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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
been with fiance for about 6 years, so we have been through many "family functions" and christmas's together,

on christmas morning we are home alone (we dont have any kids),

on christmas afternoon we go to my parents to exchange gifts and have dinner, fiance is fine with this, my parents live about 1.5 hours away, so by the end of the night when we get home i am very exhausted,

because of certain other family issues my fiances family celebrates christmas on boxing day, so its us, her parents, neices and nephews, etc

the problem is, her family has a tradition that they spend the entire day and night together, i mean literally 7am till night time/after dinner,

last year we were not there till 8:00am and they were literally phoning us to find out how much longer we would be, because the kids want to open their gifts, and they feel like they should wait till we arrive,

first of all, i am EXHAUSTED from the previous day already, secondly, i DO NOT want to spend the entire day and night there, ITS TOO DAMN LONG!

i have reluctantly done this in previous years, but this year i feel like saying no, i will come over in the afternoon for dinner, just like my family does,

am i being unreasonable? or should i just stick it out to keep the peace in the family?

i try to put on a happy face all day, but in reality im wishing i was at home laying in bed or on the sofa,
 

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Yes you are being unreasonable. This is a family tradition on her side of the family and as such you are part of it. If you refuse to go you will do damage to your relationship with them and your fiance my resent you for it. My in-laws live 600 miles away. Each Christmas season we go back as a family or just as a couple. A day for travel, 2 or 3 days with family and a day to travel back. 25+ years. I do it because it is important to my wife. If it wasn't I could care less if we went. This is part of extending your family ties, go with the flow.
 

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Holidays are such a sticky topic.There has to be compromise and things have to be made as fair as possible.
How far away does her family live?
If they live close by,why can't you sleep in a bit while your fiance goes and appeases her family?You can arrive after you've had a chance to rest and decompress from spending the afternoon/evening with your family.

OR they can simply accept that you guys won't be there til later in the morning or early afternoon.

I'm not big on family gatherings during the holidays because I think it's bullsh*t.If you can't make time to see your family any other time except holidays then you shouldn't stress out your entire household bending over backward to adhere to the Christmas traditions of your parents.You're adults now,time to make your own traditions outside of what the 'rents are doing.

Traditions are great until they begin making people unhappy and stressed.Some families have such ridiculous traditions,such as "arrive at the crack of dawn and stay til the night" that it makes people dread what's supposed to be a happy time.It isn't right!

I think you and your fiance need to have a discussion about your options.

My view might be skewed since I'm not really into the whole family thing. Maybe someone who is more family oriented will have better ideas for you. Good luck! :)
 

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I agree with Amplexor. It is one day out of the year. You stick the your family tradition, so why should hers be any different? I think it would be disrespectful to refuse to do it. My parents used to live about 2 hours away. We would drive over on Christmas Eve, spend the night and whole day on Christmas day, spend the night again and come home early the next morning. I know that my husband didn't always look forward to it since he's a home body, but he did it for me, and I appreciate that.
 

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Holidays are such a sticky topic.There has to be compromise and things have to be made as fair as possible.
How far away does her family live?

I'm not big on family gatherings during the holidays because I think it's bullsh*t.
Traditions are great until they begin making people unhappy and stressed.Some families have such ridiculous traditions,such as "arrive at the crack of dawn and stay til the night" that it makes people dread what's supposed to be a happy time.It isn't right!

I think you and your fiance need to have a discussion about your options.

My view might be skewed since I'm not really into the whole family thing. Maybe someone who is more family oriented will have better ideas for you. Good luck! :)
God I love you Scarlet!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
How far away does her family live?
her family lives 10 mins away

If they live close by,why can't you sleep in a bit while your fiance goes and appeases her family?You can arrive after you've had a chance to rest and decompress from spending the afternoon/evening with your family.
that is my thinking too, just dont know how well it would go over
 

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I believe in compromise in situations like this, and believe it works both ways. Every generation has the right, IMO, to start their own traditions and I don't believe we should rigidly expect our adult children to continue to fit into ours - particularly when they have partners / families of their own.

Perhaps you and your GF could suggest that you both arrive at her parents' home in time for lunch?
 
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I think Christmas frequently present problems like this to people. The only solution that worked for me was to start a family. Then you can start arguing that things should be done to suit your/ the childrens' timetable. Bit drastic though and I only recommend it if you were going to start a family anyway.

Otherwise I think you are going to have to go with the flow and think to yourself that (presumably?) it is only going to be this way for a few years.
 

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my fiance will want to go early, mostly to please her parents i think
If you're not on the same page with this, then I'm afraid I have to agree with others. It looks like you might simply have to go with the flow.
 
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I'm also in the "it's one day a year" camp.

If it's really *that* big of a problem, you could ask her family to shift their tradition to one that opens presents at a pre-set time, although it makes the event more about you than family. You could maybe even get success with that if you agreed to dress up as Santa and make a special appearance each year.

Alternately, you could let your lady drive home from your family's home so you could nap a while in the car.
 

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aaaaahhhhh another thorny problem I never have to deal with again :smthumbup:

personally I think you just suck it up - it's just one day, it's important to them and to her and your reasons for not going aren't really that valid. If you're tired then start drinking early and fall asleep on the couch until dinner time, who knows you may not get invited back next year ;)
 

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I'm in the suck it up it's just one day camp and I'd probably take a nap while there to cope.

However know that once you have kids this won't work anymore.

I'm grateful I only have one family to deal with (his). So much easier.
 

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Suck it up dude. This is a part of marriage. My H celebrates Christmas with my family, and its not even a holiday he celebrates. In his words, "who puts a dead tree in the middle of the living room."

Maybe a compromise is that you can go home for a nap in the afternoon after the important festivities happen and there is a lull. Then return for dinner.
The bad news is you may not get your way. The good news is you have family to celebrate with. Look on the bright side!
 

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This sounds like what we faced.... Her family has all sorts of "traditions" the worst, imo, is getting up at the butt crack of dawn on new years day to watch the parade and have a big family breakfast. I am NOT a morning person, neither is she. She wasn't happy about doing these things, but did it out of obligation, and probably to not hear her mom bych...

So, I told her mom we would not be there. Yep, they were pissed. They got over it. Now, on new years day while the rest of the family is getting up at 4am to make it over in time to get breakfast cooked, we are tucked in bed, and show up late morning, well rested.

Now, if she WANTS to do this, I say suck it up, and get over there. If she doesn't, but is doing it to appease, then be the man and explain nicely to her family that due to your schedules, mornings off together are precious, and you will be enjoying them together, showing up to family functions later in the day. Explain that you totally understand that they are not going to wait on you, and you are ok with that.
 

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Tradition or not..the 7:00 a.m. thing is ridiculous. Especially since they know that the day before you were at your side of the family celebrating. But at the same time in this situation unless your wife is going to take a stand, you are probably out of luck.
 

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I think this is kind of selfish. So you want her family traditions to be like your family tradition. You are too tired the next day because of spending time with your family. How would you feel if she wanted to alter your family's Christmas traditions?

You want to sleep in? Really? That's the reason you want to upset her (assuming she enjoys this tradition)? You get to sleep in Christmas morning so is waking up early going to kill you? This just seems like a really silly and selfish problem. If it is important to your fiance I don't know why you wouldn't just suck it up and do it. It's one day a year.

If it is really too much for you the best suggestion I have is splitting years. One year you see your family at Christmas and recover the next day without seeing hers and the next year you don't see your family on Christmas so that you are fully rested and prepared for the full day at her family's home.
 
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