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Hi, this is my first post to the site to please be gentle :(

I recently found out my husband has been posting ads on Craiglist. They are placed in the strictly platonic area, but as anyone who visits the site knows that does not mean just friendship. He has posted in the past on several occasions and I've talked with him and asked him to stop posting 3 times because I don't feel comfortable with him talking to women online. He is a very flirty man, and I have seen some of the text messages he's sent to women he has met on there. I am unsure of how to react to finding out he has been posting again, after having conversations with him before.

The first time I talked to him he told me he felt resentment towards me because I wouldn't let him talk to other people. The second time he said he understood and would stop because i didn't like it.

I am unsure of what to do from here... we've been married for 3 years and don't have any children. I thought we were very happy... we communicate pretty well (or so i thought) and it's not a 'not getting any' situation because I instigate more than he does and willing to do anything he wants in that department.

One more bit of info, when we first got married he gave me permission to be with other women (i am bisexual) and he said it wouldn't bother him as long as I came home to him at night. I tried it one time and felt like I was cheating so I never have again. I felt very guilty because I was sleeping with another person but I knew that I would be very upset if he did the same. .. I don't know if that has anything to do with this but I'm just so confused as to what I have done that he can't talk to me :(
 

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It doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me. He gave you permission to sleep with other women because you are bisexual, what does that tell you? That he is kind and loving? NOT, it would tell me that person isn't serious about marriage. I'm not sure why you would even try it one time.

You both need to sit down and discuss exactly what marriage means to you both. Does it mean just the two of you, or does it mean inviting others into it? If he wants the marriage to have a chance he needs to get off craigslist, plain and simple.

BTW, would he have given you the same permission to sleep with men as well? If you're bisexual thats men and/or women. Why did he say women and not men as well?
 

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He sort of acts like he wouldn't be upset if I were to sleep with another man. I've told him that it doesn't make me feel very comfortable that he would be ok with that but he's just not the jealous type.

I tried it once with the idea of being ok with an open relationship. (Being new into marriage and him being the only person I've ever been intimate with probably didn't help). We talked about the open relationship part and decided that other people wouldn't be involved. He always tells me that he just likes to talk to people and thats why he posts on CL. He posts in the strictly platonic section, but from what I've read on his phone he talks about being naked and such. I know at this point its just excuses, but I really do love him. I just wish he didn't need to seek out attention from others.
 

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Have you been able to read what he posts on craigslist? He says talking to "people", so does this include men or is he just talking to women? Exactly what does he need to talk about? if he is talking on his phone about being naked, that doesn't sound real platonic.
 

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No, it doesn't. But he swears he's just being flirty and knows when to stop. He says he just likes the attention. I have read the ads, most sound innocent enough but they are posted as m4w. I told him i was ok with him looking for guys to talk to because I understand he doesn't have many friends.
 

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He is looking to chat up and possibly hook up with other women. If he really was interested in wanting to chat with other "people" then you both could go out and make friends, or go on a couples date etc, but he chatting up women and talking about being naked. The signs are right there, no matter what he SAYS.
 

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He may have told you 'it's ok for you to be with other women' because he's looking for that same approval from you as well.

My exH did this. He tried pushing me into having sex with another man (a friend of his) with the stipulation: only if he could watch. His whole purpose in pursuing this was so he could justify him wanting/having other women in his bed. This is just one of the reasons he's now an ex. And the answer is No, it never happened. His 'friend' told him he was nuts!!!
 
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A lion doesn't seek out casual, friendly associations with meat. The only reason for a straight guy to go hunting for women is to feed his sexual appetite, whether physically or mentally. He's not interested in exchanging recipes or interior decorating tips. He was ok with you having sex with another person. That should suggest he doesn't value intimacy with you as a married man should. He would rather chat up strange women and hurt you than just stop the contacts and help you feel secure in your marriage. In other words, your security and your feelings aren't as important as whatever gratification he's getting. Whether it happens between the legs of another woman or just between his ears, cheating is cheating and betrayal is betrayal. If he hasn't actually had sex with another woman, would it be because he values you so much or because he just hasn't found the opportunity? If my wife were mind-screwing some other guy, I doubt it would hurt me worse if she was actually doing it for real.
 
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