[Creedence]

Hi, i am 21 and divorced single father,i ended my marriage when i found my wife posting sex for money on craiglist,it was just me and my son for awhile when an angel just fell into my life and i was instantly smitten,she is sweet,caring,loving,sexually adventurous,funny,witty,beautiful and just someone you wanna be around,i am having trouble trusting her even tho she hasnt given me cause for concern,i believe it has to do with my past relationships and family,my mom left when i was 1,my dad was a horrible parent,taking me to drug deals and all of that,i ran away when i was 16 and been on my own basically since,because of my bad past relaionships and the fact that everyone that "loved"me or was supposed too,left or abused it,i cant trust my new gf even tho she is perfect for me and my son LOVES her,i cant shake the seeds of doubt that i have,the main problem may be the fact that she was with 5 guys sexually before me and 1 being a one night stand,i dont feel like im anything special if shes given herself to that many men thinking she was in love and was engaged too one,idk why i cant get past it but its not sexual performance doubts cause i do pretty well in that area,and she has told me i am the best shes had and i believe her cause shes had 9 powerful orgasms in 1 day before...i just cant get past the other guys and my past..any help?i know i kinda rambled

 

[Thoreau]

I would suggest getting acquainted with periods.

How long have you been divorced?

How long is the current relationship?

How old is the child?

Are you sure the child is yours?

 

[Creedence]

about 7 months ago
he is a year old
about 4 months now
and yes he is mine i have a RARE eye color and he has them too

 

[Dollystanford]

you were divorced 7 months ago, you've already been in a relationship for four months and you're 21 - dude go out and have some FUN!!!

 

[keepsmiling]

Yes, those nasty seeds of doubt do follow you into a new relationship, even when the person hasn't done anything to 'deserve' it. You can tell her how you feel, but don't go on too much, or you'll spoil it for both of you. As hard as it is, the past should stay in the past, this is a new woman who seems wonderful for you, and as you know, we are not all psycho/gold digging/wh*res, I promise! Don't dwell on those seeds - all it is is you trying to protect yourself. Time will tell you if you need protecting from this lady, because if in a few months she is still all she seems to be and treats you well, you'll have your answer. Just ease into the relationship gently and open your heart slowly. All the best.

 

[Creedence]

i dated around for awhile,my divorce got finalized 7 months ago

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

You would do well to GO SLOWLY.

You already acknowledge that YOU come with A LOT of baggage. You KNOW that you are NOT knowledgeable about good healthy relationships. You do NOT want to be an immature unreliable person where your son is concerned.

Please get into some Individualized Counseling. Contact your city/county's health department for REFERRALS to free, low-cost, or sliding-scale (payments based on what YOU can AFFORD) counseling.

You have EVERY REASON to trust your own lack of experience in this area of your life. The fact that YOU ARE CONCERNED ENOUGH to seek advice because you want a healthy, stable, loving homelife for your son, speaks VOLUMES ABOUT THE KIND OF MAN YOU ARE. Good for you trying to make better choices for your son than were made for you.

Please BE THE MAN HE NEEDS and SEEK REAL, honest-to-God PROFESSIONAL help. He will THANK YOU for it and you will have peace of mind that you ARE the man your son deserves.

Please do NOT live with this girlfriend UNTIL you have gotten some thereapy. If she is already living with you, suggest politely that you two RUSHED INTO a relationship without being incredibly prepared. Although YOU might be willing to deal with the fall-out, are you ready for your SON to deal with the fall-out if this relationship blows up because you two were ill-prepared?

You're VERY YOUNG. PLEASE, please, please do NOT be in such a hurry to find a 'forever' love. They are very rare! Help yourself AND YOUR SON by growing up as a MAN before you worry about growing up as a boyfriend/lover/husband/etc.

Wishing you and your son MUCH HAPPINESS in the coming years!

 

[Creedence]

Wiser
i did seek help not to long ago,and i was told i have ptsd from my time in the military.but as the sessions went on they seemed to help less and less and felt like i wasnt make progress anymore

 

[MrK]

Wiser
i did seek help not to long ago,and i was told i have ptsd from my time in the military.

Divorced once.
1 year old child.
Military trauma.
Your childhood.
And your only 21.

I am NO FAN of counseling, but you need to talk to someone else. If that one doesn't work, someone else. I've had one therapist and it was a waste. Many people swear by theirs. You need to find a good one that works for you. 'Baggage" doesn't even BEGIN address your issues.

 

[TBT]

Wiser
i did seek help not to long ago,and i was told i have ptsd from my time in the military.but as the sessions went on they seemed to help less and less and felt like i wasnt make progress anymore

Did you get into any FOO issues? I lived a somewhat similar early life and for many years thought relationships would never last for me and would unconsciously go about pushing them in that direction....didn't view myself as too worthwhile in those days.

 

[Creedence]

therapy did help a bit, when i first got out of the military i had trouble experiancing any emotion besides anger,i was either angry or not and thats it,i got better after therapy and the birth of my son,i have made strides with my past, i dont contact any of my siblings or parents to that has helped alot too

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

Creedence:

GLAD to hear you got some therapy. I still think more would not hurt you. Have you tried connecting with someone OLDER than you who are NOT relatives with whom you could build a family-type relationship? You and your son will BOTH need emotional and sometimes ACTUAL back-up as time rolls by.

I am NOT suggesting you try to mend fences with your family. You are a GOOD judge of just how toxic they would be. Maybe older neighbors or parents of a friend might be a good sounding board for you to bounce ideas off of (both about dating AND about parenting).

 

[Creedence]

I wud get more but i take care of my son all the time expect when i work or if my gf comes over she spoiles him,i gave up a promotion to take care and be with my son and gave up my social life,im surprised she went for it but i told my gf from the start my son came first