I posted this in another are but I'm new to this site and someone said I should have posted it here.
I want to start out saying that I knew I should not have married him before we got married. I, like so many other morons, thought that we could hash out our issues in time; I thought I could change him. I was 80% prepared to walk out on the day of our wedding and especially the night of our wedding, it was literally the worst night of my life. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 1/2 years.
My reasons for staying:
1. He took my oldest daughter in and has been raising her as his own without question
2. He loves me
3. He loves the kids
4. He is a hard worker
My reasons for wanting out:
1. He is a very inattentive parent- he never spends time with our kids, won't even watch a movie with them. He is only around to but in when I am disciplining someone.
2. Emotionally unavailable- he disregards my feelings on everything, he comes off as if I am not supposed to have feelings or opinions about things.
3. Abuses drugs and alcohol- he smokes marijuana and drinks heavy daily. He has slowed on the drinking since I kicked him out once but he still drinks a lot daily (he went from about 18 beers a night to about 6)
4. We do not communicate EVER- we have a lot of financial problems and instead of sitting down and coming up with a game plan, he would rather ignore the problem. I can only do so much on my end without his help. If there are things going on with the kids, we never talk about them, I just mention it on the day of or in passing. When I want to talk about out problems, he shuts down and says that I'm just *****ing and won't even look at me. I've invited him to counseling but his excuse is we cannot afford it. I told him that our insurance covers it and I found a place that offers sessions at a beyond reasonable rate. I've concluded that I would start going alone.
5. We never make time as a couple- I practically beg him to do things with me and after enough complaining he will tag along. If I ask him to watch a movie on the couch, he falls asleep 15 minutes into it after taking 45 minutes to get ready to watch it
6. He knows nothing about our 7 month old son- I wanted to have another baby and he was all for it but now that our son his here and has been here, he rarely helps. He does not know his schedule which is on the fridge. He never spends time with him, I have to yell at him to feed him a bottle or change a diaper. He has never put him to sleep for a nap or bed. He cannot handle him for the entire 2 hours that he stays awake before his next nap. He acts like doing anything for him is difficult
7. He makes me feel like the kids and I are bothersome to him, like he doesn't want to be married or have kids yet he rants and raves about my wife this and my kids that. We never do anything as a family, it's always me doing everything with the kids and for them. My 3 year old adores him, she'll follow him around the house, hold his leg, cries for him during the day and its like he avoids her when he is home. He acts like holding one of the kids for 10 minutes is enough. I'll confront him and he'll say that he had been holding her for hours or he just needs a break.
11. He gets home from work and listens to pod casts or hides in the bedroom and watches tv. He doesn't eat dinner with us which he says because he isn't eating what we eat. He cooks his own food, cube steak every day.
He has expressed he wants a wife life someone from the 50's, someone I am not. He actually asked me once why didnt me and the girls meet him at the door with an embrace when he got home from work... really?!?!I want a supportive and helpful husband, I want to be able to communicate, I want someone to show me love.
I stay home with the kids because my son was born with health issues and was in the NICU, where my husband was drinking at one point and I was confronted by security (this is why he was kicked out of the house) My son is now doing much better and I am looking for work again.
I think about divorce all day every day but I feel trapped. Honestly, we have nothing in common anymore and I just flat out don't like him. There is not one thing I like about him as a person anymore. Is any of this grounds for divorce? Should I just stick it out, I made this bed I have to lay in it. Is there anything I can do to salvage things?
I want to start out saying that I knew I should not have married him before we got married. I, like so many other morons, thought that we could hash out our issues in time; I thought I could change him. I was 80% prepared to walk out on the day of our wedding and especially the night of our wedding, it was literally the worst night of my life. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 1/2 years.
My reasons for staying:
1. He took my oldest daughter in and has been raising her as his own without question
2. He loves me
3. He loves the kids
4. He is a hard worker
My reasons for wanting out:
1. He is a very inattentive parent- he never spends time with our kids, won't even watch a movie with them. He is only around to but in when I am disciplining someone.
2. Emotionally unavailable- he disregards my feelings on everything, he comes off as if I am not supposed to have feelings or opinions about things.
3. Abuses drugs and alcohol- he smokes marijuana and drinks heavy daily. He has slowed on the drinking since I kicked him out once but he still drinks a lot daily (he went from about 18 beers a night to about 6)
4. We do not communicate EVER- we have a lot of financial problems and instead of sitting down and coming up with a game plan, he would rather ignore the problem. I can only do so much on my end without his help. If there are things going on with the kids, we never talk about them, I just mention it on the day of or in passing. When I want to talk about out problems, he shuts down and says that I'm just *****ing and won't even look at me. I've invited him to counseling but his excuse is we cannot afford it. I told him that our insurance covers it and I found a place that offers sessions at a beyond reasonable rate. I've concluded that I would start going alone.
5. We never make time as a couple- I practically beg him to do things with me and after enough complaining he will tag along. If I ask him to watch a movie on the couch, he falls asleep 15 minutes into it after taking 45 minutes to get ready to watch it
6. He knows nothing about our 7 month old son- I wanted to have another baby and he was all for it but now that our son his here and has been here, he rarely helps. He does not know his schedule which is on the fridge. He never spends time with him, I have to yell at him to feed him a bottle or change a diaper. He has never put him to sleep for a nap or bed. He cannot handle him for the entire 2 hours that he stays awake before his next nap. He acts like doing anything for him is difficult
7. He makes me feel like the kids and I are bothersome to him, like he doesn't want to be married or have kids yet he rants and raves about my wife this and my kids that. We never do anything as a family, it's always me doing everything with the kids and for them. My 3 year old adores him, she'll follow him around the house, hold his leg, cries for him during the day and its like he avoids her when he is home. He acts like holding one of the kids for 10 minutes is enough. I'll confront him and he'll say that he had been holding her for hours or he just needs a break.
11. He gets home from work and listens to pod casts or hides in the bedroom and watches tv. He doesn't eat dinner with us which he says because he isn't eating what we eat. He cooks his own food, cube steak every day.
He has expressed he wants a wife life someone from the 50's, someone I am not. He actually asked me once why didnt me and the girls meet him at the door with an embrace when he got home from work... really?!?!I want a supportive and helpful husband, I want to be able to communicate, I want someone to show me love.
I stay home with the kids because my son was born with health issues and was in the NICU, where my husband was drinking at one point and I was confronted by security (this is why he was kicked out of the house) My son is now doing much better and I am looking for work again.
I think about divorce all day every day but I feel trapped. Honestly, we have nothing in common anymore and I just flat out don't like him. There is not one thing I like about him as a person anymore. Is any of this grounds for divorce? Should I just stick it out, I made this bed I have to lay in it. Is there anything I can do to salvage things?