[keepmyfamily]

Have you or your spouse had feelings of indifference towards the other and the marriage was basically over and had that change with counseling and effort?

My husband was the one to suggest counseling and as soon as I agreed he said he was done and wanted no part of his family.

I'm just hoping the therapist will help him see that this isn't the best decision and that marriage's have ups and downs. But, my biggest fear is that he's so far gone in his own head.

I know a lot of this is depression, because up until 2-3 weeks ago I would have NEVER thought my husband would walk away from us. His family has always been his life.

 

[livelaughlovenow]

Could it be a midlife crisis? Affair? You mentioned depression, is that with you or him?

 

[keepmyfamily]

The depression is mainly him. He is claiming we are holding him back from what he really wants in life and he just doesn't care anymore.

I do get bouts of depression, but can bounce back pretty quick when things are going good. I have been having a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. But, I haven't told him, since he is having his own (bigger) issues.

I don't think he is having an affair. I have all his passwords, although he can have a hidden account. He answers my texts, but won't initiate any contact. And, our phones are able to locate each other.

He is stationed 2.5 hours from home, so he is only home on the weekends. The main people he hangs out with are either single, hate their families or cheat (sounds awesome, right?) While I am home taking care of our 4 kids, all of them high needs.

I told him that he was depressed and in a very dark place (saying he didn't care about us at all anymore- so, not him) and he blew me off. He said he wasn't going to go to the doctor, because as soon as it was in his record that he has depression, he'd be limited in what he can do. But, a few days later, he made that appointment. They referred him to a therapist first and if within a month or two, if he's still not feeling better they'll start him on meds. The soonest they were going to be able to get him in was the middle of next month and I pleaded with him to see if they could "rush" things and he told me to mind my own business- that was Sunday and now his first appointment is tomorrow. So, although, he's snapping at me, he's listening. Which I take as a good sign. But, he keeps telling me that nothing makes him happy anymore, he doesn't care about anything and that there is nothing left between us. Even though 2 weeks ago, he was all for MC and talking to me, etc.

This is so frustrating and my mind is spinning, so this may seem like one big jumbled mess.

 

[keepmyfamily]

Oh yeah, and our first MC appt. is this Saturday.

 

[SomeDamagedGoods]

The depression is mainly him. He is claiming we are holding him back from what he really wants in life and he just doesn't care anymore.

Definitely mid-life crisis. He's got sudden regrets and resents being "trapped."

It's good that you both can get to MC - that is a positive sign. Perhaps he recognizes that he is in MLC?

 

[oliviapeter31]

Yous should ask your husband to be honest to you. What is the MAIN REASON he want to do that. May be he has other woman or something else that cause him to make decision such as that.

 

[DayDream]

None of your business??? It certainly is. You're his wife.

He needs to get away from the cheating/single friends that are helping to push him toward a divorce. And it isn't good that he is only home for the weekends. Too much time away from the roost.

 

[keepmyfamily]

My short story is on here somewhere.

I had told him a few months ago that I needed more and I was tired of him blowing me off. He FINALLY starting making the smaller changes I was asking for about 3 weeks ago, which is when I agreed to counseling. the past 3 months has been spent fighting and not talking to each other/being short.

We stayed behind because of our house, the kids schools/dr's/specialists, etc. At first the job was great, we saw him all the time. Then they took on another commands work and now they work a lot.

I believe his depression comes from having his schedule go 2 weeks day shift/3ish weeks night shift, eating like crap, he went from physical work (which he loves) to manning a desk, not really liking the people he works with (high drama), and being away from us much more than we were expecting. Add all that in with us having problems and BAM! here we are. He's in the mind frame that life will be happy again as soon as he runs away.

As for none of by business. I said the same thing, it IS my business!

I read stories on here and our problems are so minimal compared to most. I'm just hoping as we go through therapy he starts to realize that marriage has it's ups and downs and you walk a fine line of love and hate.

 

[Ten_year_hubby]

Yes, this is definitely a crisis. Hopefully your husband can find his way to understand that feelings are a product of one's thoughts, not some kind of organic entity within themselves. Change your thinking and you will change your feelings. Simple as that.