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My now teen aged daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. When she was around kindergarten age, for several years, she was obsessed with dogs. She wanted to be a dog. She pretended to be a dog. She got other children to play along, to treat her like a dog. She would chew sticks. Dig holes. Growl playfully.

The other children eventually stopped enjoying this "game" and she was more or less an outcast, until we told her to stop pretending to be a dog when around other children. She resisted this for a long time. She preferred to be an outcast over giving up on her dream of becoming a dog.

At some point she also became obsessed with the movie series, "Land Before Time" and wanted to be a dinosaur. Specifically, a Brontosaurus. She started eating grass. She told me that she thought that if she ate enough grass, she would actually become a Brontosaurus.

You can see the recurring theme here. She wants to become things that she can never become. I'm sure there are some surgeries and drug protocols that would turn her into a more dog like human than any other human but she will never be a dog. She will also never be a boy and her desire to become a boy is as much a sign of mental dysfunction as her desire to become a dog or a dinosaur. Only now she has a plethora of other children, and even adults, cheering her on, telling her this is great, go with it.

I am not making a general statement about all trans people, I'm just saying that for my child, this trans drive seems to be caused by a mental dysfunction. She never had any signs of this until one of her grade school friends came out as trans, then another, then suddenly she was as well.

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How long did the past obsessions last?
 

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180, is she in therapy? If so, have you discussed this with her therapist of ways to deal with this?
If not, maybe she should be...

Was there something specific that triggered her wanting to be a boy?
 

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You know your own child so you are right to not just assume she is actually trans. Though is there really any harm in allowing her (without shame) to dress and present herself as a boy? Kids and people do change their minds about these things and do not always complete the trans trajectory, so it may just be temporary. How high is her functioning in general? Has she ever had a date/boyfriend?
 

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This is rare, but I have known young folks who so did not want to be like their same sex parent, that they sought other options. Animals, fantasy people, opposite sex, etc.

All kids want to be a member of the opposite sex for one reason or another at some ages/times and then they align with comfort with who they are. Some are confused mentally and some not. Does she talk openly with you? Does she like the advantages she sees accorded to the opposite sex. Does she think she is a female trapped in a male's body? Life at her age is Hard. Let her know you love her no matter what. Be careful who influences her during these teen years.

I have seen personality test results from folks who declare to be trans that are a horrible mess and those that make sense. All are very vulnerable--be gentle.
 

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How long did the past obsessions last?
The being a dog thing lasted a couple years. The dino thing too. There was some overlap.


180, is she in therapy? If so, have you discussed this with her therapist of ways to deal with this?
If not, maybe she should be...
Yes, unfortunately. I found out too late that therapists are nearly 100% brain washed to support transition no matter what. I found out that her therapist is in fact supporting this and am trying to end the contact. However, the therapist sees her at her school in between classes and the school says I can't interfere. As a last resort I'm cancelling the health insurance for this child so that perhaps the therapist will stop when she stops getting paid.
Was there something specific that triggered her wanting to be a boy?
A friend of her's decided that she was trans. It is called "clustering." Up until then her favorite color was pink. She dressed up as a princess one Halloween and a 50's Poodle Skirt girl the next. She was a very typical pre-teen girl.

One thing though, she has always been overly concerned about getting older. Every year on her birthday she gets distraught over being older. As she got taller, almost 5'9" she was mistaken for being older and that REALLY bothered her. Then with puberty, well you can imagine, not many girls are happy about starting to bleed. She was probably the least happy "little" girl ever.

Reminds me of this:


"Woman Who Thinks She’s A Cat Leads New Civil Rights Movement"


https://www.dailywire.com/news/woman-who-thinks-shes-cat-leads-new-civil-rights-hank-berrien
Interesting. Makes sense. Thanks for that.

You know your own child so you are right to not just assume she is actually trans. Though is there really any harm in allowing her (without shame) to dress and present herself as a boy? Kids and people do change their minds about these things and do not always complete the trans trajectory, so it may just be temporary. How high is her functioning in general? Has she ever had a date/boyfriend?
I worry that if I don't push back on this, the encouragement of others will be persuasive. I did succeed in talking her out being a dog or dinosaur so I do have a good track record, lol.

