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Discussion Starter #1
The story is like this .. broke up with my X 5 years ago she moved out and on I did the same , our daughter is 6 now, she knows mommy and daddy are not together and she really gets it. One week on and one week off , 50/50. Shes a happy little girl and enjoys both of our time.
So i made a big mistake 3 years ago.. i met this amazing lady who has 3 awesome little girls.. twins ..now 10 and a 11 year old. I let her control my life , i was blind sided with passion and lust , and the idea of having this awesome ..busy busy family. Her X ..strongly involved and i was ok with this..my X not really welcome and at this time she was not easy to get along with.
Now..shes moving out of the house we bought together ( whoops )with her 3 girls at the end of this month. She bought a new place ( rich parents helping her all the way ) i"m stuck with the mortgage and will be broke soon forced to sell..unless :scratchhead:
so this is the question?
Do you think my daughter would be ok living with her mom and dad in the same house?
The X and I are getting along good , my daughter is on a one week on one week off ( and that could be adjusted )
We would maintain separate living areas in the house…my daughter could have 2 bedrooms?
I have 2 appointments with family / children counselors to see if this is a bad idea.
I want to hear what people think ..the main thing is my daughter , i have no interest in gettin gback together with my oringial X and she the same..:confused:
 

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Could it work? Yes, it could.

Is it the best idea? That depends. Does your X have a home? If so, is she selling her old house, or renting it out while you try this co-habitation scheme? If not, and she is renting her space, would you structure the arrangement as having your X rent part of your house?

Do you need to do any remodeling to make this work? That is, are there two separate kitchens, living spaces?

Are you okay with seeing your X dating, having overnight guests? Are you okay with your child seeing you dating, having overnight guests? Before, when you had one week on, one week off, you could explore a new relationship away from your child's eyes -- it was possible to try out new relationships while not confusing your child with your new partners. This won't be easy if you are in the same physical space?

Who will pay for repairs? Maintenance?

What if your daughter is annoyed with moving back and forth between two bedrooms in the same house and simply declares that she won't do it anymore. She'll pick one, and then say "I'm going upstairs/downstairs to sleep." [This will almost certainly happen as your child gets to be a teenager...] Are you okay with that?

Will potential new relationships be unwilling to date you once they find you are living in close proximity to your X? I can imagine that being a big red flag.... Many women would say "are they really over it or are there still lingering feelings?" and then decide that there is too much uncertainty.

If you are willing to have your X move into the space, why is that preferable to advertising for a renter? (I do see the advantage to your daughter, but is it an advantage to you?)
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for the reply , you bring up alot of questions ..i think I can answer most of them. oh and this is a 3 year plan.
My original X ( potental renter ) is living in a small rental appartment right now and there is no place for our daughter to run around , ride her bike ect , plus my place is alot closer to school and her friends ..wow, thats good stuff?
We would be sharing this space , there is really no options for seperation ..it is a 3 level ,2600sqft end unit townhouse , very nice place ..the market just changed on me and theres no money to sell it right now.
I've out out adds inteviewed alot of different people ..and for alot less money i could have some questionable folks living with my and my daughter.
I meet with my Xtonight, it's open house at the school. I wil talk more about how she would like to see the lliving arragnments ..
as far as new relationships go..My daughter has seen and lived that with me and my X is been single ( dating ) for a bit , but she hasnt intruduced anyone to our daughter.
I'm pretty sure with a good understanding with my X i can handle this ... I just wonder about my little girl
 

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Of course it could!

You two will have to be very united as parents and agree to make decisions together (just like if you two were still married).

I would say absolutely no bringing dates home under any circumstances. Your dating life, and hers, may take a strong hit if you can't bring anyone home.

What do you see as the potential problems for your daughter?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I think i need to take a break from dating anyway...
Or just going out for a date would be nice , i have a habit of falling hard and fast ..ie , ended up owning a house with a crazy women

I'm worried about my daughter be confused about mom and dad living under the same roof..but..shes a smart little girl , if we are just hounest with her i live down mom lives up..it a nice big place? both of us will have that option of seeing our girl everyday :) i look forward to this.

Do you think she may develop a twisted persepective on what relationships should be like..lets be hounest i dont know anyone who is ( happy marriend in love ) if they are i would guess they are lieing?

I am in a scorn situation right now.
 

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I think you should be honest with her. You tell her that you two are not getting back together but have decided that it would be best if she and mom moved in. It provides you with the best of roommates and she gets to see both parents every day while living in a better home that is closer to her school and friends.

Make it clear that it will not last forever but is temporary.
 

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If the two of you get along, there's no unfinished emotional business and generally work well together then I could see it working.

As Falene said, you do need to make it clear to your daughter that mom and dad are living together but are not a couple.

You and your ex need to set up some very, very clear boundaries. A written agreement (not necessarily a legal one) might also be a good idea to set out before moving in, what you each expect of each other in terms of bills, respecting each other's personal space, chores, parenting schedules etc.

Do realize though, that this kind of arrangement can definitely cramp both of your styles in terms of dating. Although I believe there is nothing going on between you and your ex, women you are interested in pursuing a romance with may not and the same goes for your ex.

Also, the other weird part would be seeing each other date. You both need to agree on things like bringing a partner home (for sex) or even just to hang out. That could get very weird....

I think it's great you're meeting with other people/counselors to discuss the issue though. Good for looking out/thinking ahead.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
thanks everyone for your advice on this...I have a list im working on for ( parents ) and ( child ) in this situation.

Child rules:
-we MUST agree on the following.
-Lunches , must be healthy foods ect.
-our child must be dressed properly , seaonal clothing.
-discipline and ( time outs? )
-bed times, routines must match.
-bath and or showers routines, no exceptions

Parent rules:
-overnight guests and dating ( we need to talk about this )
-Cleaning up after yourself ( if it looks this way it should look this way when your done )
-shared areas must stay clean and organized at all times
-no parking your car in the visitor spots or blocking the drive way

Soo as i wrote this list and started thinking about it ..i got all nervous about living with my X again..Im a clean freak , as you can see by my outragous rules for the house. She's a messy, free spirt , doesnt really follow routines..ect hence why shes my X i guess ...:p

then yesterday i met with her at the open house at the school and she started talking about this arangment right in front of our daugther..and she wants me to give her a better deal on rent ..and my daughter was dressed in jeans and long sleave and hot and complaining to me about her lunch..( this is moms week )
I left there thinking .... this is a bad idea..

on a good note i met a single dad that like the place and is considering moving in for oct 1st , he has 2 kids part time.

it seems like i need to keep my options all open as the end of the month gets closer.
 

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Not trying to rain on your parade, but....

If my math is correct, your daughter was 1 when you separated. So she never really saw you two together. You said she is 6 and "gets it" about you and X not being together. I think she might get it because that is all she has really known.

I'm just not convinced that a 6, with her experience, she will continue to get it. I would expect it to create confusion for her.
 

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You raise an excellent point... If you couldn't live together when you were married, what makes you think it will work now? Same two people involved...

C
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