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I'm a 20 year old guy. Ya ya I know we suck at communicating. Anyway, I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we're in love, everything is great except my lack of communication. I'm not open enough with my feelings and I find it hard to apologize. I only apologize when I mean it, and it is rare. I know she needs it, but I can never do it unless I really mean it. I find it hard to give her what she needs while staying true to myself. Most of you would call it an ego, but I don't wanna lie to myself. I don't get angry when shes upset while I don't agree that I did anything wrong, I always try to talk about perception, but she just needs a hug and an apology. I try and I try and I try and I can't figure out how to do the right thing because the deciding factory is always staying true to myself. Is hypnosis the only cure? I feel better after writing this, but now I just feel guilty for feeling good because I didn't fix the problem yet.
 

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It would probably be easier to respond if you could give an example of what upsets her that you don't feel warrants an apology. My first thought when reading this is that somehow she is feeling hurt and you don't see a reason that she should in that case. I would think she is looking for you to acknowledge her feelings, maybe "I'm sorry you are feeling bad, I don't like to see you upset" where you aren't necessarily apologizing for something you don't agree with, but letting her know you care about her feelings.
 

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. I would think she is looking for you to acknowledge her feelings,
I agree...Just because you can't apologize doesn't mean much unless you are being an ass and she calls you on it. I mean no offense there, it's just wording...

Now if it is as simple as swedish pointed out then yeah you should be compromising on this. If she just needs a little pick me up "hey hunny I am sorry you had a bad day" or "hey hunny I'm sorry you took what I said wrong"...etc etc...

But on another note, ego is one of the main killers of relationships(man or woman)...and there is nothing wrong with allowing that relationship to humble you.
 

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True communication in a relationship is so much more then you seem to assume it to be.


Communication~ An Open line of communication can build a great relationship, keep it moving or repair it when there is damage to it. In my view there is nothing more important then being able to talk to your partner about every thing. By communicating I know my wife what she wants and what she expects. The lack of communication almost lost a great thing. The ability to communicate not only saved it but strengthened us.

A.) Listen~ A part of communication has to be the ability to listen. No one wants to spill their heart out if the other person isn’t listening or just paying lip service.

1.) Boundaries~ Listen to what your partner thinks as far as limits. Is hugging okay, how about dancing with someone else? Knowing where your boundaries are can keep you from having to repair a relationship.

B.) Acceptance~ You have to be able to accept what you are being told from your partner. Saying you do doesn’t help if you can’t or refuse to use the information.

C.) Sharing~ You must be willing to share the good and the bad of the day or even your dreams to communicate well.

D.) Conflict Resolution~ Use communication to solve your problems. Most arguments are not because people disagree but rather they can’t or will not compromise or they can’t understand what the other wants. Arguing is the worst form of talking because things not meant to be said are out of anger and most arguments would not happen if there was good communication.

draconis
 
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