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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta debate

I stumbled upon this Blog....
7 Traits of a Real Man - One Fathers Quest to be a Better Dad


It just captured the essence & spirit of How I personally view the very best of MEN...


One of the blog replies said this >>
"This is truly a genderless list. If all of us could strive to be less self-involved and more outwardly tuned, we'd be the humans we all have the potential to be. Most importantly, the world would be a far better place for our children."
Now that I agree with .... Wanted to share this...
(I added the quotes & my own little addition with #8 & #9 below)


1.... Integrity – Integrity is more than being honest. It’s a lifestyle set on striving towards moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether or not others are watching. They are trustworthy, dependable, and unwavering.



2....Compassion – Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In other words, you feel compelled to help someone who is hurting. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.



3.... Confidence – Real men are confident. Many people confuse confidence with arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference. Confidence is about being self-assured and self-aware. Confident men have faith in their abilities and knowledge. They don’t need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. They earn people’s trust with their radiant, inner strength. When a they walk into the room, everyone takes notice.

4....Self-control – Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Too many men lack self-control, but it is the foundation of a virtuous life. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men are able to tame their desires and channel that energy into positive pursuits.

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” William James



5....Perseverance – Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up."

"Sometimes you must cross a bridge and other times you need to burn it. But, always keep building one and never lose your faith in life". ~Dodinsky.



6....Bravery – Bravery is the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men stand up in the face of adversity.

"Look at hopelessness in the face and say: "We are simply not meant to be together. Hold courage's hand and walk away". ~Dodinsky



7....Humility – Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. They realize that humility is more endearing than self-importance.

Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal.
Acquiring all of these traits takes time and dedication. However, our society would benefit greatly if all men strove to possess them.

8.... A Real Man has Charisma, Passion, & Reliability ...A real man is not afraid to show his emotions - for he is secure in himself. A real man knows what he wants from life...and always puts his woman first. A real man knows how to treat his woman, and will go out of his way for her. You can put all of your faith in a real man, because he will not fail you. Although these type of men sound like they are from a fairy tale, they do exist.



9....Real Men Protect & Provide. In the same way that most women are appear programmed to protect & nurture their children/loved ones.... Real Men are programmed to Protect & Provide for the women & children in their lives. Real men do protect women & our society should back them up on it.

The physical-strength advantage that most males have over most females puts them at a huge advantage over women – advantage that, unfortunately, gets abused by some men. Thankfully, the majority of men are not like this -therefore we should be careful to not generalize treating all men as potential predators or evil.

“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” ~ Edmund Burke





Your thoughts .... your own Personal List .... Please share...
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

I am deeply in love with a real man or what I call a good man. I did not need to read your list to know that but it makes me so proud to read the list and be able to say yes, yes, yes to all of it.

I would also add that real/good men do not engage in or tolerate misogyny.
Also a real/good man has a high EQ.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

And if they don't have those qualities, they are Virtual Men!

Hooray REAL MEN!
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

And if they don't have those qualities, they are Virtual Men!
No, it's just something to strive for...so long as one has breath.

Surely I am not the only one who gets
of all the Alpha bragging / Gaming Praise/ & doormat Beta put downs on here... I suppose they have their place to get a man's neck in the door ....
but then what?

At the end of the day ...If you seek commitment at all with another....this = the backbone of any healthy relationship /family. Shouldn't all men strive for these particular characteristics?

Sure they fall short & each could pinpoint their area of struggle....IF they are honest with themselves ...a little self awareness can be empowering (though it may be debilitating to some I suppose)... a man's Resiliance will bear that out.

I pretty much think these types are on the Rarer side in this world... a man shouldn't have to hit midlife before we walks into the wall & learns these truths (seems lots of women want older men for this very reason)...

I'd even say many of us wives overlook a lot at times...we still see the very Best in our husbands
(
will do that!)....we see that
....heard this song on the radio last night coming home ....thinking of such men (my husband among them)...I got chills, it's so exhilarating.....good men deserve our highest Praise.

Beyoncé - Halo - YouTube


If anyone clicked on that link... Loved his opening >>

Men were made to be bold, strong, leaders. However, our society has attempted to repress these traits. If you look at the way men (especially dads) are portrayed on TV, you’d think we were all a bunch of irresponsible, befuddled, nincompoops, who can only function with the help of a “smart” female partner, friend, or spouse.

Consequently, many boys are confused and have no idea what it takes to be a real man. They seek inappropriate role models and emulate the bad behavior that they see on a regular basis. Nothing could be truer in my opinion!

It is our duty as men, fathers, and responsible citizens to counter these negative images and raise a new generation of men who are respectful, loving, and willing to contribute to society in a positive way.

If we are to achieve this goal, we must start with improving ourselves. I started my journey towards self-improvement after my daughter’s birth. The greatest compliment that a father can get from his daughter is “I want to marry someone just like you.”

That kind of pressure forces you to examine your life and look for ways to improve.
Would any disagree?
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

I think these are great definitions and points.But it should be stated even though it's probably already known,every one has their own personal definition of what makes a real man and even what makes a real woman.
I like them all except 9.of course.you had to guess that;) In our relationship,SO and I,we protect and provide for each other.He could protect me physically if he had to do it and I protect him emotionally because he's sensitive and easily hurt.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

Corny I’m sure, but still good edicts by which a man should conduct himself. IMHO.

