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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yesterday i caught my wife had watched her previous BF pics in FB.She was always cursing the guy with me but to see her watch the pics of the fellow made me think otherwise.He's also married & we've married for 4 years.Recently she told me that this guy called her office & asked how she was doing & on. And she told me she has told that she's very happy than she was with him & living a good life.But i doubt whether she is still thinking of the guy or maybe they're talking with each other again.This is not a kind of a problem when comparing with other posts in here but i need some advice on this.When i confront her she told me she just did it for her curiosity & nothing more than that.Would value some thoughts of others
 

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they are talking or they will be talkin anytime.

you are so lucky to have realised this early. I am not confident with my possible advice on this so I leave it to more experienced people. but certainly you have to stop this the right way before it happens.
 

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She probably hasn't fully found her closure yet, it's when it's "meh, don't really give a sh-t" when you know it's closed for good, not always cursing the guy or bringing him up. Does she do that with you?

But chances are, she was probably curious. I'm curious too at times when it comes to old lovers or friends - aren't you? Doesn't mean I think about them sexually at all but it's always interesting to see how others have moved on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
Thanks for the replies.I guess It's too early to find out whether if anything is happening between them.I trust her, but until i caught her she didn't told me that she checked him out in FB. (She has opened 3 windows & closed all tabs together).Since she told me he called her recently maybe because of that she may have checked his profile.I know it ain't a crime but she wouldn't think the same if she caught me watching my ExGF's pro in FB (I only had just 1 affair before i got married & i didn't really care what she was doing after she left me). I was not there at home on the night she watched his profile & now i doubt whether they chat with each other too.I tried to find a way to recover the deleted messages in FB to see if there's anything that i know is going on but failed.
 

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the slippery slope of infidelity

 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She should not be in contact with her ex socially!!!!!!!
And if she is doing so and not telling you its a BIG RED FLAG!!
Its disrespectful to you marriage and to you!
I agree with the fact that its disrespectful & so she has understand about it as well.I don't want to ruin my life or our marriage over this incident but what i can't stand is that she tried to hide it without telling me.I'm not into FACEBOOK & i personally think that's a piece of crap!!!..Why would you want to publicize of what you do with your personal life. I have some friends who keep a close company with me whereas my wife is more into facebook have less opportunity to meet her friends cuz she's from another state.She used to accept invitations from any jerk until i found that such a buger has chat her asking whether she likes to bed with him.I just removed all the unknown people from her profile & told her not to add anyone that she doesn't know personally. But recently also i found that she had accepted some F.requests from people who she doesn't know.
 

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I agree with the fact that its disrespectful & so she has understand about it as well.I don't want to ruin my life or our marriage over this incident but what i can't stand is that she tried to hide it without telling me.I'm not into FACEBOOK & i personally think that's a piece of crap!!!..Why would you want to publicize of what you do with your personal life. I have some friends who keep a close company with me whereas my wife is more into facebook have less opportunity to meet her friends cuz she's from another state.She used to accept invitations from any jerk until i found that such a buger has chat her asking whether she likes to bed with him.I just removed all the unknown people from her profile & told her not to add anyone that she doesn't know personally. But recently also i found that she had accepted some F.requests from people who she doesn't know.
Randy,
Those are NOT healthy signs.
She is hiding her online stuff from you.
Why should you have to tell her stop chatting with random strangers on Facebook who wants to have sex with her?
Your wife seems to be searching for sexual stimulation outside of marriage. She's walking in quicksand.
Is she bored ?
How is the sex between both of you?
Maybe there are issues in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
But you need to pull the plug on that Facebook thing.
 

