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I agree. I still love her and might be willing to give her another shot but she has to come clean. Her search history on Google shows that she is also looking at lawyers. What actually is crazy is that she has a trip today which I am sure she will be meeting the other man. I kinda know that because she was searching for airline tickets for him to come see her. God. It is crazy how fast people change. Once I file, there is no taking back.
if she is paying for him to fly is important to keep track of so you might need in in the divorce save everything....

you might want to remind her that she better watch out for private investigators where she is going...just to tell her to make her paranoid....time to mess with her mind. it won't stop her but it will make her nervous.
 

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if she is paying for him to fly is important to keep track of so you might need in in the divorce save everything....

you might want to remind her that she better watch out for private investigators where she is going...just to tell her to make her paranoid....time to mess with her mind. it won't stop her but it will make her nervous.
The way I see it now is that she already betrayed me and she knows it. Whatever she does next isn't going to affect the damage that has already been done. It's her decision to do what she is doing and she should assume all the crap that will come with it. I am going to only worry about I can control and about the kiddos.
 

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@bear-man, i am very sorry to hear that you in a divorce situation. I empathize with you as I too am going throuh something similar with a son your oldest son's age.

I do not know which state you live in nor am I an attorney but the vast majority of divorces are equitable. That means that the process is sometimes as simple as splitting the assets and debts 50/50.

Alimony is practically nil in cases like yours (and mine for that matter) where both parties are higher income earners. Judges typically laugh at anyone who makes 6 figures asking for alimony.

Unless your wife is abusive to the children, a drug addict, or a neglectful parent, the reality is she'll be getting 50% custody. Assuming 50/50 custody, you are entitled to some child support based on the disparity in your incomes. If you want to know how much child custody is required by law, google "child support calculator" for your state. It takes into account incomes, who pays for medical insurance, and few other odds and ends. Most lawyers will do this on your behalf as soon as you file for divorce.

All this to say avoid shark attorneys. These are lawyers who will use your emotions to make an extra buck. Anyone who tells you that with a 40K difference in income that "she will be paying you a huge chunk of change each month" is a shark attorney. I know. My family is full of them. You should be doing your own research with regards to the divorce laws in your state. Do not let the shark attorneys use your emotions to rile you into a contentious divorce, one that will drag out for months and months and cost thousands and thousands of dollars.

I know it is difficult to do (TRUST ME) but get your divorce done expeditiously with the least amount of acrimony that you can muster. You, your kids, and your financial well being will be better off for it. You might get lucky like me. I struck while he was basking in the Golden *****. I ended up with a much better settlement than I would have had otherwise.
 

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I agree. I still love her and might be willing to give her another shot but she has to come clean.
A lot of times when kids are involved, I think reconciliation is worth a shot. But, I'm sorry to say, I think you both will be better off divorced. Your marriage had some serious issues and you both had some major part in that. It will be a monumental task to take your relationship and turn it into a quality, life-long marriage. Both of you would have to change so much, I'm not sure you'd recognize each other when it was all done. I think the best chance for happiness for both of you is to go on your own path and find the people who are right for you.

I worry your heart cares too much and will be vulnerable through this process. One thing that commonly happens is that she starts to turn on the charm, you get under her spell, and you let her have whatever she wants. If you're vulnerable to that, you need to take steps so that it doesn't happen to you.
 

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I agree. I still love her and might be willing to give her another shot but she has to come clean. Her search history on Google shows that she is also looking at lawyers. What actually is crazy is that she has a trip today which I am sure she will be meeting the other man. I kinda know that because she was searching for airline tickets for him to come see her. God. It is crazy how fast people change. Once I file, there is no taking back.
Do you need any kind of evidence to make sure you get the house and kids and money? If so, take screenshots of her search history, maybe even hire a PI to get proof. But if not, just stay cool. Happy that you've chosen this path; I know it sucks, but holding on to your principles is so much more important for you, in the long run.
 

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You need to be ready to expose them to both families and friends. Typically, she is start a campaign to save her reputation by throwing you under the bus. Unfortunately, the one who tells the story first is most likely to be believed for a long while. They often even claim the betrayed spouse is the one that was cheating, abusive and totally dishonest..

I would also be going back through older records and devices to see if she hasn’t been doing this longer than you suspect with more than one man. Your up and down marriage may point to multiple affairs.

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. She had other options besides doing the worst thing she could do to her family. But that’s typical of a self centered cheater.

Have your lawyer investigate her boyfriend to.

Good luck to you and your kids.
 

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I agree. I still love her and might be willing to give her another shot but she has to come clean. Her search history on Google shows that she is also looking at lawyers. What actually is crazy is that she has a trip today which I am sure she will be meeting the other man. I kinda know that because she was searching for airline tickets for him to come see her. God. It is crazy how fast people change. Once I file, there is no taking back.
Then file!

There's no sense in continuing with any wife that's plotting and planning to be with her OM - EVER!

She's not in this marriage - why should you be in it? I'd get it finalized asap.
 

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I agree. I still love her and might be willing to give her another shot but she has to come clean. Her search history on Google shows that she is also looking at lawyers. What actually is crazy is that she has a trip today which I am sure she will be meeting the other man. I kinda know that because she was searching for airline tickets for him to come see her. God. It is crazy how fast people change. Once I file, there is no taking back.
The truth is, she's been thinking about this a long time. It took time for her to convince herself. It took time to find someone she thought was right for her. She has been thinking, justifying, searching and testing the waters for a long time. She likely only cheated on you when she was sure and that may have been some time ago. She knows how to lie to you, so you believe her.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be hurtful. It is possible she just turned on a dime. It's highly unlikely.

You are doing well. Please continue and who knows what will happen? You can't take any chances, though. Keep heading toward divorce and covering you butt as best you can. It may be helpful to have proof, when you go for full custody. It might not be admissible, but that doesn't mean it won't help. Ask your attorney about it. Don't remember reading what she said or if you asked. Glad you got someone other than that guy. He was probably afraid to attack a woman and look bad, which would cause him to lose business.
 

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Like I said. Alimony is just a straight mathematical equation. Child custody will be a minimum50/50 maybe more for you if you have documented proof of how much you keep them. Not to mention child support!!!!!

There's a myth that they always come back. They don't. You'd be better of doing a hard 180 no contact.

She's been screwing her boyfriend for awhile now. Let him have her.

Ask yourself why you'd want that back now anyway?

Stay strong and file. It's your best path forward.

Don't live on hopium and wishful thinking. That will get you nothing.
 

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Well, I wonder what happened with the @bear-man. Hope he eventually tells us how it turned out. As has been said, you never appreciate what you've got 'til it's gone.
Or better yet - I never felt so free until I let go of what was dragging me down!


I too, wonder what happened when she took that trip with her OM.
 
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