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Hello,

I'm going through a bad breakup with my partner of 6 years. We lived in my house and I kicked her out because I could take no more of her abuse. I'm not sure right now and may have overreacted kicking her out.

I'm 44 and she's 42, both divorced with no kids and living together for 5 years. It all started going downhill when she started studying to become a therapist at 40, quit her previous work and career (although when she did have work she contributed little to the household) and was put on antidepressants.

She had an old boyfriend (20 years ago, he is Jewish and his family never accepted her so they broke up), but she never seemed to get over him. She constantly mentioned him and stories about him. This guy was married to a Jewish woman and had 3 kids, but it seemed they never lost contact.

One day three years ago she confessed she is extremely sad and had cried for days alone because the guy died and that she was afraid to tell me because she didn't know how I would react.

I did tell her I was sorry, but that I didn't understand she was so upset and depressed as their relationship ended so many years ago. She even went to his funeral wearing a disguise making a fool of herself and just took things to far. She neglected our relationship and was generally depressed, so she was put on an antidepressant and our sex life deteriorated massively. She never understood how her mourning made me feel she was not in love with me and blamed me for not understanding her. Years went by and the sex never returned to normal.

She then started studying to be a therapist and having school bills and quit her job to study full time (she's a brilliant student BTW). I started footing all the household bills and moved to a new and more expensive house and she just kept running up all the bills not showing any kind of thought for my finances. I just felt overwhelmed and she just wanted to keep studying and not really looking for work.

Long story short, she was basically just laying around the house all day but very busy when it came to studying and going out with her female friends. She rarely was with me and just fought when I got home. This kept growing until last Saturday I caught her lying when she told me she would stay at home studying or maybe go out and have lunch with her mom. Her mom called and said she was out of town, and I confronted my girlfriend and she said she really had plans to have lunch with a recently divorced female friend of hers and showed me the texts to prove it (I didn't ask to see her phone).

As I was talking to her and getting ready for work, she got a message and suddenly covered her screen. I asked her to show me who was texting, but she was highly protective of her phone and told me she didn't owe me an explanation. I just went to work and forgot about it.

At night she came home excited and told me she was sleeping over at her friend's house and said I could call her all the time I wanted to check she was there. I told her I was not OK with that but that I would not stop her, so she took some clothes and left. She called and texted during the night but I didn't care to answer.

Next day she came home and started making trouble over how I didn't call or text back and interrogating me where I was all night (I was home all night BTW). I told her I left her alone last night and that she shouldn't be asking me where I was. she became verbally abusive and I just snapped.

I couldn't take it anymore and confronted her about her being so protective of her phone and that she should leave if she didn't come clean about it. She got extremely nervous and said she would leave the next day and pick her things up during the following weeks. She told me I was paranoid and delusional and should seek help or be institutionalized.

I told her she could not stay not even on the couch and she should leave immediately. During the argument, she kept stepping out to text and call someone. She finally grabbed some clothes and left for good.

She is now staying at her mother's and calls and texts angrily saying I'm acting crazy and hates me for kicking her out of the house, has no place to go and no intentions to come back to me. Said she didn't show me her phone that day because she was hiding that she was recording our whole argument and sending it to her friends.

She picked almost all of her clothes in the following days and leaves angry messages saying I treated her like a ho.

Did I do something wrong?
 

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No, you did nothing wrong.

You told her that you were not ok with the way things were. She ignored your needs. It's completely reasonable to end a relationship with someone who was acting they way she did.

She has a place to stay, with her mother. She can find a job now and get a place of her own.

Have you told her to stop harassing's you?
 

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Hello,

I'm going through a bad breakup with my partner of 6 years. We lived in my house and I kicked her out because I could take no more of her abuse. I'm not sure right now and may have overreacted kicking her out.

I'm 44 and she's 42, both divorced with no kids and living together for 5 years. It all started going downhill when she started studying to become a therapist at 40, quit her previous work and career (although when she did have work she contributed little to the household) and was put on antidepressants.

She had an old boyfriend (20 years ago, he is Jewish and his family never accepted her so they broke up), but she never seemed to get over him. She constantly mentioned him and stories about him. This guy was married to a Jewish woman and had 3 kids, but it seemed they never lost contact.

