[Mach2_1981]

First post here. I've been reading old threads about husbands getting fed up with their wives' cell phone usage. Glad to see I am not the only one reaching that point.

Before she got a smartphone we'd sit on the couch and watch tv together. She'd lay her head on me, and we'd watch our shows. It wasn't anything exciting, but it was nice and a good way to unwind. Then we had kids, and she stayed home. and the laying on each other waned after that, but we still hung out after i got home from work, so that was fine. Then she got on facebook. Oh man. It was like pandoras box. She never put her phone down after that. When I got home she was on it. During the day she was on it (she is a stay at home mom). Then the phone started infiltrating our couch time. Texting with friends, shopping on amazon, target etc. I called her out on it and said I wasnt happy with how much she is on her phone. Especially since I know she is on it a ton during the day. She got pissed but cutback on her usage. That was only temporary. Her usage has gotten worse. She now is at the point where she is carrying her phone around the house with her, listening to podcasts. They get annoying. She has them blasting in the kitchen when I get home from work. She listens to the one about Angela and Pam discussing old Office episodes. It's entertaining sometmes, but she literally walks around the house with it playing. Either that or watching some streaming video. I call it her walking soundtrack. Its like the real world isnt entertaining enough for her and she's more interested in the fake world that is social media. There have been times where I have talked to her and she has failed to respond because she was texting. Time to call her out on it again. Im not saying im the worlds perfect husband, i wouldnt do any of that stuff. Time to call her out on it again. Am I crazy?

 

[Livvie]

No

I also think it's time for her to get a full time job.

You are basically supporting her so she can entertain herself with her phone all day.

Getting a job, she'd actually be contributing to the family.

 

[theloveofmylife]

If you keep talking but she doesn't seem to be listening, maybe you need a new approach. Have you explained to her calmly that you feel like this is hurting the connection between you two? Does she understand that it is harming the marriage?

 

[Sfort]

You have a serious problem, and you are not alone. Don't underestimate the damage that this problem can cause to your marriage.

 

[happyhusband0005]

If you're trying to talk to her and she isn't listening because she's on her phone, just text her instead.

 

[Diana7]

If its badly affecting her being a mother or/and wife then you need to have a serious sit down conversation about it . I truly hope that she isnt ignoring your children to be on the phone.

 

[Sfort]

If you're trying to talk to her and she isn't listening because she's on her phone, just text her instead.

 

[Diceplayer]

My wife started spending more and more of our couch time on her IPad. It just slowly kept ramping up until one day I had had enough and I reached over and took it from her and explained how it was affecting our relationship. I told her that she needed to choose between our relationship or the damned device. I was kind of a shock and awe moment because I did it so suddenly. It can be an addiction and you need to treat it as such. You need to make sure that she understands how this is hurting your relationship and that there are consequences if she continues.

We have come to an understanding now. She gets some time on her IPad but when it's enough, I'll tell her that it's time to put it down and spend some time with me and she will. We also have a strict "no electronics" rule for date nights. You have to take action brother. This thing will only get worse by itself.

 

[theloveofmylife]

If you're trying to talk to her and she isn't listening because she's on her phone, just text her instead.

Lol!

 

[Mach2_1981]

My wife started spending more and more of our couch time on her IPad. It just slowly kept ramping up until one day I had had enough and I reached over and took it from her and explained how it was affecting our relationship. I told her that she needed to choose between our relationship or the damned device. I was kind of a shock and awe moment because I did it so suddenly. It can be an addiction and you need to treat it as such. You need to make sure that she understands how this is hurting your relationship and that there are consequences if she continues.

We have come to an understanding now. She gets some time on her IPad but when it's enough, I'll tell her that it's time to put it down and spend some time with me and she will. We also have a strict "no electronics" rule for date nights. You have to take action brother. This thing will only get worse by itself.

Great point. We had a moment similar to what you described, except I threw her phone onto a chair across the room. Tha.t's when she changed her behavior, bit only temporarily. It is time for me to remind her how I feel. I don't mind her socializing on it. That's how she stays in touch with her friends. But Jesus put the thing down. Look at the world around you. That's how I feel

 

[Laurentium]

It is an addiction. And I worry about the effect on babies of mothers doing all that vital eye contact with their phone instead of the baby.

 

[Gabriel]

Smart phones are the end of us, honestly. My wife and I are both addicted to it. We even spend half the time looking at our phones when watching TV, missing half of what's there.

We do a good job of not using them hardly at all when we are outside, though. When we sit on the porch or are dining al fresco we aren't using our phones.

But really, if only one party in a couple is doing this, it's a major issue. It's like we are now in WALL-E

 

[SunCMars]

Grab her phone and run......

Scoot into the bedroom and tape it to your hardly forgotten memory stick.

