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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Me and my husband have been together 6 years and married for almost 3 this coming Feb. Yay for us. I really want to have a baby very soon. I'm 25, almost done with college and have been at my current job for almost 6 years and I do decent. He has been at his job for a little longer. He basically took a bit of a pay cut because I went on his insurance. My insurance was crap basically and his is blue cross blue shield. I pay mostly rent and the light bill, car insurance and I help pay for some food. He pays basically everything else which all in all I think I pay more, but whatever we are married it OUR money. I am in desperate need of a new car soon and he got his new car about 2 years ago. We have been trying to save for a house. My store closed last month and I had to be transferred to a different store. My tips haven't been as great sadly so I'm not making as much as I was. He is very worried that we wont have enough for a baby and a house and yadda yadda. I was basically making enough to where I could save a good amount a month. Now I wont be saving as much. We like to splurge every now and then, but not every day. I still go to school and I mostly stay home. I really don't want to get a 2nd job, but if I have to I will. I've done it before. His hours are never steady enough for a 2nd job so him having one is a no go.

Now here is the real problem. We don't have as much sex when hes stressed about stuff, therefore I'm not even getting pregnant to have this baby I (we) want. I'm just getting so frustrated because at this rate I'll never be rich enough to have a baby and a house. I have seen people whose worse off then us with kids and a decent house. I've been stuck in our apartment for 4 years. Help! :scratchhead:


(sorry it's kinda long)...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I guess what I'm asking is, if I get pregnant soon, which I want to, is it unrealistic and too expensive if we don't have career paying jobs? Do people really do alright on just waitressing jobs? Sorry I know I kind of rambled. And I guess my other question is how to get my husband to stop over worrying so we can have sex more? I have so many friends who accidentally got pregnant and are not married which is fine, I'm not bashing. But I am married with my guy for a long time and still no baby. I feel like we don't have enough sex.
 

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Well, I got pregnant when I was a waitress married to a guy who was making about $35 a week working 4 hours at a junkyard and going to school. He got work the same month our first child was born, and we eked by, but if I could have a do-over, I'd have preferred to wait.

I went on to have two more, and when we split, I went on welfare for a few months and finally decided to join the Army rather than live that way, which meant giving custody over to him.

A baby *is* a huge financial strain on a marriage. The "little somethings" you spend on now that help keep you bonded to your partner can disappear quickly.

And for men, I think it's rougher than it is on women. Men are taught to be providers from a young age even in these modern times. They see themselves as protectors who oversee their family's well-being, and if he doesn't believe he's able to meet the family's needs it can have a HUGE impact on a whole lotta stuff - his self-image, your relationship, how he interacts with the baby. Just not worth the strain in my opinion, but everyone is entitled to their own values.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well I think our communication skills are improving. We just made love 3 times in a session :) Anyways I know we will be fine. I was just frustrated. Still thinking I'll shoot for a baby in the near future. We'll make it work.
 

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No offense, but if you're scraping by now, how are you going to handle it when you've got a kid and child care on top of that? Do the two of you have a plan, like 2 and 5 year goals?

There may not be a good time to have kids, but given a choice, some times are worse than others.

C
 
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