[lsunshine]

Hey, is it just me or do you find it frustrating having difficulty communicating in your relationship while not wanting to go to a relationship counselor?

What do you guys do?

 

[bahbahsheep]

is it beacuse a fear of how he/she reacts if you were honest about how your felt the relationship is going?

Relationships are a tricky one so even till now I have not seriously considered marriage.

Too much egos in relationships - no one wants to comprimise is the no.1 terminal disease in relationships / marriage

 

[Clark G]

Communication is always a big area of concern - no matter how well you get along or have in common. You come from different upbringings and your values and rules may be different.

This was the downfall in my marriage - we didn't understand each other on a few very funamental levels due to how we viewed things.

I was too stubborn to get help. Once I read the 5 love languages among other books it became pretty clear where I went wrong.

To make the relationship work - yes egos, fear, and pride have to be set aside at times.

The one thing I always hated and it didn't seem to help the conversation was the "i'm just telling you how i feel" crap.

Joe

 

[xirokx]

communication is key...

all i did was communicate and all she did was sweep under the carpet...

she would only communicate to let me know what I hadnt done or that I wasnt doing whatever right...

Despite highlighting this to her on several occassions she refused to change...

In the end she found someone else...

 

[Mavash.]

We went the counselor route. Neither of us knew how to communicate and all our attempts at it failed miserably.

We communicate just fine now.

 

[In the Rough]

So frustrating! DH and I had awful communication. We did go to counseling a few years ago and it helped but we still have to work at it to have a productive conversation.

It’s easy to get lazy in this area. It’s easier not to have difficult conversations; wording things properly and still getting the point across, really listening. But to make things work you just have to suck it up and do it. It's so worth it in the end! There are plenty of books and workbooks on this subject if you’re against counseling.

 

[IrishGirlVA]

Unfortantely, in my case, I moved out. We had two different ways of communicating which turned into frustration which turned into arguements which turned into him walking out of the house for hours (if not an entire night) and leaving me to fend for myself. He said he was interested in counseling but he just never found the time. *sigh* But if counseling is not an option for whatever reason, pick up a couple self-help books. I recommend Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. It's an oldie but goody.

 

[lsunshine]

Thank you all for your responses! I hear what you guys are saying about setting down the ego and paying attention to wording and really listening.

I think our arguments a lot of times come from him feeling attacked by what I'm saying when I don't mean to be attacking at all. For instance yesterday he brought up an idea for us to try instead of what we have been doing, and I actually did think it was a good idea. My thought process went: it's a good idea so let's make sure we take everything into consideration so that it ends up really working well. I started questioning him, and he ended up feeling attacked and shut off. We talked through it in the end, but stuff like that is so frustrating when that's NOT how I want to be spending my time with him.

I'm thinking the next thing something like that comes up that I'll stop my initial response when he brings up an idea, and remind myself to immediately tell him I think it's a great idea. Then when I ask my questions (which I think are important to understanding the full picture) hopefully he'll feel like I'm on his side.