Also how come when a man brings up something from the past it's an example but when the wife brings up something from the past it's dredging up s***?
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Women have 4x the amount of brain power devoted to remembering events that were emotional to them. When women recall emotional events, they start experiencing the emotions they are recalling. Men do this too, but not nearly as strongly as women do.
When a man brings up something from the past, it is generally considered an "example" because he is looking at it objectively. This certainly isn't always the case, but in general, he's not remembering anger and therefore getting angry about it.
When a woman brings something up from the past, it is "dredging up s***" because they are much more likely to re-experience what they were feeling at that time. So if you are bringing up a memory that was linked with a strong anger or frustration, you are much more likely to start getting angry or frustrated.
There's a reason for the saying "Men forget but never forgive; women forgive but never forget". A man is much less likely to even remember a wrong done, and if recalled he is more likely to see it as a third party. Women may never forget a wrong done, but they try their best to get over it.
You should bring up examples in arguments, but try to not get emotionally invested in the memory. And yes, it is a double standard.
Sources:
The Male Brain by Louann Brizedine, M.D.
The Female Brain by Louann Brizedine, M.D.
