Child accidently hears parents talk about sex

2755 Views 24 Replies 11 Participants Last post by TheCrunch, Nov 26, 2012

Mr.PotentialFulfilled

Discussion Starter · Nov 23, 2012

What should a parent do if their child (who is around 11), accidentally hears the parents talking about sex from another room?

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Wolfman1968

· #2 · Nov 23, 2012

Sex in what terms?
An 11 year old is at the age when they are learning the "facts of life". They come to the realization that their parents have/had sex, and where they came from (although they don't like to dwell on it regarding their parents).
So I think that how the sex discussion related to the parents' marriage is important. If the discussion is "we can't wait to do X when little Sally is at Grandma's", that's going to be less distressing to the child than a tension-filled "you're withholding sex from me!" argument.
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that_girl

· #3 · Nov 23, 2012

I wouldn't do anything.

Parents have sex. Married people have sex...at least children should be taught that they do.

Nothing happened, the child is ok.

I'm sure our kids hear/see things between my husband and I...and it's ok. Hopefully they see the importance of these things in marriage.

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Mr.PotentialFulfilled

Discussion Starter · #4 · Nov 23, 2012

Wolfman1968 said:
Sex in what terms?
An 11 year old is at the age when they are learning the "facts of life". They come to the realization that their parents have/had sex, and where they came from (although they don't like to dwell on it regarding their parents).
So I think that how the sex discussion related to the parents' marriage is important. If the discussion is "we can't wait to do X when little Sally is at Grandma's", that's going to be less distressing to the child than a tension-filled "you're withholding sex from me!" argument.
Posted via Mobile Device

It was kind of a "you're withholding sex from me" talk. I've been in a flirtatious mood with my wife all morning. She dressed up and looked great. I was hugging her and kissing her. My child saw me hugging her. But then my child was downstairs and I said to my wife how my new therapist could not believe how little we have sex and said I must be #@$ off a lot. My wife said our child could hear us. I said "can you hear me? My child said yes. The child was downstairs playing.

And my child does know the facts of life.

that_girl

· #5 · Nov 23, 2012

Don't worry about it. It was an adult conversation and the child heard it. Let it go. But that's my opinion.

I heard some things similar as a kid/teen from my parents.

It made me value sex in relationships. i always said I would refuse to fight about sex or money--- which is what my parents fought about the most.

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Stonewall

· #6 · Nov 23, 2012

I agree with TG do nothing unless he asks a specific question.

costa200

· #7 · Nov 23, 2012

Dude, at that age he knows everything by now. You didn't rock his world, believe me...

Reactions: 1

TheCrunch

· #8 · Nov 24, 2012

If you feel that anything you said might cause a problem for the child some sort of explanation may be necessary. If you feel all is well, just let it go but make sure child is not in earshot in the future.

Not sure how you feel about addressing the subject of sex with children in general but link below has some advice.

Talking to your children/teenagers about Porn?

turnera

· #9 · Nov 24, 2012

The WORST thing you want to do is make a big deal about it.

That said, he is old enough for you to start having talks with him about what life is going to be about - including relationships, sex, honesty, integrity...

Remember, 11 year olds BECOME who you teach them to be. Hide something, and he'll grow to covet it. Explain something, and he'll grow to understand it.

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Mr.PotentialFulfilled

Discussion Starter · #10 · Nov 24, 2012

turnera said:
Remember, 11 year olds BECOME who you teach them to be. Hide something, and he'll grow to covet it. Explain something, and he'll grow to understand it.

Wow! I love that saying! I believe it's true. The worst thing is to make something a forbidding fruit.

I have a big responsibility on my hand. I want my 11 year old to become much better than what I became. And that shouldn't be too hard.

Mr.PotentialFulfilled

Discussion Starter · #11 · Nov 24, 2012

TheCrunch said:
If you feel that anything you said might cause a problem for the child some sort of explanation may be necessary. If you feel all is well, just let it go but make sure child is not in earshot in the future.

