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I was wondering how many of you have compatible lifestyles with your partner, and to the extent you don't has that been a problem?

I'm extremely athletic. I've been running for 31 years and am still clearing 35-50 miles per week. I like to race, and in my mid 40's am still known to win the women's overall in a race here and there. Women, including younger women, have approached me for advice.

I also ride bikes and am known to hang with the 23 mph and up guys. I have a 3rd degree black belt and try to lift some weights at least once a week.

I truly do not intend to pat my own back here, only to pain a picture of my lifestyle.

My current partner rides bikes with me and is also health conscious. He's not as gung ho as me but few people are. That's ok because I feel like our lifestyles are compatible. As he's a type 1 diabetic he has different dietary restrictions, but he's quite disciplined. And he lifts....he's a big guy.

I feel like someone who wasn't health conscious wouldn't be s good fit for me, and I know I wouldn't respect it


So what say you? Has this been am issue in your relationship?

On a side note bf has lost a bit of weight since he met me and is getting compliments on how good he looks. There's nothing like a woman in a guy's life to motivate him...especially if she's a crazy redhead :)

But seriously, I think we're just good influences in each other.
 

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Mrs. Conan and I are definitely compatible when it comes to health and exercise. She is by far the harder worker when it comes to physical exertion and determination while I get by on average work combined with what my momma gave me. I refer to them as "brick" genes. I barely look at weights, bikes or other exercise gear and muscles jump out of me.

She is also far more disciplined and educated about diet.

We are different in other areas but our core values and beliefs are the same.

I do hold to the concept of the couple that plays together stays together.

I know some couples that work that don't share many interests but I'm glad Mrs. Conan likes to get physical with me.

I would still hike, bike and workout by myself but it adds something to us when she is with me.

Mrs. Conan is also somewhat terrifying and awesome to watch when she gets in the zone.

I will not ever try to do her routine with her because it would give me a heart attack!

Even at 60 she can still kick my ass with her routines!馃榿
 

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This subject is interesting to think about in the context of my former 35-year marriage/relationship. In the beginning we were both very active athletes. When we met (in university) I was on a Division I college baseball team (grueling workout requirements) and an avid windsurfer; my Ex was a bicycle racer (with a local sponsor) and, an avid rock and ice climber in the off-season (he could do pull-ups anchored by his fingertips :eek:). I taught him how to windsurf and he taught me how to climb, it was loads of fun and most of our trips together involved our sport endeavors.

After college, in the working world (both engineers), I continued in baseball (MiLB) and started running and he continued as a bicycle racer (new sponsor because we moved east to west coast), we both still windsurfed regularly and had started to go on extended backpacking trips for vacation. And then, we got married, and things were good for about 2 years.

Two things happened, I stopped the baseball because my right-shoulder couldn鈥檛 take pitching any longer and he stopped bicycling because of chronic back pain. It was tough giving up baseball (my first love) however I found a good PT and switched to other forms of sport 鈥 long distance running and, I continued weight-lifting and windsurfing (as usual). My Ex refused to do anything about his back, however he continued to windsurf for a couple of years and then quit doing everything except for working and some other (sedentary) hobbies. He also stopped having sex with me (we鈥檇 go 18-month intervals often) and we just sort of slowly deteriorated from there. I tried many things to remedy the situation however I won鈥檛 go into that here. We divorced eventually and I do think that his change of life-style contributed to our demise.

Today (at 63 years old) I do cross-fit, HIIT routines and weight-lift six days per week. I cannot imagine not being physically active, it鈥檚 a life-long habit at this point. I don鈥檛 think I would find compatibility with a non-physically-active person, not because of fitness levels or weight but more because my activity level would probably drive them nuts. And yes, my friends think I am slightly nuts. :p
 

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I would say that differences in that area, and in general as well, have definitely caused issues for us. Having little to nothing in common can work for some couples, but I think it comes down to what each person is looking for in a relationship (if they NEED to do those things together or not) and attitudes.

My wife used to be very into outdoorsy stuff and staying active daily. Running, rock climbing, hiking, paddleboarding, kayaking, some wake surfing/wakeboarding/water skiing when I took the boat out, and she was in the gym frequently.

