[Keynes]

Hello people,

Mine maybe is similar to a thousand stories you may have heard read, but I'm so desperate I'll tell it anyway.

I have been married for two years and since the first day, I noticed that communication problems would be constant, but thought that I'd be able to manage and not fall for them. My wife has never been the "attentive" "caring" type,the one who is really worried about how your day has been,or about your being happy at any given situation; she has never taken interest in any of my activities, unless it meant a change that would affect her comfort. As I mentioned, I was aware of that, and tried to (very tactfully, I assure) talk to her about that, and about how it affected me. In the beginning, she showed some worry at the prospect of losing me, and made a real effort to "change" and be more caring". Well, it turns out that it hasn't been so anymore, and that she has become a real nag about every little thing in her/our life. We can't have a conversation about my day at my job without her being sarcastic or suspicious at the most ridiculous things (btw conversation started by me), I can't say anything lightly critical when she's driving for instance, without her being instantly enraged at my comments. In short, she has no patience and good will towards me.

Well, as I said, I have been trying to be flexible in many ways -swapped carres so I could have a better perspective, have really upped our living standards, to please her, have helped her go back to college and do wjat she likes..... I have tried to do my best, and forgot to take mylself into consideration in the process..... however, I grew tired.... exhausted.... I can't stand not being loved and minimally cared for anymore..... But I also would like to hear someone..... and maybe come across an idea.... I don't know.... I just need some help.... anything.

Sorry for the long post!

K.

 

[moocow]

Dear Clueless...

Alot of the words you use such as "Has never been" and "From day one" give me the impression that you knew these things about her before you married her. You chose to marry her anyway, inspite of her considerable flaws.

She is obviously incredibly insecure. If you know that she is going to be highly offended at what you consider to be "lightly critical" then just don't say it. Sometimes you need to pick your battles and think ahead. Is your comment really important enough to cause a secondary argument?

Are you affectionate towards her? Are you wanting her to be affectionate first and just sitting back and waiting for it to come to you?

Woman don't look at things like cars and houses and fancy life styles as something that needs to be rewarded with affection. Those things are material and part of life and don't replace anything emotional that you could give her.

If you took away all those material things, and had nothing but a box to live in, would you still be comfortable living in your box together?

My husband is under the very misguided impression that because he provides for his family, he is automatically entitled to something from me, no matter how much of an ******* he is. I too provide for my family and often bring more money to the table than he does. The difference is, I don't expect anything in return for those things.

Don't get me wrong, financial stability is very important, but it isn't a substitute for emotional stability.