Not sure how you feel about addressing the subject of sex with children in general but link below has some advice.

Talking to your children/teenagers about Porn?

Thank you for the link. I'll look into it. I know porn has always been a problem with me. I don't want that problem passed on.

45188

· #12 · Nov 24, 2012

happened to me. I just thought it was gross and it made me uncomfortable for a few Weeks. getting my first period was much more uncomfortable than sex talk.

ankh

· #13 · Nov 24, 2012

turnera said:
The WORST thing you want to do is make a big deal about it.

That said, he is old enough for you to start having talks with him about what life is going to be about - including relationships, sex, honesty, integrity...

Remember, 11 year olds BECOME who you teach them to be. Hide something, and he'll grow to covet it. Explain something, and he'll grow to understand it.

A wise mother you are!

unbelievable

· #14 · Nov 24, 2012

Throughout most of the world (and for most of our own history), parents have/had sex in the same room with their kids and civilization has survived thousands of years. He didn't arrive on this earth because y'all played checkers. Unless you and your husband are just unusually freaky, he's probably heard and seen more shocking sexual behavior at school.

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unbelievable

· #15 · Nov 24, 2012

If he plays video games, watches movies, and goes to public school, by the time he's 11, he's been exposed to more "sex" than the nastiest 50 year old New Orleans hooker of 1880.

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TheCrunch

· #16 · Nov 25, 2012

Unbelievable - sadly this is all too true and is the reason I recently decided to take the advice in the link I gave above and had the "porn talk" in addition to previous "sex talk" with my kids. And they have to be ongoing conversations.

Mr.PotentialFulfilled

Discussion Starter · #17 · Nov 25, 2012

I want to protect my child from porn lest she/he find porn a major distraction and addiction like happened to me.

turnera

· #18 · Nov 25, 2012

Mr, remember to INSIST that he is free to talk to you about everything - everything - and that you won't judge him for anything he does. Tell him you may be unhappy with his CHOICES, but you'll never judge him as a person if he screws up. Tell him it's natural to make mistakes, it's how you deal with it afterwards that shows your integrity, whether you're a 'man.' (and right now he's thinking about becoming a man, so he'll soak up any conversations about it) Take him on walks, have him do yardwork with you, go fishing...things where you have a lot of time, side by side, so you can have easier conversations. The key to raising a great man is to allow him to tell you anything.

I told DD22 that when I was raising her, and she wasn't really sure I was telling the truth. She tested me a few times and I still never judged her. Today I'm her best friend. She can tell me anything.

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TrustInUs

· #19 · Nov 26, 2012

I once over heard my dad yelling about how he's had to ja*k off for years when i was young. It's something that's always stuck with me, and it's also what made want to make sure I take care of my husbands needs. But my parents did not have a healthy relationship either.

I wouldnt make too much of a deal about it, like others have said, and try to be as open and approachable as possible to your kids about sex.

Reactions: 1

TheCrunch

· #20 · Nov 26, 2012

Although I have had the sex and porn talk with my teenage D the "conversation" is totally one-sided. She listens but NEVER asks me any questions or comments on what I say. This is somewhat daunting for me but I still think I have to have these talks from time to time, and do. I try and think about what questions I would have had at that age and pose the questions myself and answer my own questions during the talk. But I would much prefer to hear from her what her own questions are.

I always tell her that if she has any questions or worries I am here for her.

Should I be worried about her never opening up? She gets real quiet if anything comes on TV which alludes to sex, periods and the like. I think it's just pure embarrassment.

I recall one time there was a sex eduction programme on TV aimed at her age group and I encouraged her to watch it with me but she found an excuse to go to her room. Thing is, I am sure if I wasn't there she would have been all eyes and ears. She'll often switch to another channel when I come into the TV room. I'd quite like to watch soaps with her as it would be a way of broaching tricky topics in general but she won't watch soaps unless she is alone!!!

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