I have zero interest in most of that stuff and will not do it - if I do I'm not fun to be around and my participation is very short-lived.

I'm not anywhere close to as active as she used to be and my interests fall more into golf, driving range, hockey, baseball, all stuff that my wife isn't into at all. She is the opposite of me and while she isn't into the things I am, she would love to do them with me just to spend time with me. She can have a blast sucking, laughing at herself, and just having fun with me. For me, I cannot stand playing with anyone who sucks, doesn't pick it up as quickly as I think they should, or doesn't put in the effort to learn proper techniques. My wife falls into that category and it annoys the hell out of me, so I don't let her tag along. On top of that, I like and need a lot of alone/friend time. My wife is the opposite and wants to be glued to my hip.

She spent years trying to get me to do things with her, and eventually found two other someones who would. So yeah, I'd say it caused problems since both of her AP's were gym rats who liked to wander through forests and climb walls to nowhere. Having no shared interests to actually do together, having different needs/wants, and my attitude, yeah it's not ideal but I know it works for some couples. Attitude matters. There is a difference between:

"I do not share your interests and do not wish to pursue them personally, but I support your involvement in them because I want you to be happy" and "I do not care for your interests, I think they are stupid, and I will not support you doing them". I tend to lean towards the latter, which is partly why my wife "used to be" into her activities. That wouldn't fly for most people.
 

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I would say that differences in that area, and in general as well, have definitely caused issues for us. Having little to nothing in common can work for some couples, but I think it comes down to what each person is looking for in a relationship (if they NEED to do those things together or not) and attitudes.

My wife used to be very into outdoorsy stuff and staying active daily. Running, rock climbing, hiking, paddleboarding, kayaking, some wake surfing/wakeboarding/water skiing when I took the boat out, and she was in the gym frequently.

I have zero interest in most of that stuff and will not do it - if I do I'm not fun to be around and my participation is very short-lived.

I'm not anywhere close to as active as she used to be and my interests fall more into golf, driving range, hockey, baseball, all stuff that my wife isn't into at all. She is the opposite of me and while she isn't into the things I am, she would love to do them with me just to spend time with me. She can have a blast sucking, laughing at herself, and just having fun with me. For me, I cannot stand playing with anyone who sucks, doesn't pick it up as quickly as I think they should, or doesn't put in the effort to learn proper techniques. My wife falls into that category and it annoys the hell out of me, so I don't let her tag along. On top of that, I like and need a lot of alone/friend time. My wife is the opposite and wants to be glued to my hip.

She spent years trying to get me to do things with her, and eventually found two other someones who would. So yeah, I'd say it caused problems since both of her AP's were gym rats who liked to wander through forests and climb walls to nowhere. Having no shared interests to actually do together, having different needs/wants, and my attitude, yeah it's not ideal but I know it works for some couples. Attitude matters. There is a difference between:

"I do not share your interests and do not wish to pursue them personally, but I support your involvement in them because I want you to be happy" and "I do not care for your interests, I think they are stupid, and I will not support you doing them". I tend to lean towards the latter, which is partly why my wife "used to be" into her activities. That wouldn't fly for most people.
That's rough. I obviously don't agree with her choice to cheat but your demeanor towards her would have definitely distanced me if Mrs. Conan had it.

Paints a fuller picture and I appreciate it.
 

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We met through music - and both have a strong need for music in our lives. This is something that has remained. We met young; with common interest in the genre of music that brought us together, and then 'educated' one another to different artists and styles from there. Back in the day, he introduced me to the likes of Curtis Mayfield, Gill Scott Heron, hip-hop, and broadened my love of funk. I introduced him to his first concert experience which was James Brown. These days he listens to more folk and borderline country music that he shares with me along with appreciation for lyrical content. Meanwhile, I share different rock, pop, and sometimes classical with him. We don't always dig each others choices, but the sharing of music is connecting. We also enjoy discovering music venues together and going to gigs. I couldn't imagine partnering with someone where music was not integral to their well-being!

