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Discussion Starter #1
I am a tad confused by my STBXWs actions or lack thereof - she is living with another guy in a place 1000 miles away from me and I want a divorce to move on with my life. I have not seen her in over 7 months and yet she will not sign divorce papers. In my jurisdiction you have to be separated 1 year before a divorce can be finalized unless there is an agreement or infidelity (which I would be forced to prove). Yet she won't sign the divorce papers. I know most would say she is cake-eating but there is no cake to be had. I'm gone and never to return and she is living with someone else why does she not just sign the papers? I'm confused.
 

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Has she given you a reason?

Does she have any other form of contact with you?

Does she know you are gone and never to return?

Maybe, just maybe she is starting to find that the grass is not greener on the other side and is trying to retain a hook in you so she can attempt a reconciliation at some point. (Yes they can be that deluded)

Is there some kind of legal reason she is waiting? If she delays long enough she may get more share of the marriage 'pie'.

Is she just plain and simply enjoying tormenting you with this?
 

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In my jurisdiction you have to be separated 1 year before a divorce can be finalized unless there is an agreement or infidelity (which I would be forced to prove).
Have you got enough to prove it? Then you won't need to bother figuring oit what's in her head.
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Ask her one last time don't tell her what you will do . And if she does nothing , prove the infidelity and move on .
Every question has no answer and every problem has no solution . You must move on ,the why does not matter ,to move on matters
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Well they are living together - not hard to prove there isn't sex. Has not given me a reason - we do not communicate. But she is now startin to communicate through our kids - which I cannot stand. She knows me well enough that I would neer overcome this sense of betrayal she has done to me. No legal reason because I offered her everything just so I could get out of it. She might be enjoying tormenting me perhaps it is about control - I mean she was a real control freak. hhmm but could not control herself.
 

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She's not signing because she doesn't care. What I mean is she's already got everything setup the way she wants it. Any effort she put into signing and returning the D papers is something she'd be doing for you.

Is there anyway to not be nice to her? To give her a threat or a push to sign? For instance could you demand to change the agreement?
 

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I am a tad confused by my STBXWs actions or lack thereof - she is living with another guy in a place 1000 miles away from me and I want a divorce to move on with my life. I have not seen her in over 7 months and yet she will not sign divorce papers. In my jurisdiction you have to be separated 1 year before a divorce can be finalized unless there is an agreement or infidelity (which I would be forced to prove). Yet she won't sign the divorce papers. I know most would say she is cake-eating but there is no cake to be had. I'm gone and never to return and she is living with someone else why does she not just sign the papers? I'm confused.
Hire a detective to get photographic prove of her cheating.

It should be easy because you can tell the detective exactly where she is. It won't take long for him to then get photo proof.
 

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I just reread your threads.

Each step of the way your wife has called the shots and you've run along playing her game her way, hoping it would be better.

My advice - learn from this ordeal that nothing you've done - nothing - has made her treat you better than a sick dog that she's happy to kick with her foot to get out of her way.

Time to change the divorce terms - you need to file under adultery - and you need to take back all the concessions you made her.

You tried being generous to get her gone - but she refuses even to sign those papers. She basically has left your offer on the table and walked away.

The right thing to do is pull back the rejected offer and make a new less attractive one.
 

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You offered her everything just so you could get out of it. And your are not out . Change that 50-50 split and prove the infidelity .
She comunicate through your son , she was the one that cheated , ....... Don't ask her ,don't talk to her , don't talk to her through your son . Just get over with it and move on.

I believe that you are still hoping that she will come back to you.Is it not better for you to forget her?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
K it could be due to her not caring - I mean thats like her - but she was also like cut and dried when it came to decisions. In or out - but for some reason shes not doing this now - it would just be so easy for her to just move on but I guess for her it makes no difference. As for wanting her back - it could never happen - I am used to not having her now and would not go back to her even if I could. The betrayal would be with me for the rest of my days - easier to start over with someone new.
 

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She's not signing because she doesn't care. What I mean is she's already got everything setup the way she wants it. Any effort she put into signing and returning the D papers is something she'd be doing for you.

Is there anyway to not be nice to her? To give her a threat or a push to sign? For instance could you demand to change the agreement?
She doesn't need a divorce to live a cheaters lifestyle. Since when did any cheater wait for a divorce to live their ways?

It'll pan out soon.
 

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but she was also like cut and dried when it came to decisions. In or out - but for some reason shes not doing this now
Maybe she was before, but not any more. A cheater, by definition, does not choose in or out. Given the option, they'll live somewhere in between.
 

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I apologize for interupting but can anyone tell me how to post a new thread on this forum?
:) There is a 'New Thread' button on the top left corner of the Thread table.
 

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Threaten to fight for assets if the divorce isn't finalized.

On another note, it's just a piece of paper. You're now single and free. Start acting it even if "legally" you're still married. Just don't do major economic moves that your ex can get her claws in.
 

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How long have you been married? Around here the magic number is 20 years then greater chance of full alimony for the spouse especially if she hasn't worked much while you have been married.
 
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