One day three years ago she confessed she is extremely sad and had cried for days alone because the guy died and that she was afraid to tell me because she didn't know how I would react.

I did tell her I was sorry, but that I didn't understand she was so upset and depressed as their relationship ended so many years ago. She even went to his funeral wearing a disguise making a fool of herself and just took things to far. She neglected our relationship and was generally depressed, so she was put on an antidepressant and our sex life deteriorated massively. She never understood how her mourning made me feel she was not in love with me and blamed me for not understanding her. Years went by and the sex never returned to normal.

She then started studying to be a therapist and having school bills and quit her job to study full time (she's a brilliant student BTW). I started footing all the household bills and moved to a new and more expensive house and she just kept running up all the bills not showing any kind of thought for my finances. I just felt overwhelmed and she just wanted to keep studying and not really looking for work.

Long story short, she was basically just laying around the house all day but very busy when it came to studying and going out with her female friends. She rarely was with me and just fought when I got home. This kept growing until last Saturday I caught her lying when she told me she would stay at home studying or maybe go out and have lunch with her mom. Her mom called and said she was out of town, and I confronted my girlfriend and she said she really had plans to have lunch with a recently divorced female friend of hers and showed me the texts to prove it (I didn't ask to see her phone).

As I was talking to her and getting ready for work, she got a message and suddenly covered her screen. I asked her to show me who was texting, but she was highly protective of her phone and told me she didn't owe me an explanation. I just went to work and forgot about it.

At night she came home excited and told me she was sleeping over at her friend's house and said I could call her all the time I wanted to check she was there. I told her I was not OK with that but that I would not stop her, so she took some clothes and left. She called and texted during the night but I didn't care to answer.

Next day she came home and started making trouble over how I didn't call or text back and interrogating me where I was all night (I was home all night BTW). I told her I left her alone last night and that she shouldn't be asking me where I was. she became verbally abusive and I just snapped.

I couldn't take it anymore and confronted her about her being so protective of her phone and that she should leave if she didn't come clean about it. She got extremely nervous and said she would leave the next day and pick her things up during the following weeks. She told me I was paranoid and delusional and should seek help or be institutionalized.

I told her she could not stay not even on the couch and she should leave immediately. During the argument, she kept stepping out to text and call someone. She finally grabbed some clothes and left for good.

She is now staying at her mother's and calls and texts angrily saying I'm acting crazy and hates me for kicking her out of the house, has no place to go and no intentions to come back to me. Said she didn't show me her phone that day because she was hiding that she was recording our whole argument and sending it to her friends.

She picked almost all of her clothes in the following days and leaves angry messages saying I treated her like a ho.

Did I do something wrong?
In my mind you did for putting up with all her crap for years.
 

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The upshot is you have done the hardest thing letting her go, now you just have to stop being codependent by her manipulation. You been drugged around so long you don't know how to be a normal person.

Just block her because she'll rewrite your relationship to who will ever listen to her.

Take a deep breath, and be confident that it will happen no more. Start a new day when you wake indulge yourself buy something nice and enjoy the moment you will have plenty more to come. Learn to enjoy yourself alot and life will take care of it's self. Do not have thoughts of regret or what ifs.

Stand courageous and meaningful to those who appreciate you for you. It's ok to grab glory now and again. Don't be a stranger and when you do get it or working towards it stay and help others who have little belief in themselves.


Congratulations----- Urisamanana you passed the test.
 

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The lady doth protest too much, methinks....Hamlet

her actions are those of some who is deceptive and mask her deceit by blame-shifting you for having the problem....the other posters are absolutely correct, you took a stand and you demonstrated that you will not be subjected to lies and abuse...i say good ridden, she is bad news and a bad person....clearly another example that proves my hypothesis that those who go into psychology, therapy or couseling do so to try to fix themselves first....she may be a brilliant student but a sucky patient/therapist.
 

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No, you did nothing wrong.

While I am not sure anyone has come right out and said it... The odd stay, based on behavior you described, that she is currently cheating on you with someone.

Further, she was cheating on you with the old Jewish BF, at least emotionally, but you can bet if they had proximity then they were screwing.

You handled this perfectly, in the end. There were lots of red flags for a while that should have alerted you earlier but once you figured it out you did well.

