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I posed a question yesterday & have been getting a lot of very insightful responses, which leads to my next question (which is more for the ladies):

I am in my mid/late 20's, have been sexually active since I was 21, and have never orgasmed. And it's not like I haven't tried!!! Good lord, I've tried! I feel like I've tried the vast majority of popular vibrators & toys out there on the market, but none have done it for me. I have also only ever done any sexual act with my then boyfriend / now husband of 2 years.

I like sex well enough, but the penetration alone does nothing for me from an orgasm standpoint... not even doggie. (In fact, doggie kind of hurts... like he's poking me in the uterus and not in the g-spot. It's not painful but also not the most pleasant thing). When my husband tries to stimulate my clit, I freak out & squirm all around because it feels like I'm being tickled to death!!! Like, someone pinning me down and tickling my feet nonstop (which are VERY ticklish!) I don't stimulate my own clit with my fingers because physically I can't do it. You try tickling yourself! When I've used a vibrator, I've gotten the same reaction. It's like too much sensation & too much of that tickling feeling which I can't handle! Anyway, me squirming away from him is not exactly the sexiest thing in the world, so we usually just skip the foreplay & go straight to penetration so he can get off & fall asleep. Meanwhile, I lay there for hours still sexually unsatisfied & unable to fall asleep! (And that's another reason why our sex life has dwindled lately). Also, side note about foreplay: he LOVES to suck my breasts and focus on the nipple, which I HATE for the same reason: too much sensation. It's not exactly a tickle, but it's definitely not arousing! I'm not sure if that's somehow connected to my hyper-sensitive clit.

Also, I should note that I grew up in a very religious home where sex was something that should be only for marriage and anything other than that was a sin (including self-stimulation). I did't even touch myself until I met my husband... like, didn't even use a tampon because it involved touching my vagina!! I didn't start using a vibrator till I married my husband 2 years ago, simply because I wanted to finally orgasm already!! I feel like any mental block I had about sex and orgasming before should have gone away now that I'm married. I don't feel ashamed about sex or my body or my sexuality... in fact, quite the opposite. However, I still haven't been able to orgasm. :|

Anyway, I'm curious to see if anyone else out there has experienced an extreme tickling feeling with clitoral stimulation. I've searched the internet high & low for an answer, but haven't found one that matches my experience. I planned on asking my gyno about it next time I go for a check-up. Thanks for your input, ladies!
 

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I'm male, but I have some experience from my wife's reaction. She doesn't like a lot of direct clit stimulation, but finds large vibrators that stimulate a large areas including the clit (like a Hitachi wand) to work well - but only enjoys that with penetration. Oral will work if she is patient, but again wants penetration with fingers or a toy for it to work.

Do I understand that you have never had an orgasm, or just never with a partner?

Different women like different things, so its worth experimenting a lot. Also remember that your brain is a key part of the equation. When you have alone time, maybe read / watch erotica?

Once you know what works for you, you can let your husband know so he can please you.
 

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Do I understand that you have never had an orgasm, or just never with a partner?
I've only ever had 1 partner (my husband), but neither he nor I can make me orgasm. We've both tried countless times with a wide assortment of techniques, positions, & toys.
 

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Is there erotic material that you enjoy?

I've read that it is often better for women to try to learn to orgasm themselves before they do so with a partner to help reduce the stress. Also that when you are by yourself to try not to get goal oriented. Do what feels good, don't worry about an O.

If you haven't tried one, a hitachi wand does work for a lot of women.

I've only ever had 1 partner (my husband), but neither he nor I can make me orgasm. We've both tried countless times with a wide assortment of techniques, positions, & toys.
 

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Yes, I am overly sensitive as well... I find using firmer pressure does it for me whereas a softer lighter touch results in that horrid tickling. Same with oral ... I can't tolerate lazy flicks as they just make me squirm, but firm suction sends me over the moon!
 

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Man here (sorry!)

My ex wife had the same issue, but instead of being ticklish, it was more on the painful side. Highly sensitive, nonetheless. Over 14 years, nothing changed, unfortunately.

In any case, she discovered that indirect stimulation would result in orgasm, using a vibrator. If I recall, she didn't have anything large or overly powerful - just a simple cheap vibrator, and a small 'rocket' type one.

She could bring herself to orgasm using this on the outside of her labia, which she would press against her clit, therefore dulling the sensation and being indirect. She could only do this by herself. She did allow me to try (many times), but the lack of control and fear that I'd slip and touch it directly to her clit prevented her from enjoying it.

But oral sex was out, and PIV, although generally pleasurable, did nothing for her.

We discovered 2 or 3 years into the relationship that I could bring her to a gspot orgasm using fingers, however, so there was that.

I posed a question yesterday & have been getting a lot of very insightful responses, which leads to my next question (which is more for the ladies):

I am in my mid/late 20's, have been sexually active since I was 21, and have never orgasmed. And it's not like I haven't tried!!! Good lord, I've tried! I feel like I've tried the vast majority of popular vibrators & toys out there on the market, but none have done it for me. I have also only ever done any sexual act with my then boyfriend / now husband of 2 years.

