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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband of 28years tells me he wants to be with another women. I have been with him since I was 18, he is my only man I have been with. We have children together. I dont know how to continue without him. Even though he has told me he has had sex with her and he left me for a week I still want him. I wish I could be strong and tell him to go forever but I just want him to stay with me so much.
I thought we had a good marriage so he has taken me completely by surprise.
 

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So sorry.

We wait for these Threads and then fully wet them with our tears.
 

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Your post is sad to read. It's terrible what he has done to you, but what incentive does he have to stop? Unfortunately, your self image is so low that he can do anything he wants, and you're willing to accept it. Get into individual counseling to work on your self image. Good luck.
 

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My husband of 28years tells me he wants to be with another women. I have been with him since I was 18, he is my only man I have been with. We have children together. I dont know how to continue without him. Even though he has told me he has had sex with her and he left me for a week I still want him. I wish I could be strong and tell him to go forever but I just want him to stay with me so much.
I thought we had a good marriage so he has taken me completely by surprise.
Did he give any indication of why he strayed from the marriage?
 

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That is so sad, I feel for you so much.
What he has done is appalling after all these years, what a terrible betrayal.
All I can say is that you will make it through like so many others have.
I hope you have support from family or friends and a counsellor will help.

Begging him to stay if he isn't prepared to give her up completely and work on the marriage is sadly pointless. You have to let him go. How long Ng has it been going on? Is she a work colleague?

How are your children? Are they still at home?
 

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I'm so sorry. This is heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, the worst possible thing you can do is beg him to stay or even let him come back, without consequences. If you do these things, he will either just leave or continue to cheat.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Your post is sad to read. It's terrible what he has done to you, but what incentive does he have to stop? Unfortunately, your self image is so low that he can do anything he wants, and you're willing to accept it. Get into individual counseling to work on your self image. Good luck.
I have tried to go to counselling but I can't afford it so I have to wait until May for a free one.
My husband is a narcissist so all through our years together he has made me feel worthless so now I dont have the confidence to live without him. I hate myself for being so weak. I know
I am mentally broken to the point that I have no strength to get through this alone. We lived life for our kids and each other so I dont even have friends to lean on and I dont won't to keep burdening my kids with my problems because they are effected by this as well.
 

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I have tried to go to counselling but I can't afford it so I have to wait until May for a free one.
My husband is a narcissist so all through our years together he has made me feel worthless so now I dont have the confidence to live without him. I hate myself for being so weak. I know
I am mentally broken to the point that I have no strength to get through this alone. We lived life for our kids and each other so I dont even have friends to lean on and I dont won't to keep burdening my kids with my problems because they are effected by this as well.
Do you have any other family? Parents? Siblings? Sounds as if you must get away from him fir your own good.
 

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I have tried to go to counselling but I can't afford it so I have to wait until May for a free one.
My husband is a narcissist so all through our years together he has made me feel worthless so now I dont have the confidence to live without him. I hate myself for being so weak. I know
I am mentally broken to the point that I have no strength to get through this alone. We lived life for our kids and each other so I dont even have friends to lean on and I dont won't to keep burdening my kids with my problems because they are effected by this as well.
I don't want to sound like I know what I'm talking about, but opening up in this forum is a good first step. You're talking things out with people who have not only been there but who care about actual strangers. I've spent hours here the last couple of days, and the problems that brought me here are rather minimal and manageable at the moment. Vent here. Open up. There are people here who are probably qualified to be counselors (not me.) You have to be ready for good and bad comments.

You are not worthless. You're a loving, dedicated mother who believes in being true and faithful to her marriage. Don't burden your kids with it. Let us try to help. Be patient and work hard. You will be happy again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
That is so sad, I feel for you so much.
What he has done is appalling after all these years, what a terrible betrayal.
All I can say is that you will make it through like so many others have.
I hope you have support from family or friends and a counsellor will help.

Begging him to stay if he isn't prepared to give her up completely and work on the marriage is sadly pointless. You have to let him go. How long Ng has it been going on? Is she a work colleague?

How are your children? Are they still at home?
Apparently 4 months. He said he met her at a bus stop but I dont believe that at all. My kids range in age from 25 to 11. Only my son knows about the other women, my girls already hate him for how he treats me so if they knew about the other women they would completely disown him. My 11 year old is hurting but try's to be strong for me.
I dont have any friends to talk to and I have to wait to see a counsellor because I cant afford to pay for one.
It is such a mess he has broken me mentally and I just don't have the confidence to start again. I joined a gym hoping to meet people but I can't even bring myself to go back after one visit which was my sign up visit.
I know I am weak and I need to get tough for me too heal but it just feels too hard
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Do you have any other family? Parents? Siblings? Sounds as if you must get away from him fir your own good.
I have my mother and sister to talk to. I know I need to tell him to go but I honestly don't think I can do life without him. I hate saying that because I always thought I was strong and would say if he ever cheated on me that would be the end of our marriage but instead I am doing everything I can to make him want to stay.
I hate the person I have become
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I don't want to sound like I know what I'm talking about, but opening up in this forum is a good first step. You're talking things out with people who have not only been there but who care about actual strangers. I've spent hours here the last couple of days, and the problems that brought me here are rather minimal and manageable at the moment. Vent here. Open up. There are people here who are probably qualified to be counselors (not me.) You have to be ready for good and bad comments.

You are not worthless. You're a loving, dedicated mother who believes in being true and faithful to her marriage. Don't burden your kids with it. Let us try to help. Be patient and work hard. You will be happy again.
I hope so. I just want my old life back. I hate him for doing this to me and my family. I was always a good wife I thought. I tried to not nag, he smokes and gambles. He has everything he wants but still wants more.
 

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I hope so. I just want my old life back. I hate him for doing this to me and my family. I was always a good wife I thought. I tried to not nag, he smokes and gambles. He has everything he wants but still wants more.
You might want to shoot higher than your old life, such as a life without a husband who has everything but still wants more. So, keep posting here. Get things off your chest. TAM unleashes the power of the Internet. You have an amazing group of people at your disposal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Smoking and gambling requires money.

Money that could be used for counseling.
Wish that was an option. If I deprive him if his luxuries I'm the worst in the world. I only bring a little bit of money into the household each week so I feel like I cant ask when he is working at least 55 hours a week for us.
He also thinks counseling is a waste of time.
 

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So, just TAKE the money out of the account. You aren't depriving him of CRAP -- he has been denying YOU a good husband. Stop this -- it is time for YOU now. HIS needs make NO difference anymore.
GET to the gym -- you need that physical exercise to counteract some of the mental and emotional stress -- that is important for you.
Start doing the 180 with him:
180 for Betrayed Spouses

This is to help YOU detach from him -- to get "you" back and start getting away from being "his wife".
You CAN do this. Find your anger with him -- use that anger to start working yourself AWAY from the idea of him.
 
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