And just because she may have mental issues she still knew what he was doing and that was using you the whole time....

GHOST HER and move on...
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Her therapist career was hell for me. I was constantly diagnosed with different mental illnesses: her last diagnosis was paranoia with psychotic outbreak losing touch with reality because I was not OK with her protecting her phone an sleeping over at her friend's.
 

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Her therapist career was hell for me. I was constantly diagnosed with different mental illnesses: her last diagnosis was paranoia with psychotic outbreak losing touch with reality because I was not OK with her protecting her phone an sleeping over at her friend's.
Getting a diagnosis of your behavior is out of control IMO. You did the correct thing with separating. It is obvious she is up to something.
 

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Her therapist career was hell for me. I was constantly diagnosed with different mental illnesses: her last diagnosis was paranoia with psychotic outbreak losing touch with reality because I was not OK with her protecting her phone an sleeping over at her friend's.
Talk about projecting. Wow. Thankfully you are free of that now.
 

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Congratulations on having a pair and not putting up with the crap. Your life will be better for it.
Funny thing is she had been threatening to leave for years but never got to it. Before kicking her out I was thinking about telling her she should get her own place
 

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Her therapist career was hell for me. I was constantly diagnosed with different mental illnesses: her last diagnosis was paranoia with psychotic outbreak losing touch with reality because I was not OK with her protecting her phone an sleeping over at her friend's.

Sadly you can't fix stupid...she will never evolve
 

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Hello,

I'm going through a bad breakup with my partner of 6 years. We lived in my house and I kicked her out because I could take no more of her abuse. I'm not sure right now and may have overreacted kicking her out.
It is normal to have such second, third etc thoughts; it's the way men are wired (less compartmentalisation). Evolution wise it's great for the species, you just keep get used and abused, especially by your mate or leaders, nut really sucks for the man (but they're replaceable as entities and disposable)
 

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Hello,

I'm going through a bad breakup with my partner of 6 years. We lived in my house and I kicked her out because I could take no more of her abuse. I'm not sure right now and may have overreacted kicking her out.

I'm 44 and she's 42, both divorced with no kids and living together for 5 years. It all started going downhill when she started studying to become a therapist at 40, quit her previous work and career (although when she did have work she contributed little to the household) and was put on antidepressants.

She had an old boyfriend (20 years ago, he is Jewish and his family never accepted her so they broke up), but she never seemed to get over him. She constantly mentioned him and stories about him. This guy was married to a Jewish woman and had 3 kids, but it seemed they never lost contact.

One day three years ago she confessed she is extremely sad and had cried for days alone because the guy died and that she was afraid to tell me because she didn't know how I would react.

I did tell her I was sorry, but that I didn't understand she was so upset and depressed as their relationship ended so many years ago. She even went to his funeral wearing a disguise making a fool of herself and just took things to far. She neglected our relationship and was generally depressed, so she was put on an antidepressant and our sex life deteriorated massively. She never understood how her mourning made me feel she was not in love with me and blamed me for not understanding her. Years went by and the sex never returned to normal.

She then started studying to be a therapist and having school bills and quit her job to study full time (she's a brilliant student BTW). I started footing all the household bills and moved to a new and more expensive house and she just kept running up all the bills not showing any kind of thought for my finances. I just felt overwhelmed and she just wanted to keep studying and not really looking for work.

Long story short, she was basically just laying around the house all day but very busy when it came to studying and going out with her female friends. She rarely was with me and just fought when I got home. This kept growing until last Saturday I caught her lying when she told me she would stay at home studying or maybe go out and have lunch with her mom. Her mom called and said she was out of town, and I confronted my girlfriend and she said she really had plans to have lunch with a recently divorced female friend of hers and showed me the texts to prove it (I didn't ask to see her phone).

As I was talking to her and getting ready for work, she got a message and suddenly covered her screen. I asked her to show me who was texting, but she was highly protective of her phone and told me she didn't owe me an explanation. I just went to work and forgot about it.

At night she came home excited and told me she was sleeping over at her friend's house and said I could call her all the time I wanted to check she was there. I told her I was not OK with that but that I would not stop her, so she took some clothes and left. She called and texted during the night but I didn't care to answer.

