[ConfusedHelp1]

My wife was not who I was thought she was. Her personality is some one that now clashes with mine on many views. If we had a child I know that we would not be able to agree on how to raise them. When we first were together we agreed on children but since the change I can't see it happening. If anyone has experienced anything like this I would love to hear how you handled it.

 

[Faithful Wife]

I'm glad you are seeing this BEFORE having a child.

 

[lifeistooshort]

Could you give some examples?
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[hambone]

Assuming you want to have kids.... I'd move on..

 

[ConfusedHelp1]

I don't even know where to start. How things have changed.
Well she has become a very angry person. She isolates herself from friends or people other than myself, but blames them and not herself. Anytime she makes a new friend she immediately finds a reason to dislike them and then gets very angry with that person. If I don't side with her she cries and generally raises her voice towards me for not agreeing with her, but I won't just back her up in private if I believe she is in the wrong. She always makes decisions without thinking of the consequences. Over the time I have been with her she doesn't seem to think things through till the end. She also used to be super motivated and have goals and ambitions. Now she can barely hold a job for two months without finding something to complain about or just stop showing up to work. She has a addiction problem I discovered too. It started with ciggs, but now alcohol has become a problem, and prescription pills(ones that are prescribed to her and ones she bought of family members...), and drugs in the past. She plays video games roughly 8-10 hours a day. These are things that developed since we have been together and I just find it hard wanting to raise a child knowing I have these things to deal with that I don't want my child subjected to.

 

[Mavash.]

OH MY WORD.

Yes those are not the traits of a good mother.

Be grateful you figured this out BEFORE you got her pregnant.

So what's the plan? Are you leaving or staying?

 

[SimplyAmorous]

Just curious how long you dated .. was any signs there ... and what has happened to suddenly put her on this road of self destruction with all these "addictions"...

Does she have any mental issues...that need addressed ...any in her family?

She needs some help overcoming here.. or yes, best to get out now ....No kids... it would be a recipe for disaster...for all.

 

[ConfusedHelp1]

I don't know. Now I realize I'm not perfect either. But I wouldn't know how to end it. She has cut herself twice in our marriage after fights and I fear she would go more extreme if it came to ending it.

 

[ConfusedHelp1]

We dated for about a year but we have known each other since middle school. She does have a prescription for depression. Her family is a black hole of drama and substance abuse. But before we got married she was a complete opposite of her family. She didn't resemble them in any way. Now, its like she is a spitting image of them. I realize this should of been a flag but I was ignorant and in love.

 

[Mavash.]

Okay so now you know she's just like her family.

What are YOU going to do about it?

I'm guessing she isn't interested in breaking the cycle.

 

[ConfusedHelp1]

She talks about it. She verbally has good intentions... But her actions speak volumes. I am going to get us counseling and see where that goes..

 

[Prodigal]

She talks about it. She verbally has good intentions... But her actions speak volumes. I am going to get us counseling and see where that goes..

Here's the thing; you realize she doesn't walk the walk. Do not listen to what she says, because talk is cheap.

You mentioned she is from a family of substance abusers. She may not abuse drugs or alcohol, but she certainly exhibits the behaviors of an addict.

Counseling will help you. It will not change her. Only she can change herself.

So, from what you have posted, I assume you are going to stick it out with this woman. Counseling will hopefully allow you to explore why you should seriously consider leaving.

I'm married to an alcoholic. I walked out almost four years ago. I listened to enough b.s. to sink a battleship.

And it made my physically ill to stay in such an unhealthy relationship. Generally the bottom line in this type of situation is to get out or get dragged under.

 

[ConfusedHelp1]

Man I planned on coming here to get shot into the ground for thinking the way I do... I guess I will leave it to counseling to show me which way to go.

 

[scatty]

I would suggest rehab. Someone addicted to alcohol and pills needs help. If she cuts herself, call 911 if she won't get help. She has serious issues that need to be dealt with before even thinking about having kids.

 

[inquizitivemind]

Im sorry to hear about your situation. You really need to encourage her to get help. If you come from a family of abusers, the tendencies can be hard to overcome. Perhaps stresses unknown to you in her life caused her to start changing and seeking out the pills and alcohol. If she won't get help, then you need to leave. Maybe you leaving might make her realize how bad she is. If you are that worried about her killing herself, then you need to talk to a therapist. If I thought my husband was going to kill himself for any reason, I would want him to get help immediately.