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Ok... So I'm not sure what the hell I should do. Ill try to summarize since I'm on a iPhone typing. My wife of 6 years (been around for 10 years) split about 4 months ago. I was never told the reason other than her making things about me much more worse than they really were (blame shifting, I see it now). I had caught her "talking" to a co worker (guy) on Facebook about a month before she left, said it was nothing, no feelings, just needed someone to talk too, ya know, all that crap they all say at first. Month later she leaves for a night, comes back for two weeks to try to work it out, but refuses to sleep in the same room/touch/even look at me half the time, all the while telling me ill never change and I'm a pos, etc, etc. after 2 weeks of that I told her to pack her sh** and get out. After weeks of reeling in sadness I start doing some digging, turns out she was talking and skypeing with this guy every night during her trying to work it out phase, I confronted her and she still said he was only a friend. Fast forward through a lot of investigation and court and custody battles. The guy gets out of rehab, he moves in with her and they are now "serious". I won't deny the fact that I have since started seeing women also, but I can't stand that I'm still in love with this woman and want my family back. I know she doesn't give a rats a** about me, she tried to take my kids away and get child support (she failed horribly) she tried to make me believe I was the one who caused our marriage and family to fall into shambles, when in reality I may not have been perfect, but I treated her better than any man she ever had ANY kind of relationship with. She didn't even have a father, so I think she pinned her daddy issues on me. Anyway... I'm trying to look at this objectively, and not with my emotions. I know I still love her, I would go to MC if I thought she would be serious, our kids deserve a real family. I know she never will though, and I almost got into a fist fight with the OM twice so far, so I know he monitors her. He won't even let her drop/pick up kids to/from me without him being there. Divorce is filed, I won custody and child support. But I know deep down I don't want this. I want my family to work, but the I have to remind myself that she won't allow that, because through all the lies and deceit, her friend(who did the same to her husband 6 months before) and the OM have convinced her that I've held her down all this time and I only wanted to be on control... Bull****

Sad part is this OM is draining her financially (no car, license, job) because his alcohol/drug addiction landed him in jail/rehab during the initial split between her and I and he lost everything, so now he's using her. It's pathetic. Wtf are some people thinking?!?!
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Discussion Starter #2
Also I should add that she is considered one of the top nurses at the hospital she works at and deals with a lot of the IC's in our area. Every time I've tried to set an appt I never get a call back because I believe she catches wind of it.
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I can only relate on some levels not all. I am sorry that you are going through this. You have to remeber that she left you and it was not your fault. You need to focus on you and your children.
 

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Oh yeah, I get that... My kids are doing ok, they miss us as a family (they are young) and I'm surviving. I just keep getting pulled back to the idea that its not to late to bring the woman that I was house shopping with and planning another pregnancy just 2 months before all this started... So damn sudden an confusing.
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I know I have two girls and the hubby is living in an apartment in the next city and I get to here them cry for the family that we once were. I have to hold it together till they go to bed and cry in the shower so they dont hear me.
 

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I'm done shedding tears for the most part, which is good. I guess the feeling that I can describe this as, is remorse. She wasn't even willing to work out the problems and had I known there were any (since she denied anything being wrong with us up until the last day) I would have done anything to fix it. I have moments of clairity where I know I'm only giving in to false hope and that this IS life now. But that damn regret and nostalgia hits me hard every now and then.
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JDL,

She's gone man. Stop pining for a woman who threw you aside like yesterday's newspaper. A woman who lied constantly to you and probably exposed you to STDs (get yourself tested BTW)

Only deal with her regarding the kids and for God's sake, don't lay a hand on the other man! Your kids need you at home, not in jail!

i wouldn't put it past them to try and lure you into a confrontation!
 

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Remorse is tough but you cannot change the past. What's done is done. The only thing you can effect now is the future.

Be the best Dad you can be to your children. Give them an example to live by. Live you life like you want to and how you would like.

It sucks what happened to you but she made this choice on her own. Don't own all the blame. I know you probably don't wish bad things on your ex, just look at it as karma :)
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I accept no blame for the situation, maybe I wasn't perfect, but she checked out at the sight of a rough patch rather than working it out like a functional married couple would. She still means the world to me, but at the same time nothing... It's confusing. I believe I'm holding on to an idea of a woman that existed once, yet accepting the new one that took her place. It is what it is, and I'm dealing with it day by day, I'm just waiting for the memory of the woman I love to fade, and the surrogate that I despise who took her place to become permanent. Confusing matters of the heart >_<
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