No, she has never dated a boy or a girl. She and her friends used to talk about boys as "hot" or not but that was back before she decided to be a boy.

This is rare, but I have known young folks who so did not want to be like their same sex parent, that they sought other options. Animals, fantasy people, opposite sex, etc.
Hi Sunset - yes, of course you know the whole backstory. Of course she wants to be nothing like her mother, for backstory reasons. Her mother is super feminine. She presents as the traditional hot California blond. With very frequent trips to the gym, the salon and the dermatologist to keep it up.

She, the daughter, was always more like me in her personality. Quiet, reserved, contemplative. Her mother is very boisterous and loud. So even though daughter looks a LOT more like her mother, her personality made her more attached to me. Even before the events of the backstory.
All kids want to be a member of the opposite sex for one reason or another at some ages/times and then they align with comfort with who they are. Some are confused mentally and some not. Does she talk openly with you? Does she like the advantages she sees accorded to the opposite sex. Does she think she is a female trapped in a male's body?
Those are words she uses (male trapped in female body). I doubt that it is more than parroting what she has heard.
 

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My now teen aged daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. When she was around kindergarten age, for several years, she was obsessed with dogs. She wanted to be a dog. She pretended to be a dog. She got other children to play along, to treat her like a dog. She would chew sticks. Dig holes. Growl playfully.

The other children eventually stopped enjoying this "game" and she was more or less an outcast, until we told her to stop pretending to be a dog when around other children. She resisted this for a long time. She preferred to be an outcast over giving up on her dream of becoming a dog.

At some point she also became obsessed with the movie series, "Land Before Time" and wanted to be a dinosaur. Specifically, a Brontosaurus. She started eating grass. She told me that she thought that if she ate enough grass, she would actually become a Brontosaurus.

You can see the recurring theme here. She wants to become things that she can never become. I'm sure there are some surgeries and drug protocols that would turn her into a more dog like human than any other human but she will never be a dog. She will also never be a boy and her desire to become a boy is as much a sign of mental dysfunction as her desire to become a dog or a dinosaur. Only now she has a plethora of other children, and even adults, cheering her on, telling her this is great, go with it.

I am not making a general statement about all trans people, I'm just saying that for my child, this trans drive seems to be caused by a mental dysfunction. She never had any signs of this until one of her grade school friends came out as trans, then another, then suddenly she was as well.

Comments?
What does your daughter really know about the process of gender reassignment, not just the emotional aspects of wanting to be male but the actual reassignment surgery that’s involved.
This may sound cruel and it probably is but have you considered showing her the procedures which she will have to undertake and explaining the physical requirements that any gender reassignment candidate must go through before surgery is even considered.
 

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@One Eighty,

I am not sure if this will help, but my youngest son is transgender (female to male). For his whole life, he would have been what I considered "a tomboy" in that he was never interested in being girly and feminine. He played competitive sport well into high-school against boys, and at the time was actually kind of ground-breaking (FYI, he was a baseball player...began in peewee league and was on the varsity boys team "as a girl" in HS).

Anyway, I loved him for the person he was, and yet even as a parent I felt there was something a little off...I just couldn't put my finger on it. He wasn't really very sexual...he definitely wasn't gay (because we talked about that openly)... I figured, as s/he grew up, that s/he was just "who s/he was" and let him/her be that way, ya know? And no we didn't do both gender pronouns back then, but back in the day (1990's) she was still a she, and yet it wasn't a true representation of her "inner person."

Then, at about 25yo or so, he came out and told me he was trans...and what's truly funny is that as soon as he told me, what I thought was something like: "Oh my gosh you are so right! That's it!" In the strangest way, it was a relief to be able to have some name for whatever it was that was just off a little. Yep, he was actually a boy his whole life, and after he said it out loud, I literally felt like "Yep you are! You have been a boy your whole life"... because HE WAS!!

