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I wanted to thank everyone again for all the advice and support. This is an awesome site with valuable information and insight.

There is one thing I did not mention that I found strange. Each of my wife’s affair partners was or is married may with families at home.

Does she feel it is some sort of competitive game? A challenge of some sort?
Not a competition, but protection/self-preservation.

A woman who has an affair with a married man my think she can steal him by letting the other wife know he's sleeping with her. But she know this risk of exposure works both ways.

or

Should the affair turn sour and she become vindictive, she may wish to expose to the other wife as revenge. But again, that risk runs both ways.

It's like being prepared for nuclear war. As long as there's the threat of MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction), neither will launch such a volley.

This is why men who cheat often choose a married man with whom to cheat. She's just attracting that sort.
 

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So, if you know who each of them are, TELL THEIR SPOUSES what POS's they are married to.
You wife isn't who you thought she was, and she hid it too well.

Try to get her on a recording that she DID cheat with those men (in case THEIR spouses don't believe you...)
 

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I am generally known as someone who promotes reconciliation.

But, dude, seriously? A serial cheater with zero remorse?

Oh... I'm thinking Trifecta, here.

1) Expose!
2) DNA tests!
3) Divorce.

@MattMatt, I am with you on this one. This woman is has no virtue and is cruel.
 

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I want to thank each of you for the advice and words of encouragement. I do pray each day as part of my recovery program. I pray for guidance and serenity in this trying time.

I can’t help but feel this is my fault due to my alcoholism and the extreme isolation I exhibited. However, during all the dark, drunk days I never missed work (somehow) and always took care of my family financially. I was however like a third child at home. I was not very responsible.
When did the alcoholism begin? You've been together 23 years; did it start before, or was there something that came afterward that triggered it? You said she told you there had been quite a few affairs. Normally the truth dribbles out bit by bit, only what's required to pacify at the time. Did it feel like your wife was spilling the beans out of vengeance? It doesn't sound like she's simply not in love with you anymore; sounds close to hate.

You've got a current history of sobriety vs how long were you on the other side? Just wondering how many things passed under your nose. Only now are you able to see things clearly. It's not just her that's led two different lives. You too.

I tend to be on the reconciliation side here, but not this time. There's nothing to reconcile. She adapted to having a breadwinner that was blind to anything she might like to do. She's not going to change. I would find a very, very aggressive divorce lawyer, keeping in mind that she might do the same and your history of alcoholism is going to come up in a very big way. Document and save everything you can before taking that step, because if she's smart enough, she'll try to destroy evidence of her own transgressions but more importantly, will also seek to minimize any contributions you have made to the happy family. If that makes sense.
 

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I am generally known as someone who promotes reconciliation.

But, dude, seriously? A serial cheater with zero remorse?

Oh... I'm thinking Trifecta, here.

1) Expose!
2) DNA tests!
3) Divorce.
I completely agree. And just as your drinking was not her fault, her repeated affairs are NOT your fault. She had lots of other options, from separation or divorce to marriage counseling to Alanon. She chose to cheat over and over.

I am sorry to say that it sounds like your wife is no longer marriage material. You need to expose to strategic people for support, tell your children the truth about what is going on, and protect yourself and them. If she was cheating while you were drinking and cheating while you were away, she was absolutely neglecting the kids.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Focus on your own well being and your kids.
 

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C4U,

You wrote, My wife has now opened up to me and informed me that she has had multiple affairs and has kissed countless other men.

The kissing would bother me more than the other sex, kissing being the most passionate thing lovers do together.
 

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C4U,

You wrote, My wife has now opened up to me and informed me that she has had multiple affairs and has kissed countless other men.

The kissing would bother me more than the other sex, kissing being the most passionate thing lovers do together.
I don't know about bothering me more, but certainly it is at least equal in crossing a forbidden line. I agree that kissing is an intensely intimate thing to do and that people who minimize by saying "it was just kissing" are really missing the point.
 
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