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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I could really use some help, as I'm not sure where to turn. I recently discovered that my husband was looking at transvestites online. It was in his computer history, this is the first time I've gone through that, and it only occurred twice. There was no indication he looked at them before or since. He is very interested in me and our sex life, but I know sometimes they can put on an act...We are also getting over a dry spell.

I have confronted him about it and he said he was just curious for a little bit and is done with it now. I would believe him, except he has lied to me before. Another red flag I have is that he does like butt play, but some guys out there just do...

Apart from him just telling me he's gay, I'm not sure what I can do and it's really really eating me up. I could use opinions! Thanks in advance.
 

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Do you think he is Gay? what does your gut say? i don't get why my husband is so different from the guy i married - i am starting to think he is gay as he is very unhappy in our marriage but at same time does not leave either- how do you mean put on act?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have no idea if he is or not. My gut is confused also. I don't know what to think. I don't think he puts on an act when we have sex, but maybe he doesn't want to admit what he really likes. That's why I wanted to know if this is a normal guy thing to do or not. If your husband is unhappy in your marriage, that definitely doesn't mean he's gay, do you have any other red flags about that?
 

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I'm thinking some deep breaths and relax. We're all sexual beings and some of us are more open to our fealings and exploration then others. Why was it that you went searching his computer history? If there's more going on that's one thing but snooping for the sake of snooping and then confronting him with it is kinda shady. Think things through before you act. Confronting him likely gets a him to withdrawal and be defensive. If you want to know about his interests/fantasies etc. approach it in a way that is safe and builds trust. If you're concerned about him being unhappy in the marriage can you have that conversation in a calm and productive way?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Let me start with why I snooped. Normally I'm against that, but since Jan., he had been acting different, wanting sex less, claiming it was stress at work, getting more distant from me. Right before I snooped, we were getting better, but I just had a nagging feeling and I just felt I should. I just had a gut feeling I'd find something, and I did. I just really don't like the fact that I don't think he would have owned up to doing it ever if I hadn't found out. So I'm wondering what else I don't know.

I did calmly retalk to him about it recently, because I confronted him a couple months ago about it. Both of us were upset and not in the best state of mind, so we put it off for a bit to calm down and figure things out. Recently he did say it was just a curiosity. We did calmly talk and have a very nice talk where we both opened up. But I just don't know if he's fully telling the truth and I have no idea if it's normal for straight men to be curious about such a thing.
 

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All I can say is keep the communication going, let him know that he feels somewhat distant and that you'd like to work on it together. I think you were right on by putting sensitive topics off until you're both in a better state of mind. You might find that he is more comfortable opening up with you the more you open up with him...an exchange of sensitive information you might say. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" but without the explicit requirement to reciprocate. I do think you have be careful about making a link between finding his "curiosity" and his being distant. They could be completely unrelated. Beyond that I don't know if there is such a thing as "normal" I dated a lot before marriage and ran into a lot of women with "interesting" desires. I kept an open mind and for the most part enjoyed whatever it was.
 

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I don't think a couple visits to a transvestite site necessarily indicate he is gay. It could just be that he was curious. If you found him masturbating to it that would be a different story.
 

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I wouldn't be worried about it. Sometimes guys check out a site or two purely for the gross out aspect, like graphic car crash scenes. If you notice the high heels and fishnets missing or not where they should be, then call him out.
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