 

[notmyjamie]

That sounds like exactly the kind of thing to eventually cause a serious disconnect between you and your wife. I like to play on my phone sometimes too. BF mentioned it to me one night and said his exwife was like yours...constantly on the phone and ignoring him. He told me "when I first realized you like your social media too I got worried...but it's different...you share with me the things that you find and it leads to us laughing together or discussing a new topic and learning about each other." and he now does the same. After about an hour of scrolling "together" on our Facebooks we both kind of come to the same conclusion at about the same time that it's time to put it away as it's not entertaining us anymore.

I think it's time to have a serious heart to heart with your wife and tell her she is basically shutting you out of her life with her use of the phone. Is that what her goal is? Because if so, it's working and why make it so long and drawn out...just call a divorce lawyer now. Then maybe she'll see that you're serious about this...but she can't expect to completely disengage from you and expect you to not eventually want to find someone else to engage with in a more healthy way.

 

[Mach2_1981]

No

I also think it's time for her to get a full time job.

You are basically supporting her so she can entertain herself with her phone all day.

Getting a job, she'd actually be contributing to the family.

She does contribute a lot to the family, and her getting a job would hurt us more. We have small children and carting them to and from school, doing laundry, cleaning up the house, making dinner most nights...it's a lot. If I was in her shoes I'd probably take breaks and use my phone some times during the day. It's no different than our moms watching soap operas during the day when we were all growing up. I just think that she is addicted to it, and I am concerned she is using her phone as an escape for things she is not happy with in her life.

 

[Anastasia6]

Great point. We had a moment similar to what you described, except I threw her phone onto a chair across the room. Tha.t's when she changed her behavior, bit only temporarily. It is time for me to remind her how I feel. I don't mind her socializing on it. That's how she stays in touch with her friends. But Jesus put the thing down. Look at the world around you. That's how I feel

Ok that was the worst possible way to try to get her attention.

One it has violent connotations. Two when you are so upset that you throw things is not the time for an actual conversation. Three it had no effect. I mean she rightly thought oh he is pissed. But then you calmed down and she is back at it.

You need to have a sit down conversation at a calm time. You need to tell her how it is affecting your connection to her not just how it annoys you or how you don't like it. Talk about feelings. That you feel ignored. Watching TV is also a form of ignoring. Maybe you two need to plan better quality time together.

 

[Mach2_1981]

Smart phones are the end of us, honestly. My wife and I are both addicted to it. We even spend half the time looking at our phones when watching TV, missing half of what's there.

We do a good job of not using them hardly at all when we are outside, though. When we sit on the porch or are dining al fresco we aren't using our phones.

But really, if only one party in a couple is doing this, it's a major issue. It's like we are now in WALL-E

Yea. I mean I am guilty too. But I make a conscious effort to use my phone little if any, during our quality time. But even when we go out to dinner, she will check her phone. I call her out, not making a scene, and I can tell she is embarrassed when I catch her. Like she snaps out of her addiction for a fleeting moment, only to go back to it later.

I feel like sometimes men aren't allowed to complain about this stuff, and if I do, it shows weakness, or I'm needy. I know that is B.S., but it's hard to shake that mentality. I like quality time with the woman I married.

 

[Anastasia6]

Have you ever talked about wanting quality time?

How do you approach this conversation.
There is a big difference between.

"You are always on your phone and that's annoying"

"I miss just being with you. When you constantly check your phone it makes me feel like we aren't connected. I want us to have a strong marriage. Could you not use your phone from 8-10 when we have time together? What can I do to help with this connection?"

 

[Mach2_1981]

Ok that was the worst possible way to try to get her attention.

One it has violent connotations. Two when you are so upset that you throw things is not the time for an actual conversation. Three it had not effect. I mean she rightly thought oh he is pissed. But then you calmed down and she is back at it.

You need to have a sit down conversation at a calm time. You need to tell her how it is affecting your connection to her not just how it annoys you or how you don't like it. Take about feelings. That you feel ignored. Watching TV is also a form of ignoring. Maybe you two need to plan better quality time together.

Ok that was the worst possible way to try to get her attention.

One it has violent connotations. Two when you are so upset that you throw things is not the time for an actual conversation. Three it had not effect. I mean she rightly thought oh he is pissed. But then you calmed down and she is back at it.

You need to have a sit down conversation at a calm time. You need to tell her how it is affecting your connection to her not just how it annoys you or how you don't like it. Take about feelings. That you feel ignored. Watching TV is also a form of ignoring. Maybe you two need to plan better quality time together.

That is fair. I am working on not being so reactive when I am unhappy.

 

[Anastasia6]

That is fair. I am working on not being so reactive when I am unhappy.

Can't help but notice you aren't telling us what you have said on the subject.

other than I've called her out on it.

So how did this conversation go?