[ImperfectMomma]

I am curious. How many of you, or people you know that are divorced, were able to have an amicable divorce? How often are people able to get divorced and still be kind to each other? My counselor and others are telling me that eventually the anger is going to hit and that I am not going to be able to be friends with him. I understand this but I don't. Can you explain? Oh, and we have 3 kids.

 

[Jellybeans]

I think an "amicable divorce" is a rarity.

Some people are able to be friends with their exes after the divorce. My case was not one of them. Not that we are "un-friendly"--it's just that we will probably never be best friends.

 

[Jane_Doe]

My parents were much better as friends than as husband and wife. They would scream and fight together, then they split up about 12 or so years ago and they've been good friends ever since. At Christmas the whole family stays at my dad's, stepfather and all, and apart from the drinking its pretty drama-free. I'm sure they had to have their periods of anger/grief at first but they didn't show us kids that. I've heard them describe one another as best friends even.

So yes in my relatively unique experience it is possible.
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[Shooboomafoo]

I dont know...
I look in my kids eyes and see her attempting to get past the destruction my exwife caused by cheating, and moving a scumbag into the house we lived in as a family.

Nah, I dont want her friendship. I want to decorate my lodge with his scalp and hers.

 

[Jayb]

Used to think it possible, but then changed my mind. Anger and resentment played a part in the shift. Why would I want to be friends with someone like her?

Amicable? Absolutely. We have to put the children first. Aside from that, it's more of don't know, don't care.

 

[dumpedandhappy]

Good luck with that.
No matter how adult and reasonable one can be, the emotional disconnect required after divorce really is challenging for friendships.

I was friends with my EX for 25 years (including the marriage of course).

I kind of think that I should never have married my friend!

At best, I think that an amicable relationship, one that is polite and considerate can be maintained. But friendships are defined by many means and in my books, my EX cannot qualify as a "true" friend at this point.

 

[In_The_Wind]

I am curious. How many of you, or people you know that are divorced, were able to have an amicable divorce? How often are people able to get divorced and still be kind to each other? My counselor and others are telling me that eventually the anger is going to hit and that I am not going to be able to be friends with him. I understand this but I don't. Can you explain? Oh, and we have 3 kids.

Only in the movies I think actually you can co-parent I dont believe people i know when they say ya we get along great and they just divorced except in cases of closet falling

 

[Jellybeans]

Nah, I dont want her friendship. I want to decorate my lodge with his scalp and hers.

:rofl: Love it.

Used to think it possible, but then changed my mind. Anger and resentment played a part in the shift.

I agree with this notion.

Good luck with that.
No matter how adult and reasonable one can be, the emotional disconnect required after divorce really is challenging for friendships.

I agree 1000%

 

[COguy]

I think it depends on why you divorced.

Some people don't get along well and just decide they're better off apart then together. I think those people can be friends.

I'd be amicable with my stbxw if she was capable of it.

My thinking is, we have kids together, so we're always going to have to be in eachother's lives. We're never going to get back together, so I may as well make the best of it. She's a raging psycho though so I would never voluntarily spend additional time with her.

I think the challenge if you were friendly with an ex would be not being unhealthily close. Like remaining friends with an ex boyfriend or something. Jelly knows all about this

 

[Dedicated2Her]

Friends don't divorce friends.
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[Dollystanford]

we said we'd be friends in the early days - it's just what you say
when he comes round it's perfectly amicable and we chat and make small talk and the like
in fact the last time he came he was complaining about rowing with his new girlfriend and it hit me....'I'm not your 'friend' love, I'm not interested!'

so in reality you may be civil to each other but 'friends' - nah

 

[Finchley Argon]

I think it's certainly possible to remain friends.

 

[Dedicated2Her]

I think it's certainly possible to remain friends.

It is possible to BECOME friends. You weren't truly friends if u divorced.
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[Jellybeans]

I think the challenge if you were friendly with an ex would be not being unhealthily close. Like remaining friends with an ex boyfriend or something. Jelly knows all about this

Oh boy, do I! To that whole mess I say: Hell to the No!
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[Lon]

Friends are supposed to trust each other, I can't really be friends with a chronic cheater because I know I can't trust them. I can be civil with them.

SO like COGuy pointed out it partly depends on the reason for divorce - if it was just due to mutual dissatisfaction with living together and there was no abuse, no cheating or no other kinds of betrayal of trust I could see former spouses remaining friends.

As for me, I am an amicable co-parent to my ex. When she first was telling me she wanted out of the marriage so she could find someone better she was already spouting about us acting like best friends and not lovers, and how much better it would be if we just were best friends - I looked at her like "what kind of drug are you on?".

We are not really enemies, nor friends in the least, but we are allies in raising our child together. That's all it is.

 

[arbitrator]

My STBXW had told mutual friends something to the effect of, " I just wish he'd get over himself and let's remain friends."

And that's being said when she was having dual 18 month long EA's/PA's with two other out-of-town men from her past and then remaining coy and secretive about it to me as well as to all of our friends. Then she came home from her travels to see them and slept with me to evade suspicion. And even to this very day, she has absolutely no idea that I even know a single thing about it.

Because of her actions/history of gross deception and adultery, I could never subject myself as ever entering her "friend zone!" I'd just much rather remember her as "someone that I once knew!"

 

[unbelievable]

I'm amicable with my exes. I'm not inviting them over to play Twister but neither am I nasty to them. If someone can piss you off, they have power over you. I lost enough of my peace while married to them. I'm courteous, polite, and gracious when we have to share grid coordinates but I don't go out of my way to socialize with them.

 

[southbound]

Friends don't divorce friends.
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I agree. I've heard people say they are friends, but if you are friends, then why get divorced? I've never understood this concept. Being "civil" is certainly possible if kids are involved, but friends seems a bit much to me. Why would i want to be friends with someone who thought little enough of me to get divorced?

 

[DavidWYoung]

It would depend on the reason for the end of the marriage. Sleeping with everyone on base and spending all of your money while you are in Iraq, maybe I could still be friends with you. David

 

[NickCampbell]

I agree. I've heard people say they are friends, but if you are friends, then why get divorced? I've never understood this concept. Being "civil" is certainly possible if kids are involved, but friends seems a bit much to me. Why would i want to be friends with someone who thought little enough of me to get divorced?

Because there's more to marriage than a friendship?

My exwife is good enough to consider a friend, but as the person I want to raise a family and grow old with - no.

She's feels the same towards me, as we've grown up from the teens we were when we started, and learned there are better matches for us.

However, I suspect eventually the friendship will diminish as we move on and give that time to our partners..