Beyond that, we share similar values, life views, political stance. As well as enjoying the same comedians, and for the most part, similar TV shows and movies. Travel, and the approach to discovering new places, is something we also enjoy together.

For a time, I encouraged us to go to the gym together. It took me a while to accept and realize that's just not his bag. He's not interested. But when I was doing weights and going regularly to the gym, he was supportive of me. And he's great at cooking, while that's just not my bag! His fitness mostly comes from yard-work and volunteering. He has his own interests there, while I am pursuing study, which in a sense, is my own interest. When I first started the study, I was reading my essays to him before submitting, to gain his view, and because I lacked confidence. He said early on though, that it was a bit dry and academic for him. I realized that with years of study ahead, it was an unrealistic ask. So I stopped reviewing my work with him, to find that I could do this off my own back regardless, and then apply tutor feedback for future submissions. What is cool though, is when he asks about the topics I'm covering and what I'm working on, as both support and interest, to discuss in normal language - rather than the written academic style. While he doesn't have formal study under his belt, he is well-read, and knowledgeable on most topics to share in good and, sometimes lively, discussion.
 

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@Emerging Buddhist and I have a compatible lifestyle in that we are both in IT in education for a living, we both believe in spirituality, and we both get the majority of our exercise through walking and playing together...and I mean playing. We take our daily walk and talk to each other about our day, but a lot of our "fun" is doing things like sledding, hiking, ziplining...you know, goofing around! We pick a spot and just climb. We see a waterfall and hike to it. Neither one of us plays a specific sport, and I always tease that I train for the local "5k" season (I sign up for every one ane walk it...and now he comes with me). Hey--I get cool t-shirts out of it! :p. EB is the cook in our relationship, and he's purely a genius: all fresh food, homemade, very low sugar, and this way he knows WHAT we eat and how much!

So yeah, we don't pump iron or go to the gym. We play.
 

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I think AC and I agree that our kind of play is more like Calvinball (Calvin and Hobbes... or is it Calvinette?) and the code is more like guidelines as we adventure about. We just click in so many ways that we totally like each other at the same time as loving another. We love the feeling of being close no matter what we are doing and riding the the go-fast Beemer will always get a good kind of squeal on the downshift out of her as she holds me tight.

We talk and share... a lot, it is an important connection we have that is great fun as we walk and hold hands.

And laugh!!!

We share a lot of those...
 

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Interesting thread. My wife and I couldn't be more different in terms of approach to physical exercise and staying in shape in general. No pain/no gain, that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger, that's pretty much me. My wife would be in the no pain/no pain category. Somehow that hasn't been the issue one might think it would be. My idea of a good time is a 100+ mile bike ride.

One of my customers is a woman in her 70s who remains fiercely competitive. She mentioned that her ex-husband said she was the most competitive woman he ever knew. She got angry with that, taking exception to the "woman" qualifier. :)
 

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We met through music - and both have a strong need for music in our lives. This is something that has remained. We met young; with common interest in the genre of music that brought us together, and then 'educated' one another to different artists and styles from there. Back in the day, he introduced me to the likes of Curtis Mayfield, Gill Scott Heron, hip-hop, and broadened my love of funk. I introduced him to his first concert experience which was James Brown. These days he listens to more folk and borderline country music that he shares with me along with appreciation for lyrical content. Meanwhile, I share different rock, pop, and sometimes classical with him. We don't always dig each others choices, but the sharing of music is connecting. We also enjoy discovering music venues together and going to gigs. I couldn't imagine partnering with someone where music was not integral to their well-being!

Beyond that, we share similar values, life views, political stance. As well as enjoying the same comedians, and for the most part, similar TV shows and movies. Travel, and the approach to discovering new places, is something we also enjoy together.

