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I feel a little strange posting here, I have read some but I usually post on the coping with infidelity forum. I dont know if I should post this there or here but its so personal that I almost feel bad for posting it.
My husband had a couple of affairs, I believe he is done with them now but then I really dont know for sure? It started in 2007 and went thru 2010, at that time he came home and has been home since.
The OW was thinner than I am, she had nothing else going for her but that, because she is hideous in my opinion. I have felt inadequate since although our sex life has been "ok". In the last 3 years sex has gone up and down for us. At current its been two weeks and its not because of me.
If I initiate sex it seems like it doesnt work. He has to be the one that starts it and even then its not always successful. Things will start good and then during sex he will go soft and in an attempt to get him hard again I will do whatever it takes. Often times he will ejaculate while his somewhat soft penis is in my hand. It seems so unnatural to me that this can happen but Im not a man so I dont know?!
I have narrowed it down to 4 reasons but am hoping that someone thats dealt with this might be able to help me.
1) He masturbates too much, which makes him not want to be intimate with me. I dont know how much he does it but have found evidence of it, but not daily and not consistently. When I mention it to him he gets angry and says "cant a person have a private moment". I totally get him doing it, not against it at all but he gets so mad if its brought up, as if Im fussing at him for doing it and all I do is tell him I dont care until it affects our sex life.
2) He is screwing someone else or wants to be. (again he swears he is done with the OW and I honestly dont have any proof that he isnt)
3) He has a medical condition, be it testosterone or depression (he is very negative and down about everything in life in the last 3 years...he always sees the glass as half empty.)
4) He isnt attracted to me. (The last time I said something about him masturbating was about 3 months ago....he got very angry and said he didnt want to have sex with me, he wasnt attracted to me. Hearing him say it totally broke my heart but that night he wanted to have sex with me...go figure).
I dont even ask for sex anymore because I dont want to feel rejected and I dont want him to feel pressured if it doesnt happen.
Is it normal to be able to ejaculate when it appears to me he isnt even turned on. The first couple of times it happened I was shocked because I didnt think he was even aroused and then BAM! I told him I wasnt expecting it because he wasnt hard and he said it still felt good.
We do have sex occassionally, it was about once a week but in the last couple of months we sometimes go two weeks but it always has to be on his terms or it doesnt work?!
Any ideas, suggestions? Its hard not to take it personal! (no pun intended)
My husband had a couple of affairs, I believe he is done with them now but then I really dont know for sure? It started in 2007 and went thru 2010, at that time he came home and has been home since.
The OW was thinner than I am, she had nothing else going for her but that, because she is hideous in my opinion. I have felt inadequate since although our sex life has been "ok". In the last 3 years sex has gone up and down for us. At current its been two weeks and its not because of me.
If I initiate sex it seems like it doesnt work. He has to be the one that starts it and even then its not always successful. Things will start good and then during sex he will go soft and in an attempt to get him hard again I will do whatever it takes. Often times he will ejaculate while his somewhat soft penis is in my hand. It seems so unnatural to me that this can happen but Im not a man so I dont know?!
I have narrowed it down to 4 reasons but am hoping that someone thats dealt with this might be able to help me.
1) He masturbates too much, which makes him not want to be intimate with me. I dont know how much he does it but have found evidence of it, but not daily and not consistently. When I mention it to him he gets angry and says "cant a person have a private moment". I totally get him doing it, not against it at all but he gets so mad if its brought up, as if Im fussing at him for doing it and all I do is tell him I dont care until it affects our sex life.
2) He is screwing someone else or wants to be. (again he swears he is done with the OW and I honestly dont have any proof that he isnt)
3) He has a medical condition, be it testosterone or depression (he is very negative and down about everything in life in the last 3 years...he always sees the glass as half empty.)
4) He isnt attracted to me. (The last time I said something about him masturbating was about 3 months ago....he got very angry and said he didnt want to have sex with me, he wasnt attracted to me. Hearing him say it totally broke my heart but that night he wanted to have sex with me...go figure).
I dont even ask for sex anymore because I dont want to feel rejected and I dont want him to feel pressured if it doesnt happen.
Is it normal to be able to ejaculate when it appears to me he isnt even turned on. The first couple of times it happened I was shocked because I didnt think he was even aroused and then BAM! I told him I wasnt expecting it because he wasnt hard and he said it still felt good.
We do have sex occassionally, it was about once a week but in the last couple of months we sometimes go two weeks but it always has to be on his terms or it doesnt work?!
Any ideas, suggestions? Its hard not to take it personal! (no pun intended)