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Only you and your wife know all the dynamics of your relationship. You indicate you trust her yet you feel it necessary to delete people you don't feel should be in her friend list on Facebook.
Many on this forum speak from bitter experience of betrayal and so the slightest action may be grounds for suspect motives and monitoring behavior and checking up. But those actions are often the beginnings of mistrust and growing alienation.
For every negative, broken relationship that breeds future tendencies to closely watch for any signs that might be interpreted as straying in future relationships, there are many more where trust does exist and both partners have a fair amount of freedom in their actions because each knows the other will not wander.
Looking up people including old boy friends on Facebook can simply be curiosity and nothing more.
Be careful your trust does not turn to distrust and your suspicions don't fuel a self- fulfilling prophecy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Only you and your wife know all the dynamics of your relationship. You indicate you trust her yet you feel it necessary to delete people you don't feel should be in her friend list on Facebook.
Many on this forum speak from bitter experience of betrayal and so the slightest action may be grounds for suspect motives and monitoring behavior and checking up. But those actions are often the beginnings of mistrust and growing alienation.
For every negative, broken relationship that breeds future tendencies to closely watch for any signs that might be interpreted as straying in future relationships, there are many more where trust does exist and both partners have a fair amount of freedom in their actions because each knows the other will not wander.
Looking up people including old boy friends on Facebook can simply be curiosity and nothing more.
Be careful your trust does not turn to distrust and your suspicions don't fuel a self- fulfilling prophecy.
Thank you Maneo.. I'm not going to carry this forward as i have decided to tell her the facts & end the issue.As i believe she is a women who knows what's right & what's wrong.I'll just leave what happened & will try to stay without suspecting her (I know this is the hard part but will try to thinking of my family)
 

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Said it before and I will say it again, social networking will be the downfall of humanity or might possibly bring on the impending zombie apocalypse (half joking).
 

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I think it's natural to have curiosity. She shared part of her life with that person, why not wonder on occasion how they're doing? I know I do. If it helps, I have never had cause to think anything different than, "Boy, sure am glad I'm not with THEM anymore!" when I've looked in on old flames.

It seems to me that, rather than hate and fear the past that created the person you now love, it might be less stressful to acknowledge the importance of that past and appreciate the fact that her choice is you.

As for not wanting to tell you she was looking, I can say that if my husband decided to start deleting friends on my Facebook page, I'd be a lot less inclined to involve him in that part of my life.
 

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Randy

There is no privacy in a marriage. Her FB page and everything else should be an open book to you. And everything you have should be open to her. My wife and I both have FB pages. She is not allowed to have anyone on her page that I do not approve of and I don't have anyone that she doesn't approve of. Its really as simple as that. Respect both ways. Respect for each other and each other's boundaries. Without respect there can be no marriage.
 

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I think it's natural to have curiosity. She shared part of her life with that person, why not wonder on occasion how they're doing? I know I do. If it helps, I have never had cause to think anything different than, "Boy, sure am glad I'm not with THEM anymore!" when I've looked in on old flames.

It seems to me that, rather than hate and fear the past that created the person you now love, it might be less stressful to acknowledge the importance of that past and appreciate the fact that her choice is you.

As for not wanting to tell you she was looking, I can say that if my husband decided to start deleting friends on my Facebook page, I'd be a lot less inclined to involve him in that part of my life.
This. ^

But if you start dictating what she can and cannot do - on FB or otherwise, that could change.
 

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I get curious about my exes from time to time. I can honestly say, it is 100% curiousity. My wife has her first love on FB. She said if I was uncomfortable, she would take him off her friends list. I don't care based on the fact that i have no sucpision regading their involvment on FB. We also have each other's password and share mobile devices, so I have no concerns what so ever.
 

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Am I the only one who sees no problem with someone looking at someone's Facebook page? Hell, I'm FRIENDS with 3 of my exs on Facebook. I'm really glad my husband trusts me and is secure in our relationship.

OP, please don't make something out of nothing.
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If you continue to question her on this you might only succeed at pushing her away or making yourself appear needy and jealous. I suggest you put a keylogger on her computer and find out if they are communicating. When or if you get hard evidence then confront her.
 
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