From the substance abuse to actually abusing and hitting her, it sounds like you need individual counceling for self-control issues PERIOD. And I'm being dead serious.
You can't suck it up because it hurts and really, from the sounds of it, it is probably mostly your fault. That's a tough pill to swallow. It would be easier to believe it is all her and she's just selfish, but be a grown-up and take responsibility for what you have messed up in life. It takes two.
I say start with personal counceling and make a strong effort to practice self-control. You need it.
You can't suck it up because it hurts and really, from the sounds of it, it is probably mostly your fault. That's a tough pill to swallow. It would be easier to believe it is all her and she's just selfish, but be a grown-up and take responsibility for what you have messed up in life. It takes two.
I say start with personal counceling and make a strong effort to practice self-control. You need it.