Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 53 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,968 Posts
Hi, I’ve come along to seek advice on how to cope with being married to a man who has impotence issues. We have been together for 15 years. In the last 5 years he’s had issues and they’ve got more complicated as time’s gone on, tried everything, now to a point where he never initiates sex. I do, he ignores me. I’m 20 years younger, we have children and I’m sad and frustrated. What on earth do I do?
How old is he and has he sought medical advise?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,753 Posts
Have his testrotone checked probably low, and once on if erection issues get him the blue pill or the like. The T will help with desire and the other self explanatory.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jlg07 and st5555

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
5,451 Posts
Hi, I’ve come along to seek advice on how to cope with being married to a man who has impotence issues. We have been together for 15 years. In the last 5 years he’s had issues and they’ve got more complicated as time’s gone on, tried everything, now to a point where he never initiates sex. I do, he ignores me. I’m 20 years younger, we have children and I’m sad and frustrated. What on earth do I do?
You mentioned he's 20 years older than you and you've been married 15 years.
That would mean he's over 55 but it's really important to know generally know his age. The advice you'll get may be different for a 55 year old versus a 70 a year old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,516 Posts
Hi, I’ve come along to seek advice on how to cope with being married to a man who has impotence issues. We have been together for 15 years. In the last 5 years he’s had issues and they’ve got more complicated as time’s gone on, tried everything, now to a point where he never initiates sex. I do, he ignores me. I’m 20 years younger, we have children and I’m sad and frustrated. What on earth do I do?
Vegan.:grin2:
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
5,451 Posts
He’s 61 and yes seen specialist a few times over the years. Had Viagra and alike in the past, had something go wrong, sudden bruising causing it to be bent over 2 years ago, they said nothing they can do. Was offered a pump, it didn’t work for him and this year offered some injection thing at low dose it didn’t work. He wouldn’t bother Persevering or asking if he can try a higher dose. I’ve tried everything I can, I flirt, try it on. Lost weight, started running, had a tummy tuck and really made an effort but nothing. It’s sad, as we are a family and the kids love Dad but I’m really struggling getting no attention at all off him. I’ve talked until I’ve cried and he says he understands but he does nothing. I feel like my life is over.
Would he and you be open to him pleasing you sexually even if he can't get an erection?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,516 Posts
😂 Not had sex in maybe 18 month....obvs have helped myself a bit but it’s not the same, gets boring!!
I was actually suggesting a lifestyle change for him.

He would have to be motivated however.

I'm about 12 years younger than your husband but recently changed to a vegan diet and, while I wasn't experiencing Ed, the diet almost immediately gave me far more and improved erections.

Just something to consider.

What health problems does he have? What type of shape is he in?
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
5,451 Posts
Well we’ve tried that and in the past it’s been better then nothing but he avoids it, it must be boring or frustrating trying to please some hungry bird when you can’t get no satisfaction lol
I am so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately if he's exhausted his medical options, there isn't much else he can do for ED however that doesn't mean you two can't share intimacy. A good sex therapist could help you two come up with alternative ways to get your intimacy needs met but your husband has to want it.

Would he be willing to go see a sex therapist with you?

If he's not willing then there's nothing else to do for it. You have to accept there will be no more sexual intimacy in your relationship with him. You can decide your future based on that knowledge.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,516 Posts
He first had erection issues going back over 10 years ago. It has nothing to do with me, I am attractive and loving towards him. I wondered if it was hormonal but I don’t know if he had that tested. I’m fed up with him not trying. I said go Harley street see a specialist but he does nothing. He’s given up, he don’t care about me. It’s like a fake relationship from what I see. I can’t tell him to leave because I still care about him and the children love him. I can’t see things improving and I feel like I’m gonna go mad with the frustration. The running has kept me going this year. I have a lovely family, house, car and I’d be financially independent without him but I do love him and I’m sad he doesn’t seam to want me anymore.
The key is him not even trying anymore.

You can't make him put this effort into your marriage.

What you can do is control your actions about it.

You are nearing the top end of what is a sexual peak for most healthy women.

Are you able and willing to be in a sexless marriage from now on?
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
5,451 Posts
He first had erection issues going back over 10 years ago. It has nothing to do with me, I am attractive and loving towards him. I wondered if it was hormonal but I don’t know if he had that tested. I’m fed up with him not trying. I said go Harley street see a specialist but he does nothing. He’s given up, he don’t care about me. It’s like a fake relationship from what I see. I can’t tell him to leave because I still care about him and the children love him. I can’t see things improving and I feel like I’m gonna go mad with the frustration. The running has kept me going this year. I have a lovely family, house, car and I’d be financially independent without him but I do love him and I’m sad he doesn’t seam to want me anymore.


It is not your fault that he has ED. It is also not your responsibility to fix it. You can only encourage him to get help and be supportive throughout the process. That's it. If he's not even willing to find alternate ways to keep the intimacy alive then that's on him.

How old are your children?

Aside from the intimacy issues, is your husband a good man? Does he meet your other needs?

I think if you choose to stay in the marriage, then you need focus on the good in the relationship and not the bad. Work to avoid becoming resentful towards him.
 
1 - 20 of 53 Posts
Top