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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well I am totally frustrated with counseling. Me and my wife have some issues we want to work out. So back in the summer we tried counseling, we went for a couple of months. Things seemed better and we felt like the MC was no longer helpful. We agreed that she never got to the real issues. It seems are issues are things we have both carried for quite some time. She never explored those things with us or if she did it was very briefly. Fast forward--> About a month ago, things are back to where they were when we 1st seeked counseling. So we started with a new counselor, who someone recommended. She is extremely qualified (college professor, Phd,wrote some books etc.) she is older around 70. So we had high hopes that she could help. However, we are extremely frustrated with her. Today was the 2nd missed meeting by her. We have had one joint session and have each had an individual meeting. We both feel that we need to find someone else, but who? We have had bad luck so far. We need a counselor who will find out who we are and help us figure out what the real issues are, and how to move forward. Is that an unreasonable expectation? We need someone who will get into our heads, we are both fairly shy reserved people and the counselors never really asked questions to get to know us and to get us to open up. Do they do that? Are there different types of MC? How do you find a good one? Are we expecting to much?
Please advise
 

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IMO counselors and therapists are a joke.

what kind of person makes a living out of hearing other peoples problems.

I will qualify that by saying if someone was seriously messed up like serious abuse or rape or mentally ill they may be relevant.

I have dated one (wow....a headcase), sought out two on seperate occasions, both were a waste of time and only agreed, and been dragged to one by my wife over a "behavioral" thing with my daughter...and that was a nightmare.

So many people are unwilling or unable to simply put pen to paper, identify the issues and seek out answers via, books, web research, conversation etc.
 

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Wow, ATC... that's a harsh outlook. As a former counselor, I can agree that there is plenty of truth to what you say, but it's certainly not just because counselors are all messed up! Some are. Sometimes there are limitations because we do not understand the mind and body well enough. Sometimes the patients can't/won't/don't want to break through their own protections.

But anyway, to Lost in PA:

Why not resume sessions with the counselor you saw before? It sounds like you both felt that it worked well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
We were discouraged because she never seemed to dig and find out the real underlying issues. She thought we were in a good place and suggested we have fewer visits. Shouldn't she have tried to get to the root of the issues?
 

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I have never met a counselor that was interested in anything more than scheduling another session.
Our MC worked very hard at getting us to communicate again. She helped knock down the walls between us. She never cared about any details of specific events or issues, other than to walk us through being able to talk to each other productively again. By the 6th session she says, "why are you two still here?" Basically, you've got the tools, you're much calmer, you're talking again, go work through your ****.

She saved our marriage.
 

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You could try making interview appointments with several different counselors as a couple before deciding on one.
 

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We were discouraged because she never seemed to dig and find out the real underlying issues. She thought we were in a good place and suggested we have fewer visits. Shouldn't she have tried to get to the root of the issues?
From what you said in your OP, it sounds like she met your expectations and you reached the treatment goals that you had. If you go back to her and say that the work you did improved things, but didn't get to the heart of things and you found yourselves back in the same place, I'm sure she'd write up different treatment goals to work on (or recommend someone who can do the kind of work you need.)
 

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We went to our first one who had his own issues that surfaced in about our 5th meeting.

We tried for a second who was recommended. She stood us up.

The third was by chance from a website. It looked like a professional group and their resumes and experiences posted. Tried for the one who looked to best for our situation and she was booked. She referred us to another at the office and she was great.
 

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My MC saved not only my marriage but ME. I used her for IC as well. She's awesome!

However I have been to a few counselors I didn't like. I think sometimes you have to shop around to find someone you click with, someone that's talented and someone with a high success rate.
 

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From what you said in your OP, it sounds like she met your expectations and you reached the treatment goals that you had. If you go back to her and say that the work you did improved things, but didn't get to the heart of things and you found yourselves back in the same place, I'm sure she'd write up different treatment goals to work on (or recommend someone who can do the kind of work you need.)
I am having a hard time with our MC right now as well and am surprised I'm actually even suggesting this, but this actually sounds like good advice. Maybe during counseling, you two didn't open up as much as needed for your MC to see the underlying problems you had and they weren't surfacing? During counseling sessions towards the end you may have actually appeared happy with each other and she didn't think there was anything else there to fix?
 
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