He transitioned--took the hormones--and eventually did the top part of GRS. He's lived as male now for 5 years or so, and this may sound strange but it is SO HIM. To me, as his parent, and yeah...as the parent who spent the most time parenting, caregiving, and raising him...it feels to me like he is finally "who he is" on the outside to match who he has always been on the inside.

Thus, my thought is that you likely know your child more closely and more intimately than any other human on the planet, including this so-called "therapist." Puberty is often/usually a time that's kind of messy in a kid's life anyway, so I'd say speak freely to your child, keep an open mind that maybe... and yet be fully honest. If you don't feel that moment of "Ah ha" like this finally makes sense, then I would not move forward on something that will very literally change your child's life FOREVER.
 

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What does your daughter really know about the process of gender reassignment, not just the emotional aspects of wanting to be male but the actual reassignment surgery that’s involved.
This may sound cruel and it probably is but have you considered showing her the procedures which she will have to undertake and explaining the physical requirements that any gender reassignment candidate must go through before surgery is even considered.
I don't think this would be wise because not all trans people want GRS. So there's no reason to make the assumption his daughter is thinking about this at all.

Also, for anyone who does actually want to have GRS, there is a long process before hand where you must undergo a psych eval, then live as the other sex for a period of time (usually a year), and also yes they certainly do make sure you understand what all is involved with the actual surgeries (it is usually several surgeries). So in other words, GRS is a long way off and is not necessarily her goal anyway.
 

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My now teen aged daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. When she was around kindergarten age, for several years, she was obsessed with dogs. She wanted to be a dog. She pretended to be a dog. She got other children to play along, to treat her like a dog. She would chew sticks. Dig holes. Growl playfully.

The other children eventually stopped enjoying this "game" and she was more or less an outcast, until we told her to stop pretending to be a dog when around other children. She resisted this for a long time. She preferred to be an outcast over giving up on her dream of becoming a dog.

At some point she also became obsessed with the movie series, "Land Before Time" and wanted to be a dinosaur. Specifically, a Brontosaurus. She started eating grass. She told me that she thought that if she ate enough grass, she would actually become a Brontosaurus.

You can see the recurring theme here. She wants to become things that she can never become. I'm sure there are some surgeries and drug protocols that would turn her into a more dog like human than any other human but she will never be a dog. She will also never be a boy and her desire to become a boy is as much a sign of mental dysfunction as her desire to become a dog or a dinosaur. Only now she has a plethora of other children, and even adults, cheering her on, telling her this is great, go with it.

I am not making a general statement about all trans people, I'm just saying that for my child, this trans drive seems to be caused by a mental dysfunction. She never had any signs of this until one of her grade school friends came out as trans, then another, then suddenly she was as well.

Comments?
I'm in lockstep with your assessment. There is a difference between someone who makes an informed choice with proven mental health and someone who is not healthy.

Government overreach on this is happening in the UK and it is disgusting.
 

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What does your daughter really know about the process of gender reassignment, not just the emotional aspects of wanting to be male but the actual reassignment surgery that’s involved.
This may sound cruel and it probably is but have you considered showing her the procedures which she will have to undertake and explaining the physical requirements that any gender reassignment candidate must go through before surgery is even considered.
I think this would be a good idea for a mentally healthy person but not a child with autism.
 

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Hey there,
In my state, signed permission has to be granted for any minor to be seen by a mental health professional/counselor/therapist whether the professional is employed by the school system or the parents. I am unaware of any state where this is different--maybe CA by now. You are a lawyer--check on this! Do not believe what the school SAYS. Someone could lose their license if they are treating her without permission. You can always withdraw permission.

You are correct that the professional is on the side of the child. It is only just now being revealed what you already know--the damage to children. Suicide rate is extremely high.
 

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The being a dog thing lasted a couple years. The dino thing too. There was some overlap.




Yes, unfortunately. I found out too late that therapists are nearly 100% brain washed to support transition no matter what. I found out that her therapist is in fact supporting this and am trying to end the contact. However, the therapist sees her at her school in between classes and the school says I can't interfere. As a last resort I'm cancelling the health insurance for this child so that perhaps the therapist will stop when she stops getting paid.