Next day she came home and started making trouble over how I didn't call or text back and interrogating me where I was all night (I was home all night BTW). I told her I left her alone last night and that she shouldn't be asking me where I was. she became verbally abusive and I just snapped.

I couldn't take it anymore and confronted her about her being so protective of her phone and that she should leave if she didn't come clean about it. She got extremely nervous and said she would leave the next day and pick her things up during the following weeks. She told me I was paranoid and delusional and should seek help or be institutionalized.

I told her she could not stay not even on the couch and she should leave immediately. During the argument, she kept stepping out to text and call someone. She finally grabbed some clothes and left for good.

She is now staying at her mother's and calls and texts angrily saying I'm acting crazy and hates me for kicking her out of the house, has no place to go and no intentions to come back to me. Said she didn't show me her phone that day because she was hiding that she was recording our whole argument and sending it to her friends.

She picked almost all of her clothes in the following days and leaves angry messages saying I treated her like a ho.

Did I do something wrong?
Dude....looking at that from the outside....that was a disaster. You two are toxic, there is no reason for you two to ever talk again.
Change the locks to keep her out and just let it go.
Do not even look back, you two sounded horrible together and she was being shady anyway, you were never happy, never intimate, fought all the time. Just be glad it is over.
She came and got her clothes? She shouldn't have access to your home anymore. CHANGE THE LOCKS ASAP.

ps - next time break up sooner. You showed weakness. There has to be consequences when someone treats you horribly. I am speaking about her lying and going out of town and not telling you. Who cares if she shows you some texts after the fact about where she was. You should have ended things right there on the spot over such deceptive and toxic behavior.
 

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Let someone else support her and she can bull**** and diagnose them.

She's a therapist....not even a real doctor like a psychiatrist.

You're better off without her.....block her now.
 

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Her therapist career was hell for me. I was constantly diagnosed with different mental illnesses: her last diagnosis was paranoia with psychotic outbreak losing touch with reality because I was not OK with her protecting her phone an sleeping over at her friend's.
There must be something very wrong with her education, or maybe it's just her. Why? Because she should have been taught that diagnosis of anyone close to her is off limits. It's abusive to misuse her education background to demean you and to use it against you like that.
 

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Right. Keep things like you got 'em. Be thankful you never married her. Kicking her out was, in no way, an overreaction.
 

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Discussion Starter #20 (Edited)
She is now extremely p'od and gets worse every day. I changed the locks and put all her stuff together so she can pick it up, she went ballastic and threatened to sue me saying I'm violent (I have videos proving she is the violent one), that she has powerful friends and that 'everyone' now knows how terrible I am, and how I mistreated her when I kicked her out after spending the night at her friend's house because she was recording my voice that night (I also have videos of the same thing). I was very upset that night and raised my voice and used some swear words in response to her insults.

Yesterday I told her this is the result of years of abuse, insults and humiliation. Her being shady was the last straw.

And the list goes on and on over the years; she crashed the SUV I gave her multiple times, has endless traffic violations, has been violent with other drivers to the point of keying a car that was blocking her parking spot.

She has MS and I've always been supportive and caring when it comes to her disease.

3 - 4 times a year she got drunk and violent, most of the times she passed out drunk and vomited. One time when mourning her Jewish ex when he died, she got drunk and confused me with him and got horny and then violent.

I have a video of her talking to one of her friends saying that she shouldn't have left a millionaire boyfriend that cheated on her before she met me.

She was always indescreet and made all her female friends, her sister and her mom know even our smallest problems. I talked to her mom many times and she admitted her daughter can be a handful and has a terrible mood.

Her male friends love me and I became close to them, as well as many of her familiy members.

Her mom was many times the victim of her verbal abuse and overspending

This is all true and I'm not exaggerating a bit.

She always said I have so much good things going in my life and that I should just shut up about my problems and my worries.

I was an awkward, skinny and insecure teenager that suffered intense bullying at school.

I'm now good looking, athletic, intelligent, sociable, cultured, responsible, caring... I'm a business owner that could be doing better, but in no way gave her a bad life. I begged her to stay and work on the relationship so many times it hurt.

Why did I put up with her crap for so many years?
 
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