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Get the book "Divorce Busting", read it.

Pay special attention to the chapter on changing the environment. You need to shake things up 'cause right now he's stuck in a place where he is very comfortable, so he does not really understand how serious this all is. After all, if it's all ok for him, what's our problem? :)
EleGirl what do you mean by shake things up? We have spoke and he has agreed to make some changes with himself to try and improve things. But it's kind of like I've heard it all before. We've made a plan but i don't have a clue how serious he is. I am afraid to write on here incase he can read it all. It would be so obvious it is me.
Look up that book she suggested.

It is a good tip if it is what I'm thinking.
 

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EleGirl what do you mean by shake things up?
The book will answer that question... the chapter about changing the environment. It's explained much better in the book than I can do here in a post.

We have spoke and he has agreed to make some changes with himself to try and improve things. But it's kind of like I've heard it all before. We've made a plan but i don't have a clue how serious he is. I am afraid to write on here incase he can read it all. It would be so obvious it is me.
It's pretty typical for a talk like that to have little to no long term effect. A lot of us have been there, done that.

Does he know that you are posting here?
 

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I am sorry to read that. Maybe his age is the cause of lack of interest in me? I have never asked an older person if they have sex...i remember years ago thinking about Catherine Zeta Jone with Michael Douglas and wondering what on earth goes on there. Maybe that's part of why they separated? I love my husband but he is more of a security and comfort for me. There is little attraction to him, he hardly makes an effort, but my honesty and loyalty is strong. I even had to battle with myself about posting on here. I decided if I can write on Facebook support groups for parents with disabled children and help them then maybe I can write and get support for myself.
My Mrs. Is 60 Sunday and loves regular sex.

Michael Douglas caught a certain type of cancer that can be transmitted by giving a cheating woman oral sex.

He blamed his wife and divorced her. He obviously was still having sex with her regardless of if she cheated or not.
 

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Too much to mention, bad back is main part. He takes Isosorbide heart medication which the hospital have said can cause issues, also has high cholesterol. He takes venlafaxine. If he addresses his weight and diet he may be able to reduce medications. Also on a huge dose of gabapentin instead of the morphine. He needs to stop smoking but he says he can't.
He should avoid Viagra. https://www.drugs.com/drug-interactions/isosorbide-mononitrate-with-viagra-1401-0-2061-1352.html

Also, he needs to make sure that he eats no grapefruit as that not good with Isosorbide, either.

Does he have anxiety or depression? I ask only bevause of the Venlafaxine which is an antidepressant.

https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/venlafaxine/

Pity he can't stop smoking. Has he tried e-cigarettes as a way of tapering off his nicotine habit?

Morphine can be a problem. I was hooked on prescription codeine for several years, so I'm aware of that class of drug.
 

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You're confusing your problem.

Your problem is that you're unsatisfied in your marriage.

His problem is that he can't get it up and is disinterested in satisfying you when he can't, or making the lifestyle changes required to potentially resolve the issue.

Make your intention clear: "Husband, I am dissatisfied with my sex life. Monogamy comes at a cost of prioritizing my pleasure along with your own. You may be fine living celibately, but I'm not. Your options are to get it fixed, pleasure me if you can't or don't want to, I seek satisfaction elsewhere, or we divorce. That's my order of preference. Pick one."

As Ele said, he's comfortable and you're not. So he has zero motivation to change. Time to make him uncomfortable by facing reality: he has a younger wife, is overweight, smokes, can't get it up, doesn't pleasure you, and is lazy. That may be harsh, but that is the reality you're describing.
 

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Maybe in 5 years I won't care about sex, love or affection anymore? I have honestly had a crap sex life for about 12 years, im depressed about it. I actually dream about meeting a divorcee who has time on his hands lol.
Maybe you won't care about sex in five years, but that's a long shot. Life is short and to deny yourself the pleasure you rightfully desire is just plain wrong. I realize it's hard to leave, but you are dissatisfied with the current situation. Sounds like your husband has no real desire/motivation to change.

At this point, I'd say you issue an ultimatum. He either gets with the program by making a sincere effort, or you file. Please be aware that not following through on an ultimatum puts you in a position of weakness.

Do you think you'd be willing to risk losing the marriage? He may decide to make the necessary effort if he realizes you are ready to walk.
 
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