A friend of her's decided that she was trans. It is called "clustering." Up until then her favorite color was pink. She dressed up as a princess one Halloween and a 50's Poodle Skirt girl the next. She was a very typical pre-teen girl.

One thing though, she has always been overly concerned about getting older. Every year on her birthday she gets distraught over being older. As she got taller, almost 5'9" she was mistaken for being older and that REALLY bothered her. Then with puberty, well you can imagine, not many girls are happy about starting to bleed. She was probably the least happy "little" girl ever.



Interesting. Makes sense. Thanks for that.



I worry that if I don't push back on this, the encouragement of others will be persuasive. I did succeed in talking her out being a dog or dinosaur so I do have a good track record, lol.

No, she has never dated a boy or a girl. She and her friends used to talk about boys as "hot" or not but that was back before she decided to be a boy.



Hi Sunset - yes, of course you know the whole backstory. Of course she wants to be nothing like her mother, for backstory reasons. Her mother is super feminine. She presents as the traditional hot California blond. With very frequent trips to the gym, the salon and the dermatologist to keep it up.

She, the daughter, was always more like me in her personality. Quiet, reserved, contemplative. Her mother is very boisterous and loud. So even though daughter looks a LOT more like her mother, her personality made her more attached to me. Even before the events of the backstory.

Those are words she uses (male trapped in female body). I doubt that it is more than parroting what she has heard.
i am dating a trans woman... transition is not a decision that anyone should make on a whim. my girlfriend almost died in october due to complications that arose post surgery...

do you think she would be ok with simply assuming a male identity without doing any of the things that can leave permanent changes to her body? dress in boys cloths, wear a boys hair cut, etc, but not start hormone replacement therapy?

if she is willing to do so, she would be able to explore the experience of presenting as male without actually making any physical changes to her body. i know you dont want to encourage what is likely a phase, but if she really wants to do this, she will do all the above regardless. chances are, she may just kinda grow out of it, if she feels like she is allowed to explore it without judgement.

my girlfriend is also autistic. despite the difficulties she has faced when it comes to transition, she is very happy with her decision. but she made that decision as an independent adult.

i think you are right to have reservations about this. especially considering her past... obsessions. but you can probably find a way to support her and guide her so that she feels supported while not actually making any permanent changes to her body that she may regret later.

nothing else, look up FTM hormone replacement so that you are well informed... it typically works pretty well at any age. women who undergo it typically do look like men after a while, regardless of how old they are when they start...

ETA: in mentioning HRT, i want to clarify my opinion... i dont think you should entertain the idea right now. but rather, if she decides she wants to do it, let her know that she would still get the results she wanted, even if she starts it in her twenties or thirties. no need to do it now...
 
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How old is she exactly?

I work in the operating room. And we do gender confirming mastectomies fairly frequently. Most of them are young girls, a lot of them are girls younger than 18. I have a negative opinion about doing mastectomies on these young girls but I put my judgement aside and do my job well.

My opinion.... 18 is too young to make that decision to have a life altering surgery.
 

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As a women it breaks my heart to see women not empowered by their womenhood. To me, being a women is the greatest thing in the world. I am a tomboy also. Your daughter needs to get intouch with that... and not the dumb stereotypical materialistic outward appearance of what a women should be.

It’s hard for me to understand because even though I am a tomboy, I am so proud to be a women. What about being a women does she not like? Because if it’s all the dumb materialistic things you said about your wife... that is not a reason not to be a women. Women come in all shades. Maybe she needs to see other types of strong powerful women that have done great things, not just get Botox and buy makeup.
 

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How old is she exactly?

I work in the operating room. And we do gender confirming mastectomies fairly frequently. Most of them are young girls, a lot of them are girls younger than 18. I have a negative opinion about doing mastectomies on these young girls but I put my judgement aside and do my job well.

My opinion.... 18 is too young to make that decision to have a life altering surgery.
This makes me seriously ill.
 
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