[Captain Sorrow]

First,I was really glad to find this site..it looks very supportive..I just got kicked out by my wife of 23 years the day before Thanksgiving..All I want to do is hear her voice...I call her every half hour at her job,she hangs up,and is threatening to file Stalker charges...she says she's filing for divorce as soon as she can. We've had a ton of problems throughout our relationship,including substance abuse and me hitting/abusing her while drunk..not all the time,but even one time is too many...what I would like to hear is coping strategies for dealing with the urge/desire to call,to see her,to go over there..
I know it's fresh,less than a week old,and in between periods of grief and loss,I kinda wishy/washy back and forth,between "PLEASE call me,I love you!",and "Eff her she doesnt deserve me!"..I feel like a 43 year old infant for my lack of self control...why can't I just suck it up? Any help is appreciated.

 

[DayDream]

From the substance abuse to actually abusing and hitting her, it sounds like you need individual counceling for self-control issues PERIOD. And I'm being dead serious.

You can't suck it up because it hurts and really, from the sounds of it, it is probably mostly your fault. That's a tough pill to swallow. It would be easier to believe it is all her and she's just selfish, but be a grown-up and take responsibility for what you have messed up in life. It takes two.

I say start with personal counceling and make a strong effort to practice self-control. You need it.

 

[daisygirl 41]

You sir, need professional help! You obviously have many issues.
Leave her alone and go sort yourself out!
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[Chris Taylor]

^What DayDream said.

You have to fix yourself before you have any hope in fixing your marriage.

 

[Ostera]

Dude, if you have alcohol issues you need to check in to rehab.. might as well, you got no place to go. After 23 years maybe if you sober up your wife might take you back.. but you have to fix YOU first.

 

[Captain Sorrow]

This is totally correct,it was mostly my fault..her flaws were few indeed compared to mine..admitting that,and the realization that it's actually over,and nothing will change that,and that she deserves her own life the way she wants it,was step one..step two was expressing my remorse and pain on a site like this,step three is counseling..I'll find a way,to change me for me,and make me a better man for myself,...I have to.

 

[CH]

This is totally correct,it was mostly my fault..her flaws were few indeed compared to mine..admitting that,and the realization that it's actually over,and nothing will change that,and that she deserves her own life the way she wants it,was step one..step two was expressing my remorse and pain on a site like this,step three is counseling..I'll find a way,to change me for me,and make me a better man for myself,...I have to.

Many people say those pretty words, not many follow through with them. Hopefully you do clean yourself up.

 

[DayDream]

Yes. Do yourself proud. Follow through.