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Cheating Thesis

Before anybody reads this and has a cow this is my disclaimer. This is my opinion only on the matter at hand. It is something I feel strongly about. I put as much factual information in with my opinion. This is only my opinion. My wife and I have discussed this topic inside and out. I know my bounds with her and never intend to cheat on her ever. I know that if she ever found out I had cheated on her no matter how great anything else was it would end everything there and then. As she said to me her first stop would be the court house then a lawyer. I have communicated that I would do about the same thing. As some know this is my second marriage. The first one ended when I found out cheating was involved. So by now you might understand I am against cheating in a monogamous relationship. If someone has an open relationship, or agreed to multi-partners I hold no judgment. This is for the 75% of the people who agreed to be in a one on one relationship. Just because I feel something is wrong or immoral doesn’t mean everyone does. Everyone has their own opinion and set of morals. I do not nor ever will forgive or be a apologist for someone that is or wants to cheat. The one thing I have been most proud of in all my life is I set high morals for myself and always met them even when tempted.

Here within I will give my feelings on the matter of cheating.

I.) First it needs to be defined. To me Cheating is when a person in a relationship operates outside of a relationship without the approval of their partner. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is with or without marriage. It does matter on the consideration of the social contract you have with the person you are with.

I do not believe it is cheating if a person enters an open relationship with the oral agree that it is not exclusive. It also can be said of a place where multiple marriages are considered normal. I also don’t think it is cheating if the two original people agree on new terms, even after they started exclusively.

Deception ~By saying a person is cheating means that they are willingly entering into deception with a person that trusts them.

de·cep·tion-
1. the act of deceiving; the state of being deceived.
2. something that deceives or is intended to deceive; fraud; artifice.

de·ceive
1. to mislead by a false appearance or statement; delude:
2. to be unfaithful to (one's spouse or lover).
3. to mislead or falsely persuade others; practice deceit:

Now if a person is to deceive someone then that means that they also have to lie as well to keep the deception going.

Lie~
1. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.
2. something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture
3. an inaccurate or false statement.

In many religions it is also look at as a sin.

Sin~
1. transgression of divine law
2. any act regarded as such a transgression, esp. a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.
3. any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse, etc.; great fault or offense:
4. to offend against a principle, standard, etc.

Then again we can always look at the golden rule.

"treat others as you would like to be treated."

We can even go so far as to look at the Wiccan creed
“As long as it harms none, do as thou whilst.”

Even tit for tat is more about reciprocation of how you are treated by another and is a good measure to cheating.


from MSN

A gender split between sexual and emotional drivers can also be seen in attitudes toward wandering partners. Women say they would be more upset if their partner fell in love with someone else than if their partner had sex with that person (65 percent, compared to 47 percent of men), but men say they’d be more distressed by their partner having a sexual affair than falling in love (53 percent, compared to 35 percent of women).


II.) We all know cheating is fairly common. About 25% of men and 20% of women in a relationship cheat at some time. Now keep in mind that these are the people that said they where in a monogamous relationship.

75% of people claim to have made a monogamous commitment to a single partner. It is important to note that while I consider cheating wrong it is within the context of a monogamous commitment. For those that have open relationships that are no exclusive I do not consider it to be cheating. Both parties know the facts. There isn’t lies or deceit involved.

A full 60% of those that cheat get away with it completely while only 2% get caught in the act.

71% of people believe it is never okay to cheat under any form of reason.

It is rarely for a lack of chance. 8% of men and 4% of women say they just haven’t had the chance. Thus 94% of people in general have had the chance so 77% of the people that had the chance chose not too.

III) The fall out of a relationship with cheating can be huge, but first lets look at those that cheat.

19% end the relationship right away while over a year 22% end the monogamous relationship they where in prior to cheating.

Many are left with emotional scares.

These include sadness (25 percent), stress (32 percent) and guilt (49 percent).

IV) So why do people stay faithful?

75% do it because they are so much in love with the one they are with.
68% are afraid that it might end a relationship.

V)Of all the relationships lasting over 30 years 73% of the people had never cheated. This may be why the relationships lasted so long.

VI)I have already said that 19% of cheaters end the monogamous relationship right away while over a year 22% end the monogamous relationship they where in prior to cheating.

But of all the first divorces over 50% end because a partner cheated.

VII) So after someone cheats why trust them. They have already broken the moral of trust but inside their minds is even scarier.

67% don’t regret doing it in the first place.

13% are glad they did it.

60% will to do it again even if they where caught.

Just goes to the old saying. “Once a cheater always a cheater.”

10% of women and 20% of men justified it because they wanted a better sex life.

