurt you anymore than it has at this point.
Right, when he doesn't know either of those things. He needs proof, not assumptions.

Except that he doesn't know who the OM's wife is, or have proof that the OM is really who she's seeing. And that might be helpful, before you, you know, make completely unsupported allegations about him to his wife. Hiring a PI to go photograph them together, since he has their GPS location, would be a less idiotic thing to do. Geez Marc.
 

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If you live in a no fault state adultery won't matter.

You know the truth you don't need evidence. Unless you just want it.
OMG. You're not helping Marc. Yes, that's why he needs to get himself a lawyer, so he can find out what type of state he's in before blowing his only chance to collect evidence. Because if he does in fact live in a fault state, evidence will make a significant difference in court. For how much money he gets to keep, custody, everything.

But why get bogged down in frivolous details.
 

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Op google divorce laws in your state. It'll take you about 45 seconds to determine if it's no fault.

Most are nowadays.
 

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The thought of her right at this second being with someone else 8-9 hours away is pissing me off like never before. I don't know if I can hold it out. I want to text her andet her know that I know she is not where she said she will be. Why wait until she comes back?
I'd text and tell her not to bother coming home!

Tell her to just stay with her boyfriend... that's what I'd do.

Hit her hard. Ruin her time with him!


And don't believe a word she says when she calls crying to you!
 

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The thought of her right at this second being with someone else 8-9 hours away is pissing me off like never before. I don't know if I can hold it out. I want to text her andet her know that I know she is not where she said she will be. Why wait until she comes back?
bear-man:

Time to be a grizzly and not a teddy bear.

1. Lawyer up, now. Tell them to get the papers ready.

2. Divorce takes a long time. You can watch her actions and decide what you want to do.

3. I would text her to stay in Kentucky and that you will go ahead and tell everyone where she is and that she is shacking up with her new boyfriend. I wouldn't actually tell your kids but I wouldn't tell her that...I would tell the parents what is going on.

4. Do not answer texts or phone calls. Ghost her. It will drive her nuts.

5. Separate Finances. Cancel credit cards.

6. Have her served at work after she gets back. It will be a cold hard slap in the face.

7. Do not try to play the pick me dance. It never works. Do the 180 instead.

8. Stay strong, courageous, and decisive. We are all rooting for you. Now get it up and be a grizzly.
 

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Move all available money before you notify her.

Cancel all joint accounts and credit cards. Pro t balances on all cards out so you know how much combined debt you have now - so she can't try and make you pay for what she spends in the future.

Change the locks if you want. Tell her if she demands on staying in the house you plan to make her more than miserable if she's there.

Take charge! If you don't - she will.
 

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BluePower I figure it like this and I say this completely without judgement (just how it could go), if he does as you say then she can turn it straight back on and say her was emotionally abusive and that drove her away.

All he has so far is the car not being where she said it was too and a few phone records. At this point it would be trivial for her to turn it around on him to independent parties.

Also having it all dragged out in the open - could affect the kids? Is that not something to think about in your opinion?
Yeah, a lot of people think like this, and they would be wrong. This is not how you handle this stuff.

Affairs require the light of day to end them. Exposure at the right time is the only way to deal with this stuff. I know a lot of people have tried it the other way, and that leads to a host of other issues.

If you want to save a marriage, you have to be willing to end it. If she is gone the she is gone.

If she cares about her family or her reputation at all, the shame may wake her up.

Full brutal exposure at the right time is the only way...
 

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I am not a jerk. The mistakes I made were when I was in my 20s. I want to stay married of course but not if she is having an affair.
Were you in your 20's when you went back to ignoring her and being on your phone all the time?

If she's having an affair, and it sounds like she is, there is no excuse for that.

But if you have been ignoring her all the time every time you get comfortable, even after she's let you know she wants more closeness and connection -- what reason would she have to want to be with you? I don't mean this in a mean way, just a serious question.
 

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A strong man would deal with this upfront. Not play little wishy washy games of hide and seek.

All you're going to end up doing going this weak route is getting played and wallow in your wife's infidelity.

She's out screwing her boyfriend and you are home babysitting the kids acting affraid.

Why don't you try being pissed off. It's a lot better than being pissed on.
No Marc, that is not the deal. She makes more, he is filing on tues if he keeps his word, when she is served it is full exposure.

She is on a trip with her OM, come to find out, she is not coming back.

Better to file and expose. She is doing the separate and have an affair thing, he just needs to divorce and move on.

He could get alimony and maybe the kids, we will she what she says when she is busted...
 

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Discussion Starter #116
Here is an update. Earlier this morning, I was like F it, I am going to tell her that I know where she is. So I did. It was a simple message:"I know you're in x State and NOT where you said you were. We'll talk when you get here. Or you can stay there if you want. Bye"

She has yet to respond. Our kids had sports today. She didn't even call them to wish them good luck.

Car is no longer trackable for some odd reason.
 

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Car is no longer trackable for some odd reason.
Really? You mean your wife isn't just going to sit there and do nothing while you divorce her? That's news.

This mistake is going to cost you. You're now behind, rather than ahead in the fight.
 
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