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Me and my wife have only been married a year, but have been together nearly 10. We have an 8 yr old daughter, a nice house and a pretty normal life.

A couple of years ago I made the mistake of becoming too comfortable on out relationship....not giving her the time and attention she deserved and not being the man I should have been. I know this upset her greatly and I realize now what I put her through.

At about the first of the year or so I sort of had an epiphony of my actions and have since made great strides in how I handle my marriage. I am much much more attentive and have given her my all on a daily basis since then. But heres the problem: at around the same time she began making alot of new friends. And now she seems to go out and spend more time with them than with me. Like 4 or 5 nights a week shes out at one of her little girlfriends houses. Im not sure what to do. In a way I feel shes given up on us to some extent, but if that was the case why would she still be here? I have talked to her about this some.....expressed my deepest regret and shame for treating her how i did, and she say that she want things to work, but she wants the fire that we had the first few years we were together. I know some if not all of this is my own fault, which hurts me worst of all......but I know there is always some hope.

What should I do? Should I wait it out and hope that through time she will see that I am actually a better husband? Im so lost as to what to do. I know she loves me, but I feel I may lack the experience to fix this......
 

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COmmunicate with her...

Look ask her for the time and let her have 2-3 days a week but ask for 2 family nights and 1 night that the two of you can "date". But the big part here is to communicate that you want to spend more time with her to strengthen your marriage and keep it alive.

draconis
 

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The 'fire' in the beginning has about a 2 year maximum shelf life. What you are showing her now is real love, so you are definitely doing the right thing. I would recommend reading the Five Love Languages, it covers that initial excitement you feel in the beginning and how to maintain a deep love as the years pass. It would be good for both of you to read.
 

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nxlude

Yes this can be fixed but it could take time. Give it just that. If the marriage withered over time it will not recover overnight. The advice given above is solid. Use it and consistently show her you love her and care for her. She has turned to friends to fill some of the voids you left in her life. Show her you can be that man and husband she wants to have in her life. Read my mantra below and take care.
 

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My husband also had an epiphany a few years ago, but I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't get it right away. I was on my way to fixing some interior things in my life and for awhile I couldn't see or hear anything while I was puzzling out my problems...then I began to see that he was always making my morning tea in the special little way he had; he was listening to me with all his attention; he was complimenting and uplifting me up always...anyway, I finally realised what he was up to and I was so happy and grateful...I still am, because he's still doing it. :D Anyway, keep up with it and you will reap the rewards.
 
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