[indiecat]

H promises that he will not be verbally abusive ever again if I return. He says the old him is gone. He also says he will never run me down to the children behind my back again.
But, can people change??
I think a lot of our issues stemmed from his PA of 3 years ago. I never felt the love again, and it showed. So he would get angry and accuse me of wanting him dead. He also got into a lot of sedatives, which he says made his behavior worse.
It's so hard to know what to think.
Can people change?

 

[spun]

People can change.

But remember. Talk is cheap.

Actions speak louder than words.

Time to step back and observe.

Stay at 50,000 ft.

Keep reading here. The lessons to be learned are invaluable.
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[indiecat]

Actions, I'll remember that.

 

[Bafuna]

Give it a go

 

[daisygirl 41]

Yes definitely people can change, but as said previously, actions speak louder than words.
He needs to prove to you that he can change first.
Did he do all the heavy lifting in repairing the marriage after his A?
Were all the issues arising from the A discussed or did he rug sweep?
Where is his anger coming from?
Maybe IC would help?
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[vi_bride04]

Yes, people can change, but not without a h3ll of alot of hard work, digging deep within themselves and getting to the root of why they did what they did. Has he attended IC at all or looked inside himself whatsoever? Or is he just coming to you saying he is a "changed man"

Actions speak louder than words ever will.

 

[indiecat]

He has attended IC, they put it down to anxiety from childhood abuse. He did a lot of rug sweeping after the affair, his claims that it was ptsd due to his friends death etc. To be fair he tried to make it up to me after the A. But my heart was very damaged. We should have had a longer time apart. We had a talk today about his attention seeking behaviour in the past. How it drove me nuts. He asked what he could do to improve himself. I told him IC and work out 3 times a week. He has a bad heart and is supposed to keep regular with exercise. I think that exercise is great to help anxiety and depression.
I was disappointed with a lot of his IC. Instead of personal accountability they put a lot of his bad behavior down to childhood abuse, his friends death, anxiety. ALL factors no doubt but as adults we are responsible for our choices.