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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So the other night my wife and I were out to dinner with a friend she went to college and remained friends since graduation. She is married but her husband couldn't join us for dinner due to work obligations. During our conversation we asked her what is one of the toughest aspects about raising a child. My wife's friend jokingly replied "having quiet sex." Of course we all laughed but she did say it did put a slight damper on their sex life because in her words - "you have to bury your face in a pillow". My wife and I were howling because right now we do not have any kids so being a little extra vocal in the bedroom is a non issue for us.

She proceeded to tell us how her 11 year old once heard them having sex. Of course she had the talk with her daughter prior to this happening so her daughter wasn't too bothered by it because she knew that her parents had sex often. My wife's friend told us that she really doesn't try to make sex a taboo subject in her house and that she is very open with her daughter about it. Her daughter knows that it's something a married couple share...at least that's how my wife's friend explained it to her.

So after this discussion it got me thinking. Do the parents out there hide sex from your kids? Another words, do you treat it as something taboo? Obviously it depends on how old they are but do they know you and your spouse have a healthy sex life? Also, did your kids ever hear a moan coming from the bedroom? How did you handle the situation?
 

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No, we don't hide it and treat it as taboo.
Since our kids are 16, 12 and 8, the oldest two pretty much know what is going on.

We do have a lock on our bedroom door because we got "caught" twice by our oldest. One time was 3 freaking AM when she got sick - who thinks you're going to get caught at 3 AM?


As for the sound: wife isn't too noisy, but I have heard the kids turn the TV or stereo up a few times on Saturday morning.
 

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Hehe yep having children certainly does change my sex style at my place! My husband is not my children's biological dad, so thinking this might make the subject a bit touchy? My 13 year old daughter is aware ( through having heard us and my attempts at being open and honest about sexuality ) of what it is married couples do, my 10 year old son hasn't said much yet. Keeping quiet is very frustrating for me, and really puts a damper on things. I yearn for a sound proof bedroom!
 

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Ummm no. We have three kids: 11, 6, & 4. At various times in their lives, each has co-slept with us. We still managed to conceive each of them. And now, we make time for each other, alone. I am not quiet at all. We don't hide it from them. But we shut the door. They know that when mom & dad are in the bedroom with the door shut, DO NOT DISTURB! LOL

So, on, we don't hide it. It's a fact of life. I'd rather they know mom and dad love being with each other.
 

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Sex is not a taboo subject in our household at all. My husband and I have been very open with our kids regarding sex as long as it is within limits of what they are curious about knowing or learning. My daughter is 11 and my step-son is 12. My ex-husband and I did not have sex nearly as much as my husband and I do now so my daughter wasn't exposed to that aspect of our marriage when she was younger aside from walking in on her dad and I having sex once when she was 7.

With my husband and I now, both of our kids are well aware of us having sex as we have already had the talks with them and tried to answer as many questions as they had and will have. I'm not as vocal as the louder screamers but I do moan from time to time and thanks to my curvy butt, there are plenty of skin-slapping sounds to go with our sessions haha. We have asked each of the kids if they can hear us and they both have said yes but they are not bothered by it at all because they understand that "that's what parents do" and they are just happy that we love each other.

And just like sex isn't a taboo thing in our home, nudity isn't either. We are not nudists by any means but if one of our kids happened to walk in on us changing or naked, we would not make a big deal out of it at all. It has happened with my step son a couple times now and it was not awkward at all. I believe there is a lot parents are able to do in their sex lives in their own homes but as long as it doesn't infringe on their children's comfort of living at home.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
With my husband and I now, both of our kids are well aware of us having sex as we have already had the talks with them and tried to answer as many questions as they had and will have. I'm not as vocal as the louder screamers but I do moan from time to time and thanks to my curvy butt, there are plenty of skin-slapping sounds to go with our sessions haha. We have asked each of the kids if they can hear us and they both have said yes but they are not bothered by it at all because they understand that "that's what parents do" and they are just happy that we love each other.
Well put Nancy! Glad your children are comfortable with sex and understand it's important in a marriage. Now I wonder if they can also hear the skin slapping sounds as well? Lol
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Well put Nancy! Glad your children are comfortable with sex and understand it's important in a marriage. Now I wonder if they can also hear the skin slapping sounds as well? Lol
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Yes, they can hear the skin-slapping too. It's usually loudest when their bedroom doors are open but when they're closed, it's not as loud but you can still hear it apparently.
 

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I agree... little kids dont understand. Its not about 'hiding it' its about appropriate observations for little ones.

I remember hearing my parents going at it (How old was I... 5? I dont know.. young). Sounded like my mom was was being assaulted.. I was frigging horrified. Scared out of my pants that night.