I like sex well enough, but the penetration alone does nothing for me from an orgasm standpoint... not even doggie. (In fact, doggie kind of hurts... like he's poking me in the uterus and not in the g-spot. It's not painful but also not the most pleasant thing). When my husband tries to stimulate my clit, I freak out & squirm all around because it feels like I'm being tickled to death!!! Like, someone pinning me down and tickling my feet nonstop (which are VERY ticklish!) I don't stimulate my own clit with my fingers because physically I can't do it. You try tickling yourself! When I've used a vibrator, I've gotten the same reaction. It's like too much sensation & too much of that tickling feeling which I can't handle! Anyway, me squirming away from him is not exactly the sexiest thing in the world, so we usually just skip the foreplay & go straight to penetration so he can get off & fall asleep. Meanwhile, I lay there for hours still sexually unsatisfied & unable to fall asleep! (And that's another reason why our sex life has dwindled lately). Also, side note about foreplay: he LOVES to suck my breasts and focus on the nipple, which I HATE for the same reason: too much sensation. It's not exactly a tickle, but it's definitely not arousing! I'm not sure if that's somehow connected to my hyper-sensitive clit.

Also, I should note that I grew up in a very religious home where sex was something that should be only for marriage and anything other than that was a sin (including self-stimulation). I did't even touch myself until I met my husband... like, didn't even use a tampon because it involved touching my vagina!! I didn't start using a vibrator till I married my husband 2 years ago, simply because I wanted to finally orgasm already!! I feel like any mental block I had about sex and orgasming before should have gone away now that I'm married. I don't feel ashamed about sex or my body or my sexuality... in fact, quite the opposite. However, I still haven't been able to orgasm. :|

Anyway, I'm curious to see if anyone else out there has experienced an extreme tickling feeling with clitoral stimulation. I've searched the internet high & low for an answer, but haven't found one that matches my experience. I planned on asking my gyno about it next time I go for a check-up. Thanks for your input, ladies!
 

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I've only ever had 1 partner (my husband), but neither he nor I can make me orgasm. We've both tried countless times with a wide assortment of techniques, positions, & toys.
Here's the rub (yeah I said it)

Until you figure out how to orgasm, your husband will not meet with any success.

Couple things:
1) Talk to a therapist. They will need to undo the damage done by convincing you that sex was a sin(You put it very simply in your description, however, I would tend to believe that sex or talk of sex for you growing up was on the extremely negative side and has been brought into your marriage)
2) Sex therapist might be a good secondary help
3) you don't mention oral - have you tried that? I would hazard a guess that this might be something you can handle
4) Doggie - make sure your husband in doing the "up and over" stance(basically he is standing behind you when he enters riding high on your butt if that describes it well enough) .That will make his thrusts hit your G-Spot
5) Try the C.A.T. technique (missionary with man's legs on the outside of woman's)
 

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Here's the rub (yeah I said it)



Until you figure out how to orgasm, your husband will not meet with any success.



Couple things:

1) Talk to a therapist. They will need to undo the damage done by convincing you that sex was a sin(You put it very simply in your description, however, I would tend to believe that sex or talk of sex for you growing up was on the extremely negative side and has been brought into your marriage)

2) Sex therapist might be a good secondary help

3) you don't mention oral - have you tried that? I would hazard a guess that this might be something you can handle

)

Agree with this. Therapy helped eliminate the "Sex is dirty/evil." Our therapist was actually a minister as well as a licensed therapist. She said that attitudes like you and I were raised up with are "sadly common," and that "instead of being taught to respect and understand sex, many religious people are taught to fear it."

Oral is the key to my DW's orgasms. That doesn't necessarily mean it will be yours. There are numerous good books out there on the subject.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
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First off, never ever be ashamed of your sexuality as it is one of many Godly gifts that you have! You may need psychological or sexual counseling in combating and overcoming these "guilty thoughts" that were sadly and so erroneously ingrained into you!

In privacy, experiment on yourself, noting whatever it is that feels great or exhilarating to you. Once you've identified that, please convey it to your partner so they can lovingly try it out on you!

Always remember that sex is foremostly about deeply pleasing the one you love while seeking your own pleasure. And more than half of the pleasure is attained by fully knowing that you are lovingly pleasing your partner!

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Discussion Starter #11
3) you don't mention oral - have you tried that? I would hazard a guess that this might be something you can handle
He's done oral before, but honestly, it kind of sucked. (or more like, it didn't suck). Idk where he learned to give oral, but he just flicks his tongue really fast back and forth. Sometimes, I can hardly feel it and other times it's like a crazy intense tickle. He hasn't given be oral in over a year.

And I'm not sure what his stance is during doggie. That's the position we do most often because it makes him come fastest so we can get sex over with & cuddle & fall asleep.
Also, CAT is a good suggestion. Will experiment :laugh:
 

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Is there erotic material that you enjoy?
Honestly, I'm not a big fan of porn, either male or female. I feel really dirty when watching it & can't get past that feeling. I get turned on more by emotion + visual instead of just visual alone (as most women do, I'd assume).

