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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Its sad that at this time of year I have to feel this way. But so many things just are not right.

You see my wife is hooked on the internet, this site called pogo, and she damn near lives on there. She acts and talks like the people on there are her best friends ever. So after looking over the site I asked her to send me a guest pass for there and after some time she did. After I learned the ropes of the site I found out who most of her friends are. It turns out that a few of them are guys, which in itself is not bad really, but 1 or 2 of them she talks to alot on messenger and I just found out, the phone. You see for about a year or more, I cant believe its been that long, me and my wife has not had sex, hell she wont even touch me while Iam naked. And I find out that she talks to these guys about sex and what she likes to do and have done to her and they go on for hours just chatting, its mostly oral sex stuff, oral sex had always fascinated her. Some of the chats I have seen I can hardly believe they come from her, not sure if I should talk about it here, and yes she keeps chat logs and its easy to see what she it writing when Iam the one that maintains her pc. Iam not sure what to do or say, when I do say something she acts like all this is no big deal. But one day while working on her pc I found an old chat log and in it she made a promise to this guy that she would maybe meet one day and assured him that she has not been touched by me in a long time and that she had no plan to. That really threw me. She goes into great detail with these guys and leaves me out in the cold so often. She used to be so different and now the person I met I feel is lost or gone. She says she loves me but Iam not sure what to believe anymore. Theres so much lies and hiding and sneaking Iam not sure what to do or say or think. And as far as I know she has not met any of these people she chats with. So is this "real" cheating? Somehow I think so. I could go on about how we used to be but I bet its the same story all around lol. I just dont know what to do. And now its Christmas, again and Iam alone everyone is in bed finally and this has been heavy on my mind for some time and I found this place I just had to blurt all this out before I go freaking mad. Merry Christmas? Not for some time.
 

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At the best she is emotionally cheating on you probably planning to cheat on you.

Divorce her and move on to a women that will accept you.

Down load her logs in such a way that you can use them in court.

You deserve to be happy and you will never have that with her.

draconis
 

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I would agree that she is emotionally cheating. Personally I would show her what you have found and then take it from there. Good luck to you. I hope it works out the way you want it to.
 

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The best way is to go ahead with your life, but surely need to produce proof before you go on to the court. Speak about this proof with her and tell her that you would like to move on with your life if she wishes to move on with her life this way. May be she might even feel guilty of what she is been doing back of you and realize and repent for what all she is done. Let her know that what all she is been doing is come to your notice, may be then she would come out openly if she wants to get off your relation.
 

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It´s hard to get to that point, but have you tried to get with her more? Why doesn´t she touch you? If you 2 haven´t had sex in more than a year, then probably there is something wrong for both of you. She is looking for an emotional supplement or perhaps some masturbation material... Talk to her, confront her, and see what happens.
 

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It is true no matter how much you might not to admit it but a lot of people turn elsewhere because they are not getting what they need from their partner. That is not to say that they need to turn to cheating. I feel you should just leave first if things are not changing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 · (Edited)
It´s hard to get to that point, but have you tried to get with her more? Why doesn´t she touch you? If you 2 haven´t had sex in more than a year, then probably there is something wrong for both of you. She is looking for an emotional supplement or perhaps some masturbation material... Talk to her, confront her, and see what happens.
I try and I try, I love romance so I pull no stops, I have tried making dinner, just for her not to come home at the time she says she is, I have sent flowers only to come home to find them laying in the sink. I make sure to look my best, smell my best and act my best, only for her to not even see me. I have tried talking to her. I thought if she liked to talk about sex that I would email her or IM her and go that route.

I still workout, I still do the same things around the house I have always done. I do the yard and take care of the house, I pay the bills, hell she dont even have to work. We used to go on trips and used to visit our local parks and beach where she would lay out topless and we would just enjoy each other, the beach days I dont even get to do anymore, she goes with friends, out to dinner with friends many things with friends. I thought about playing the snoop and showing up while she was at the beach laying out just to see if she was with anyone, but I chickend out. Maybe it is time to move on, I just dont know.

If I had someone to talk to about this it might be better. I dare not talk to family, I just couldnt, tis why Iam here. Talking to strangers just seems to be easier for me. Thanks for all the adcive folks. I shall return often.
 

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Most of the time our guts are telling us something. With my first wife I knew something was wrong even though she said nothing was so I decided to surprise her with a romantic early day off. I was the one surprised at what I found. Any way you look at it you are doing the work to pay the bills, the work inside and outside the house, How is she even your partner? She does nothing but live off of you and uses you until she can find something better. If she will not try at the marriage then it is dead and she is using you.

I wish you the best.

If you want one last chance to save the marriage ask to see a joint therapist if she refuses had her divorce papers.

draconis
 
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