Of those with more money 300,000 where 11% more likely to cheat then those that made 35,000 or less.

The highest peak is the 3-5 year range of a relationship where 16% of people cheat.

An average 9% have cheat while a child under two is in the house.

Note they could check more then one reason or a write in answer, below.

Women cheated for more emotional attention (40 percent) desirability (33 percent) falling in love with someone else (20 percent).

Men cheated for excitement from a fling(30 percent overall), want more sex (44 percent), more satisfying sex (38 percent) and variety (40 percent),



VIII) Communication is an important factor in a relationship. You have to tell your partner before hand what do you think is cheating and what is acceptable behavior.
What do you define as cheating? Is it a monogamous relationship? Are you still looking around? Do you consider the relationship serious?

IX) So what does this do to the person cheated on?

Cheating can devastate a person emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and even physically.

Communication ~ A cheater will use lack a communication to hide the deed or avoid talking about it. But communication is the one thing that can hold a relationship together the best and even repair it.

Unfair advantage ~ A cheater often uses an affair as a way of getting an unfair advantage over someone. It is easy to withhold sex from your partner if you are getting it elsewhere. They become weaker mentally and you now control a source of power. After all Cheaters are usually for one's own interest, and often at the expense of others.

Lying ~ Most affairs are never known. This is in large part because of lying. Not just one Lie but over and over again.

Trust ~ Trust is broken and often never rebuilt and for good reason. But where trust is such an important issue to many relationships this is a key to why many end.

Deceit ~ Like lying deceit is used to cover up the deed in hopes it will never be found out.

Self esteem ~ Once a person has been cheated on they may lose a great deal of self esteem. Where they not good enough? Is the other person better looking? More fit? Better health?

Vulnerable ~ Once you feel violated you worry that it can happen again.

Unattractive ~ Why else would someone stray?

Insecure ~ About who and what you are and stand for. Insecure about relationships and trust in another.

Unworthy ~ Feelings of being unworthy of love or happiness.

~~Draconis~~
 

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hi there, i do like what you did write down. i feel ashamed about what i have done and felt. i know my husband loves me unconditionally. I do love him to and why did i stray, i have my reasons but shame on me for doing it. i took vows and destroyed them.......i dont' think i could ever tell my husband. it was a one time thing.......i cannot take it back. i believe he and i can work things out in one way or another, but thank you for writing about this stuff. it makes me think of things like the way i used to think. nevre in my life would i think i would ever do something so terrible like this
 

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Well, I think it was Dr. Joy Brown I was listening to when a caller asked about having cheated on time and if they should reveal it to their spouse. She suggested against it as it would cause an undo rift. Further she said that to put extra work into the marriage. If guilt is an issue see a councilor. I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better for you.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
MrsLV ~ Thank you very much, whenever I do a thesis I put quite a lot of work into it. I believe this one took about sixteen hours to write exactly what I wanted to say. I am glad if it helps in any way. I poured my heart into it as well so it is nice to see people have read it.

draconis
 

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MrsLV ~ Thank you very much, whenever I do a thesis I put quite a lot of work into it. I believe this one took about sixteen hours to write exactly what I wanted to say. I am glad if it helps in any way. I poured my heart into it as well so it is nice to see people have read it.
draconis
I read it and you've done an *excellent* job with it. :smthumbup: I get
so weary of the things I read on this matter... about how tolerant people
have gotten about being cheated on. No one seems to think that if it
happened once, it will most likely happen again. Maybe not next week or
next year, but the trust is surely shattered. Nor do many people realize
that if they shove it under the rug, it's often like giving a blessing for it
to be done again.... "gee, she forgave me, might as well continue!" UGH!

Thank you for writing this. I think I may send an online friend here who's
going through this with her husband right now to read this. She's going
through the whole "I'm unattractive.... etc etc." stuff now and everyone
who knows her knows it's in NO way her fault... she's the kind of wife and
mother we all admire.
 

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katharina ~ You may use anything I put up on these forums and if it can help one of your friends all the better. I think sometimes it is a matter of reading stuff and stepping back to really see.

I hope your friend gets better.

draconis
 

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Thank you for writing this. It really puts things into perspective. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
 

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WOW! Impressive all your thesis. I agree with you for the most of it. I am too into monogamous relationships, and for me there is something very true: "once a cheater, always a cheater". I have never cheat in my life, and I hope I will not. Congrats on your thesis.
 

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i also like how you put things, simple yet down to the point. it also amazes me how everthing in a relationship just falls apart when we find out we have been cheated on. all of a sudden your whole marriage seemed a lie. and you are left to wonder what about when we said i love you to one another what about the good times all the memories why does it all die when we find out
 
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