I've used a hitachi in the past, but found that I still felt over-stimulated with it like I did with other vibrators. :( I don't know what else to try.
 

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Yes, I am overly sensitive as well... I find using firmer pressure does it for me whereas a softer lighter touch results in that horrid tickling. Same with oral ... I can't tolerate lazy flicks as they just make me squirm, but firm suction sends me over the moon!
This might be an odd question, but how long did you use firmer stimulation? My husband and I have tried that before, but it just feels like I'm getting a massage (i.e. not erotic but still soothing & enjoyable). However, it doesn't make me feel turned-on or aroused. Does that mean we weren't doing it firmly enough?!
Also, because I've never experienced an orgasm before, does it start off dull & then build up? Or do you know almost right away when you're on the path to an orgasm?
 

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I'm a guy, but....

With Mrs. Kinkster, she needs a more forceful attack. Too light with the fingers, or tongue, or a toy, and she finds it more annoying, and a tickle kind of thing like you do. I have to apply more & much pressure to 'get things done'.

I prescribe some intense (and forceful) experimentation!

Just a thought!

:grin2:
 

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This might be an odd question, but how long did you use firmer stimulation? My husband and I have tried that before, but it just feels like I'm getting a massage (i.e. not erotic but still soothing & enjoyable). However, it doesn't make me feel turned-on or aroused. Does that mean we weren't doing it firmly enough?!
Also, because I've never experienced an orgasm before, does it start off dull & then build up? Or do you know almost right away when you're on the path to an orgasm?
There are probably a few things at play... how long you apply pressure can vary based on how aroused you are to start with. Always make sure you are well lubricated as it can be painful if not. Sounds like you don't have that problem, but if you do then lube can help. Don't forget foreplay, and don't be ashamed to tell him what you like and don't like. Take his hand and move it where you want it... press on it so he knows the level of pressure that feels good. Encourage him to not just focus on one thing and getting you to O. That's not usually enough for me. I like when H talks to me, caresses me elsewhere at the same time, kisses my neck, breathes heavy into my hair... These signals show me he's turned on too and that makes me feel sexy, turns me on, and helps me to let go. If you're worried about telling him what feels good in the heat of the moment, encourage him with moans or other signals that he's on the right track. H knows how to get me to O really quickly now... but it takes me much longer on my own unless he participates in some way, such as during mutual masturbation or if he's helping with dirty talk.

Try not to worry about getting to O right away... focus on what feels good and relaxing. For me anyway, I cannot reach O alone or with H if I am stressed out or worried about getting there, or not getting there. The key if you have a mental block is to be able to relax and let go. It's not easy at first. Since my block was rooted in trauma, I had to reprogram myself to have different thoughts about the physical feelings of arousal. When I explored on my own I'd take a bubble bath first and make myself feel sexy by wearing something that made me feel good. Sometimes a glass of wine to loosen inhibitions. And then thinking about the things that arouse you and replacing negative thoughts that arise with new positive ones. Don't beat yourself up if you don't get there right away. Just stay focused on what feels good and staying relaxed.

For me approaching O is similar to stomach butterflies that slowly build, followed by a sensation of pressure similar to a full bladder but definitely pleasant... and then O itself a rush of pleasure. Hard to describe, but I think that is close.
 

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He's done oral before, but honestly, it kind of sucked. (or more like, it didn't suck). Idk where he learned to give oral, but he just flicks his tongue really fast back and forth. Sometimes, I can hardly feel it and other times it's like a crazy intense tickle. He hasn't given be oral in over a year.

And I'm not sure what his stance is during doggie. That's the position we do most often because it makes him come fastest so we can get sex over with & cuddle & fall asleep.
Also, CAT is a good suggestion. Will experiment :laugh:
There's a lot more to oral on a female than just that!

He needs to "establish residence" "down-there," taking it rather slow and methodically and staying until you either throw his horny a$$ off, or he's near a catatonic state of suffocation!

And if the "later," well all that I can say is, "what a wonderful way to "check out!"

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How about written erotica?

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of porn, either male or female. I feel really dirty when watching it & can't get past that feeling. I get turned on more by emotion + visual instead of just visual alone (as most women do, I'd assume).

I've used a hitachi in the past, but found that I still felt over-stimulated with it like I did with other vibrators. :( I don't know what else to try.
 

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I have a sensitive clit, too...from my earliest days, my "go to" position for masturbation was to lie on my stomach, and sort of mash the palm of my dominant hand into the mons...it stimulates me without getting into the insanely ticklish direct contact of the clit.

The others are right about you needing to be able to do this for yourself, first. Once you are able to orgasm on your own, you and your hubs can experiment with different styles of contact.

As an FYI, I grew up in a very sexually repressive home, so I totally "get" where you are coming from. Trust me, you can overcome all of your background and go on to have a deeply satisfying sexual relationship.
 
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