Talk About Marriage banner
21 - 40 of 57 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,001 Posts
Aside from this mess you need to find a mentor who has made the transition from sport to civilian life and can help you get through this process to find another purpose for your life. Once you get your head back where it should be, you'll be able to sort out this mess without any problems.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #28 ·
Do you think it would be easier to make a decision if you could know more?
Yeah maybe, the kids are still young and ohm be never wanted them to come from a broken home.

maybe it’s all my fault, I’ve had a good career and she’s never had to do anything work wise. With me spending a lot of time training and doing club work maybe she got bored with me
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,988 Posts
Yeah maybe, the kids are still young and ohm be never wanted them to come from a broken home.

maybe it’s all my fault, I’ve had a good career and she’s never had to do anything work wise. With me spending a lot of time training and doing club work maybe she got bored with me
Being bored is no excuse to cheat ever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,658 Posts
Look mate, this was not cheating due to boredom or lack of attention from you! This was early on in your relationship and you were just engaged. This was not her seeking attention in the arms of another man or an affair or anything! This was a fundamental lack of moral fibre - she was drunk, horny and did what she did thinking you would never find out! This is not a neglected wife but an immoral deceitful person! And now you are trying to blame yourself ?!?!?!?

Also even if you want to forgive her, you need to firstly dig as deep as you can so that you have the entire picture (or as much of it as you can) before you forgive anything; and secondly once you know more, you need to give her the chance to come clean and see what she says without revealing what you have found out, to see if she is worth forgiving now. And if she does come clean she needs to do a list of things to reassure you including an explanation of why (and don't accept "I don't know") she did it, details of all her transgressions, complete transparency and a readiness to accept your anger until you are ready to forgive and heal - i.e. show real remorse and not just regret at being outed.

Finally, as others have said you need to get help adjusting to everyday life and work etc - you need to find a job unless you physically cannot work.

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,001 Posts
Not that it's all that relevant but her friend is a vengeful deceitful person whose motivations have nothing whatsoever to do with you.
My experience has been friends like that usually have dirt on each other. I'm sure she knows other stuff but maybe this was something she could share without her being the only source. Who knows.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,688 Posts
Yeah I know but maybe I wasn’t there for her or wasn’t showing her enough attention
Her cheating is 100% on HER -- NOT anything that YOU caused. This is a flaw in HER character.
Also, you NEED to find out everything you can -- otherwise you really won't know what you are forgiving.
I BET there is a lot more you don't know anything about. Her ex-friend may be a good source of other lies your W has told you. BUT make sure you verify things and don't just accept it at face value (the friend MAY be trying to screw her over).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
I would bail on this relationship. Once trust is broken its a tricky thing to repair. Also seems like she doesn't respect you which is something required for a healthy marriage. .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,489 Posts
OP, does she drink alot when she goes out with friends/ Sounds like it and then anything goes. In that case, it will happen again, get out now.
 
21 - 40 of 57 Posts
Top