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5 Posts
My first post here, although have read a lot of posts...
A few months ago I found my husband was in an EA with another woman. She was "just a friend" but had been very unhappy, was getting divorced, was diagnosed with a mental illness and tried to commit suicide. They met last year and started chatting, then flirting a bit and then her world fell apart. He says he tried to help her, she was so unhappy, had no one in her life etc etc.
He says he had no sexual feelings or interest in her what so ever (and I believe him) but felt sorry for her because she had no one, an abusive family etc. Initially he was flattered by her attention (and I wasn't giving it to him at the time, something we have worked on) and it was a good ego boost. Then her world fell apart and he was her "agony aunt" and they would spend HOURS on the phone to each other, in which he said she would just go on and on about her problems, and she would text him, 100's of time a day. She started to get more sexual towards him, sending him songs about love, telling him she wanted to make love to him etc, although he never reciprocated.
I found out after being suspicious about the amount of time he was on his phone and freaked. He stopped contact with her, and a few days later she phoned him hysterical with a whole story about this and that. He told her that this was f.... up his marriage, was too intense and he couldn't do it anymore. She cried and hysterically told him that she didn't want to be the reason for a marriage to break up, but she had no one else in her life, her therapist had told her she was destined to be alone etc etc. He finally hung up the phone, sent her a text saying that this was not a friendship, it was too intense and that he wouldn't contact her again.
He has been completely true to his word, despite her trying NUMEROUS times to contact him, both in person, via text, social media and through a third party. When he did see her in person he told her to "go away, I have nothing to say to you". The second time we were all at the same place, we both ignored her completely and though she made no attempt to talk to either of us, she did make sure she was in the same "vicinity" as I was.
In the last few months he has bent over backwards to make it up to me, for us to get closer, we have worked on the bad parts of our marriage, why he was unhappy, why I was unhappy and our relationship is good, in a good place and we are so open, talk to each other about anything. He has numerous times told me how stupid he feels, how embarrassed he is, that he didn't realize what an EA even was, how his greatest regret is talking to her in the first place. He says he has learned so much - and tries so hard.
All I want, is to put this behind me, and move on.
But I can't stop obsessing over the OW. I check her FB status, think about her, make up conversations we might have, haven't had. All sorts of really stupid things. I even try to come up with ways to be in the same place as her so I can see how she is doing, although never act on these. I'm embarrassed to even admit it.
How do I get closure, make her a non-entity in my life, totally unimportant and not care anything about her?
A few months ago I found my husband was in an EA with another woman. She was "just a friend" but had been very unhappy, was getting divorced, was diagnosed with a mental illness and tried to commit suicide. They met last year and started chatting, then flirting a bit and then her world fell apart. He says he tried to help her, she was so unhappy, had no one in her life etc etc.
He says he had no sexual feelings or interest in her what so ever (and I believe him) but felt sorry for her because she had no one, an abusive family etc. Initially he was flattered by her attention (and I wasn't giving it to him at the time, something we have worked on) and it was a good ego boost. Then her world fell apart and he was her "agony aunt" and they would spend HOURS on the phone to each other, in which he said she would just go on and on about her problems, and she would text him, 100's of time a day. She started to get more sexual towards him, sending him songs about love, telling him she wanted to make love to him etc, although he never reciprocated.
I found out after being suspicious about the amount of time he was on his phone and freaked. He stopped contact with her, and a few days later she phoned him hysterical with a whole story about this and that. He told her that this was f.... up his marriage, was too intense and he couldn't do it anymore. She cried and hysterically told him that she didn't want to be the reason for a marriage to break up, but she had no one else in her life, her therapist had told her she was destined to be alone etc etc. He finally hung up the phone, sent her a text saying that this was not a friendship, it was too intense and that he wouldn't contact her again.
He has been completely true to his word, despite her trying NUMEROUS times to contact him, both in person, via text, social media and through a third party. When he did see her in person he told her to "go away, I have nothing to say to you". The second time we were all at the same place, we both ignored her completely and though she made no attempt to talk to either of us, she did make sure she was in the same "vicinity" as I was.
In the last few months he has bent over backwards to make it up to me, for us to get closer, we have worked on the bad parts of our marriage, why he was unhappy, why I was unhappy and our relationship is good, in a good place and we are so open, talk to each other about anything. He has numerous times told me how stupid he feels, how embarrassed he is, that he didn't realize what an EA even was, how his greatest regret is talking to her in the first place. He says he has learned so much - and tries so hard.
All I want, is to put this behind me, and move on.
But I can't stop obsessing over the OW. I check her FB status, think about her, make up conversations we might have, haven't had. All sorts of really stupid things. I even try to come up with ways to be in the same place as her so I can see how she is doing, although never act on these. I'm embarrassed to even admit it.
How do I get closure, make her a non-entity in my life, totally unimportant and not care anything about her?