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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
H and I have been married for 43 years. Dh has been taking Clonazepam and Donnetal for over 25 years due to a car accident. I was talking an antidepressant for several years so I think we cancelled each other out as far as the sex drive issue. I admit that I wasn't always interested but, still, we always had great sex when we had it.I have quit taking the antidepressants but he still takes the Clonazepam.

We are both in our mid sixties, are in good shape, crazy about each other and the sex is good when we have it. The problem is that I want it more than he does. Sometimes I think he is a little lazy, sometimes he is tired and sometimes he has a back ache or stomach ache. Bottom line is that I don't get it as much as I would like. I would like it every 3-4 days. I have a difficult time without using a vibrator but he does everything else. We do PIV, anal (which I love but doesn't happen very often,) fingers, bj, hj. He says he is going to give me oral but it doesn't really last for more than 10 minutes, when it happens which is rarely. When we start having sex, if he doesn't O in the first 15 minutes, he may not have one at all which he says he doesn't mind. He just likes being close. Sometimes he loses his erection while we are having sex. Tonight, he told me to use the vibrator and when I came, he would make love to me. No foreplay to speak of. I told him to forget it, I could do that on my on time.

About a year ago, he started getting letters from and old girlfriend from 40 years ago. I actually helped him look her up on Facebook and expected a few emails but what ensued what a constant letter writing (from her) until he told her not to write to him anymore. It wasn't really inappropriate until she asked him to lunch ( from adjoining state ) and that's when i put my foot down, very hard. He agreed that she might be reading more into the letter writing than he was so he ended it. I honestly don't think she was up to anything but it still angered me and I felt threatened. It was mostly politics and about her life's problems.

Our sex life did improve after this imagined threat with my initiating often and becoming open to more varieties of sex. It hasn't stopped.

Can one problem be that I am always interested and so he loses interest? I have read of this in other posts.

It is late and I have to get up early but look forward to any imput on this subject.
 

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Has your sex drive always been higher than his?

I have to say from what you describe your sex life seems pretty good. So he sometimes has ED, but will take care of you using other methods. He isn't worried about not ejaculating all the time...so why are you worried about it?

It sounds like you intend to keep your sex life a banging one and you're willing to put the effort into it. He is willing also, but his interest lies more with making his wife happy.:smthumbup:

I'm not really seeing a problem here...:scratchhead:
 
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Sometimes I wish my wife would just use a vibe or masturbated up front to get it out of the way. It takes her a long time to O when I'm in the room, so I'm with your DH in saying sometimes the closeness is ok or enough. The pressure to be on the A game sometimes ruins intimacy.
Oh and you sound like my wife....wants more anal but, my wife never asks, so, I never know when its appropriate to go for it.
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the input. Maybe I just have to be a little more patient. It's hard to shut my mind down when I want sex. He says to just let him know but then I feel like I'm asking for it and its such a turn on to think he really, really wants you. We talk about it and then we have great sex so I should just stop complaining. So many of my age friends don't have ANY sex (60's).:rolleyes:
 

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Ask him to tell you specifically if there are things you can do to get him to come get some more often.

My husband laid out very specific things I could do, one of which was that he told me to be more assertive and less whiny.

I'm not saying you are whiny...but I am saying, you could likely figure out how to be more assertive. It took me a little while to really understand what he meant by it. Basically, I had to "take charge of getting my own needs met"...and while this might sound like becoming pushy or demanding, being assertive is totally different than that.

I wish I could explain better but it just took a lot of trial and error from me.

Bottom line is that my H does not feel "obligated" to "give me sex" just because I am horny. If I'm horny and I want to have sex with him, I'm going to have to use my feminine charm to entice him...in ways he has already specified that he likes. Because me deliberately enticing him is what makes him want to have sex with me when he wasn't already in the mood. Whining or pouting or wishing he would make the first move was a turnoff.

We have a good sex life and the frequency is good but I will forever be cursed with a huge sex drive, so I have had to get creative in "getting my needs met" the way he told me to do. It does work, though. Now that I get what he was trying to make me understand.
 
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