For a time, I encouraged us to go to the gym together. It took me a while to accept and realize that's just not his bag. He's not interested. But when I was doing weights and going regularly to the gym, he was supportive of me. And he's great at cooking, while that's just not my bag! His fitness mostly comes from yard-work and volunteering. He has his own interests there, while I am pursuing study, which in a sense, is my own interest. When I first started the study, I was reading my essays to him before submitting, to gain his view, and because I lacked confidence. He said early on though, that it was a bit dry and academic for him. I realized that with years of study ahead, it was an unrealistic ask. So I stopped reviewing my work with him, to find that I could do this off my own back regardless, and then apply tutor feedback for future submissions. What is cool though, is when he asks about the topics I'm covering and what I'm working on, as both support and interest, to discuss in normal language - rather than the written academic style. While he doesn't have formal study under his belt, he is well-read, and knowledgeable on most topics to share in good and, sometimes lively, discussion.
I used to play semi professional french horn....did symphony work for a while.

I actually have two degrees....physics and music education.

I don't play much anymore but still have my horn and can belt out some tunes.
 

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I actually have two degrees....physics and music education.
Oh, wow ... can I pick your brain? Please, please??? I watch a lot of physics-related stuff on Science Channel. Honestly, I understand just a tiny bit, but I'm completely fascinated. My late husband was an engineer, and I loved to have him discuss weight bearing materials and why structures need to be built in specific ways. Perhaps dry sounding to many, but I love hearing about that type of stuff.

I don't want to thread jack, but could I PM you with some questions?
 

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Oh, wow ... can I pick your brain? Please, please??? I watch a lot of physics-related stuff on Science Channel. Honestly, I understand just a tiny bit, but I'm completely fascinated. My late husband was an engineer, and I loved to have him discuss weight bearing materials and why structures need to be built in specific ways. Perhaps dry sounding to many, but I love hearing about that type of stuff.

I don't want to thread jack, but could I PM you with some questions?
Sure. I can't promise anything but I will do my best!
 

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When I was young I was waiting for a woman who had the hobbies I did and never found her, partly b/c my hobbies then were less popular w/ women.

Later I found a woman whose approach to life was the same as mine and I married her, even though our hobbies are very different. Her hobbies are less popular w/ men.

It couldn't have worked out better.
 

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I used to play semi professional french horn....did symphony work for a while.

I actually have two degrees....physics and music education.

I don't play much anymore but still have my horn and can belt out some tunes.
Fit, musical, has her isht together, and a red head?... what a catch! :)
 

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We go against this grain. Outdoors and working out is definitley not the glue that holds us together.

I was a division 1 scholarship athlete in college. Spent a lot of my life outdoors and am a workout fanatic to this day. She isn't. Used to swim, but doesn't do much anymore. Doesn't like the outdoors like I do.

Yet here we are 7 years later still married, still in love.

Who can tell?
 

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I feel like someone who wasn't into music, wouldn't be a good fit for me!
Unfortunately my wife isn't much into music, and the music she does like doesn't do much for me (and vice-versa).
However, this doesn't cause us much trouble. About the only time it comes up at all is on long car trips where we want to listen to music on the radio. And then we can usually find an oldies station or the like that both of us are okay with.
 

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Music is one of my hobbies. I play banjo and dabble with guitar and bass. I've never had a lesson and it sounds like it. I don't have the natural aptitude for it, but I love it anyway--my progress is just slow. My wife is more of a Maroon 5 gal and doesn't have an acute appreciation of clawhammer banjo technique, so I keep a dishtowel stuffed in the the back of my banjo to mute it. She's never even seen Deliverance, just has an instinctual dislike of the instrument. Oh well.
 

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Fit, musical, has her isht together, and a red head?... what a catch! :)
That's a nice thing to say :)

Ironically both of my ex hb's found me very intimidating and it definitely damaged both marriages.

Its been my goal this time around to find a guy that isn't bothered by what I do, and the one I currently have even seems to like it. He'll ask me to show his family and friends my muscles.....which granted aren't that big but are well defined. But he's a big strong guy so he doesn't find that intimidating.

He's an old metal head but has taken my to the symphony a couple of times....it's new to him but he's open minded. We actually saw a live performance of The Empire Strikes Back with the movie playing and the symphony playing the soundtrack live.

He loved it!

And just to show that I reciprocate I saw KISS with him :)
 
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