Boy Scout Law
A Scout is:
•Trustworthy,
•Loyal,
•Helpful,
•Friendly,
•Courteous,
•Kind,
•Obedient,
•Cheerful,
•Thrifty,
•Brave,
•Clean,
•and Reverent.​

Boy Scout Motto
Be Prepared!​

Boy Scout Slogan
Do a Good Turn Daily!​
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

That dude sounds pretty alpha to me ... ;)

For the most part now I just relegate the term 'alpha' to a collection of behaviors that is well summed up by those characteristics.

I much prefer the term 'be a better man' than 'be alpha'.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

Another great post SA. I especially like the picture and caption about romancing the same girl for the rest of her life. I guess that figures given my screen name!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

Thanks for sharing my "7 Traits of Real Men" post and for the insightful comments. I'm looking forward to having some engaging conversations about marriage and manhood.

Frederick J. Goodall
Mocha Dad
Mocha Dad
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
Facebook: Mocha Dad | Facebook
LinkedIn: Frederick Goodall | LinkedIn
E-Mail: [email protected]
Mochadad ~ I am so very confused.... how in the world did you find this thread of mine on the same day I posted it ?

And I hope it's OK I used your Blog link & words with a little spicing (with quotes)!!

I've thrown around the idea of doing a thread on this subject for some time....... when I found your Blog... it spoke EVERYTHING I was wanting to put down!

I hope you'll stick around & share some of your wisdom here at TAM. Your blog is awesome :smthumbup:...
I also enjoyed >>

25 Romantic Ideas for Valentine’s Day
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

SimplyAmorous...I find your posts works of art to be admired. Not only in content, but in presentation. :smthumbup: I can't help but smile when I see all of your "decorations"...the glittery things, the silly emoticons, the pictures, the word art.

Thank you for making me smile today...
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

Well I like the list and I think they should all be characteristics we men should strive for but in reality living each one every day is next to impossible. I like to think that I have enough self awareness to know which ones I come close to on a regular basis and which ones I need to work on to better myself.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

Sure they fall short & each could pinpoint their area of struggle....IF they are honest with themselves ...a little self awareness can be empowering (though it may be debilitating to some I suppose)... a man's Resiliance will bear that out.
I particularly liked what you wrote here and came to mind when I read the thread's title. Knowing one's limitations, and admitting his own failures, even if it's just to himself, taking that in his stride and making changes if needed; having self-awareness.

A real person is ...real. They're not perfect, they are flawed and real and continually learning.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

Yes SA. You can call it a real man and I will typically call exactly what you posted a man of quality or a man of substance. Same thing. Nice post. I totally agree with it.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

I much prefer the term 'be a better man' than 'be alpha'.
Agreed.

This thread is a nice breath of fresh air, and I agree with others, I'm sick and tired of hearing about the two alpha/beta extremes when the truth is that human beings are much more complicated then that.

Thanks SA
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

I like this as a definition much more than I do the alpha/beta deal. I think the alpha stuff is too interspersed with PU game crap, etc.
I have come to terms with both. I suggest to most men coming out of failed marriages with their heads spinning, and find themselves thrust back in to the dating world, to read a Pickup Artist book ... not to become pickup artists but to understand that without doubt, dating is a social dynamic. And if you are oblivious to social dynamics you aren't helping yourself. Being aware that they exist, to me, was/is a very important part of becoming an integrated male.

As I have stated numerous times; Be who you are; unless being who you are prevents you from getting where you want to go.
 

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Re: Characteristics of a REAL MAN, worthy of Praise & Honor - minus the Alpha/Beta de

I have come to terms with both. I suggest to most men coming out of failed marriages with their heads spinning, and find themselves thrust back in to the dating world, to read a Pickup Artist book ... not to become pickup artists but to understand that without doubt, dating is a social dynamic. And if you are oblivious to social dynamics you aren't helping yourself. Being aware that they exist, to me, was/is a very important part of becoming an integrated male.

As I have stated numerous times; Be who you are; unless being who you are prevents you from getting where you want to go.
I believe many of these men are NOT as you say being who they are. They are for whatever reasons repressing the man that they would be.

What SA describes is a man with positive alpha/beta traits. A good man and an alpha man are not the same thing at all. But as you point out many men who come here are supressing their own innate alpha qualities.

These are men whose primary mode has been skewed. There are many causes of this. It can happen over an extended period of time. Role models can be helpful. Many men become isolated. TAM is a resource for many men.

Some of us feel that the primary mode should be an emphasis on beta qualities but the ability to invoke levels of alphaness on demand. I think some men lose this ability. They may not be aware they were doing it. But it gets supressed.

Many men see issues in their marriage and make the wrong adjustments. Men are fixers. They want to believe they can control things. That if something did not work out well they can adjust themselves / adapt and make it all better. These men tend to do the wrong things. They take repsonsibility for issues an start losing self respect. They start upping their beta side and supressing the alpha even more.

This is why we talk alpha / beta. And frankly for me this is needed for men to speak with men to help guide them to the ideal that SA has posted. Sorry it bothers some. But really it is not for their consumption.

But what we see on TAM is skewed. Many men would never post on a site like this let alone ask directions. Other men are exceedingly selfish and apossibly abusive. We do tell some posters to do mire beta things. But again they are less likely to be posting here IMO. You have to have certain qualities as a man to even post here.

Men's hormones play into this a lot. We get older and we out on weight. That supresses testoterone. So we tell guys to get in shape to work on that and maybe more importantly improve their mental attitude. To gain self respect and confidence.

In the last 50 years we have been very focused with the evolution of women. All fine and good. But in educational settings and in the media we have seen men's roles skewed. This has an impact on our society.

There is also a real adaptation to take place. Many of us grew up being THE family provider. The family protector.
 
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