'Oh...Oh!..Oh!...Uhh..Uhh...Uhhh!..."

I think I asked her about it and she made up something about passing a kidney stone or something. :rolleyes:

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We dont hide it, the kids come in the morning and figure out we are 'naked' under the covers and they leave snickering. We also have become very (VERY) adept at having moderately quiet sex. Its actually very sexy, very sultry. Slow can be soooo good.

I dont think it has cramped our style one bit. Yeah, we maybe get a little more loud when we are away by ourselves (not that often) but we arent missing anything.

Our kids sleep like they are dead trees anyway.

I say no worries. Just be reasonable. If you are doing anything... uhm.. complicated.... close the damn door. :D
 

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I don't think it's healthy for young children to hear the sounds of their parents having sex.

There are steps that can be taken to avoid this problem.
I don't think it's healthy for young children to hear the sounds of their parents having sex.

There are steps that can be taken to avoid this problem.
If these were different circumstances, I would agree with you totamm but there are a couple things that have convinced me that there is no need to worry about our situation.

First, yes, our children are young but they are not toddlers anymore. If they were in the 4-8 years range, I would be very skeptical about having sex freely in our home with my husband. They are pre-teens that are a lot smarter and more mature for their age. Their curiosity about the matter was a sign that they were ready to be exposed to *some* truths about our private matters but not all and certainly not the things I would deem inappropriate.

I truly believe that if you stunt your child's curiosity for whatever matter at an earlier age, you will stunt the ability to communicate with them about more important things as they get older and my friend/co-worker and her children are a perfect example of that. Their curiosity doesn't mean you have to disclose *everything* about the subject but it certainly isn't healthy or right to pretend that it doesn't exist and to sweep it under the rug so to speak.

Secondly, our kids have not come to us to voice their concerns about their parent's love-making sounds. More than half the time, they don't even pay attention or hear anything. But nonetheless, we still asked them a handful of times if they were bothered and they said no and that we should stop asking. Now, maybe they're just at the age where they are comfortable with hearing those noises and not being bothered by it. In fact, I wouldn't doubt them coming to us around age 15 or 16 to tell us that the sounds are now weird and that we should be more quiet. In that case, you could best believe we'd do everything in our power to meet that request. Until then, I don't think there is a problem as long as they're happy and ok.
 

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It's gross and disrespectful.

Go ahead and ask your teenage kids what they think about hearing their parents having sex. That's exactly what you're going to hear.



Better soundproofing and insulation, turn up the music, do it when the kids aren't around, etc.
Like I said, our children are ok with how things are at their age at this time. I am SURE they will prefer not to hear those sounds in a couple of years and at that point, my husband and I will do everything we can to avoid exposing our kids to that aspect of our lives. If our kids were younger and/or uncomfortable with the situation now, there would be no question that the circumstances of our situation would be completely different.

And we have a very huge bedroom with very wide and tall hollow walls so insulation is not an option. Although we did try music and that just annoyed both of the kids. I cant say that the music wasnt a mood killer either.
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
You could easily add blown in insulation to the walls and then patch the holes.
That sounds like too much work . I don't think I'd take it that far. As Nancy suggested a little moan won't scar them
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That sounds like too much work . I don't think I'd take it that far. As Nancy suggested a little moan won't scar them
Sounds like more than a little moan.

I heard my dad doing my step mom when I was a teenager. We had an upstate cabin with thin walls. Woke up in the middle of the night thinking the cabin was being attacked by bears or something.

Then I realized what I was listening to.

I can remember it as if it was only yesterday and it's not a pleasant thought or a visual that I would care to retain.
 

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Sounds like more than a little moan.

I heard my dad doing my step mom when I was a teenager. We had an upstate cabin with thin walls. Woke up in the middle of the night thinking the cabin was being attacked by bears or something.
I can assure you totamm, our noises don't resemble bear attacks at all ha. The kids would let us know if they had a problem with it but they don't so I don't see an issue of them being scarred for life or something.
 

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I guess it's ok then.

It was worse for me because we were in the middle of the woods and I was fast asleep and not expecting that at all!
 

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You could easily add blown in insulation to the walls and then patch the holes.
We just turn the tv up. :rofl:

I don't want my kids knowing whats going on in my room. It's none of their business at all. I never heard my parents when I was growing up, thank God, but years later my mom said they were very active.

I just think its something that's private and does not need to be announced throughout the house. I find the thought of that very tacky really.
 

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We turn the tv on and lock the door.

I walked in on my parents once when I was a teen....I was repulsed. Sorry....I'm all for teaching that sex is normal and healthy but I REALLY didn't need the visual :rofl:

So out of consideration for the 13 year old, we try to muffle the sounds. But when she's out with friends it's no holds barred!
 
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