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I have been married since 2005 we have 2 kids. My husband is an only child I am saying this because then it will be understood why I feel he is selfish. We moved into our new house in 2006, the note is rather high! but he said we could handle it. Every since we have been in this house I have taken care of most of the note and the bare neccessities (light, gas, phone grocieries etc...). It has been very hard. With that being said I was placed on disability for an eye condition called iritis, during this time, my pay was cut in half, he had the opportunity to work some extra hours and would not, he would only work if it was going to benefit him (ie he was going out with his buddies for the weekend), fast forward to this month Oct. for 2 weeks he did not contribute anything, he was in a wedding and needed to purchase the suit, the shoes etc... So he made enough money for that, not once ever thinking about this household. I told him that I needed an additional $400 for the house payment this month and he sighed!!! I told him I have to get the money not him and he went on about his business. I am at my wits end, I cannot talk to him, he told me that I need to talk to someone (therapist), I know what my problem is, it's him!. I am not a selfish person at all, my entire marriage has been about me giving to him, and making him happy and helping my family, his part of the marriage has been semi about me and mostly taking care of himself. This is awful and I am ready to end this. He makes me sick, I did not sign up for this, I HATE him at this point, because he is so selfish and so self absorbed. The sad thing is that when the doors of the church opened and my dad was getting ready to walk me down the aisle, I was telling my father I can't do this and I did anyway and 2 years later this is where I'm at. If there are any suggestions please let me know.

Thanks for your time.
 

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Well first I don't think your only problem is him. I would say you do NOT need a therapist. He needs to grow up because he is selfish. He needs to bite the bullet. You are in no shape to do extra and he is. If he isn't willing to do it I'd put the house up for sale and when he asks why say an apartment would be cheaper and you can't pay the bills unless he chips in more.

draconis
 

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SAGE - I am so sorry that your husband, the love of your heart, is being so SELFISH and yet it does not surprise me...... for even my husband will tell people that MEN are very SELFISH in NATURE and if allowed to get away with it they will.

..... how good are YOU at putting your foot down?
 

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I have been married for over 30 years, and I am the first to say that men are selfish. But communication is very important in a marriage. You have to talk and let him know that there are somethings that he has to deal with and not always think of himself.
 

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I hate to disagree with you Draconis, but most men are selfish. If there is something they want they make sure they get it. The same doesn't go if it is for their mate. At least mine did not put forth the same effort or determination.
 

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This is awful and I am ready to end this. He makes me sick, I did not sign up for this, I HATE him at this point, because he is so selfish and so self absorbed.
I am interested in why you've put up with this for so long. If you were having second thoughts at the wedding...why did you go on to have two children with him?

I do think counseling does sound like a good idea--to help you start to assert yourself, get your needs met in this marriage and tackle the issue of why you were willing to partner with a man that obviously cares more about what his wants/needs than yours.

Also, I disagree that men are naturally more selfish. I don't think there is anything genetic about being selfish, nor do I think it is something linked to birth order or amount of siblings in a house. I think it is a cross between upbringing and learned behavior. If a child, male or female, is raised to think that someone else will do all the work for them--the result is obvious.
 

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Honestly, it sounds like that you need to talk someone about this because it is eating away at you. I can only imagine the amount of stress that you are under if you are the only responsible partner in your marriage.

I might have a short term solution for you. Is there anyway to have separate accounts for him and you? Take a percentage of his paycheck to be direct deposited in a account for bills (your account) and let his account be for his "fun" activities. That way if you take a percentage every week or how ever often he gets paid then you should be able to pay the bills.

The previous posters are correct about your husband being immature and needs to grow up, but I disagree about all men being selfish. Selfishness can influenced by environment and how you are brought up, along with your personality...... I have another idea. Can he take over paying the bills? It took my husband taking over the bills to realize how much money it takes to run our household. He really did not get it until he paid the bills. Would your husband follow through or would he just not pay the bills?

Good luck!
 
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